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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sticky Work Situation... What Would You Do?

12 replies

Anon1993 · 07/12/2018 22:02

Hello all,

Not really a aibu; although I may be!

I’m in a bit of a moral dilemma at work; and need to consult the wisdom of mn. I’ve created a new account in case what I say is outing; but I’m going to try and not make my rl identity obvious.

Sorry I’m advance for the long post, but I’m trying not to drip feed.

I have recently started a new job; the role is a middle management role; very similar to what I have done for years; although a few aspects of the job are new.

Part of my role is to increase capacity in the team; and as part of that I have been supporting a colleague with her role - sometimes taking on admin while she focuses on the core job; and sometimes doing the core job to give her chance to catch up on admin. One of the reasons I am supporting this particular colleague is that she is quite unwell... she has spent several months off in the past and will at some point need major surgery.

Although we get on well on the surface, I sometimes feel that there is some resentment and maybe fear that I am there to replace her. I can totally see where she is coming from: a lot of the working groups and other extras she used to be a part of, she no longer is and yet I am. I don’t have my own office yet, although my appointments often get made for her office. To make matters worse; before I was employed, she used to do the other part of my role (ie - what I do when I’m not supporting her) as a free extra. When she put her foot down and said she wanted the pay rise and official title, they according to her said there was no money in the budget... and then a few months later hired me to do it!

My dilemma is, that I have been unofficially asked to look out to see if she is well enough to be at work. I feel uncomfortable being a “spy” so I have not mentioned anything to my LM, and have tried to encourage her to do what she can, but pass anything at all that she’s struggling with onto me.

The problem is - and I suppose I may be being unreasonable to think this - I honestly don’t think she is well enough. I’ve watched her work for weeks and although it’s not a complete disaster and you can tell she knows what she’s supposed to be doing; she’s just not doing the job as well as it needs to be done. Things are often forgotten, not planned or planned at the last minute, key information is not sneaking recorded and several key documents are missing. I keep trying to suggest that I could sort this or that, but she seems to put her foot down and wants to prove in a way that she is able to do it. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell her she’s not.

Our employment isn’t life or death, and the odd bad day has not real lasting consequences; but longer term a poor job can have a lasting negative effect on people’s lives; so we are keen to make sure we are getting it right at least most of the time.

So... do I be a be a bit more insistent with her? Do I mentioned something to the boss? Do I neb out completely?

I really do like the woman on a personal note; and really do sympathise with her, it must be awful to be in her position; and I admire that she isn’t letting it get her down and she isn’t giving up... but I also sympathise with the hundred and something other people who will suffer a negative and lasting impact to their lives if her job role (by her or someone else) isn’t done properly.

What do I do? Help me mumsnet! Please!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 22:23

Who is her line manager? Surely they are responsible for her capacity to carry out her duties and the process of assessing that should be a transparent one.

Anon1993 · 07/12/2018 22:25

Her and I share the same line manager, he’s the one who asked me to “keep an eye”

OP posts:
DanglyBangly · 07/12/2018 22:26

If she’s not performing, then her line manager should be putting her on a development plan or a disciplinary or another formal process. Asking you to unofficially report back is unfair, unprofessional and I can’t see the purpose of it.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 22:29

In that case I'd refuse to have anything to do with it. His request is well out of order. I hope she's in a union or aware of the company's grievance procedure and preparing to use it. She's being managed out and they're trying to make you part of that.

If she isn't doing her job well the situation should be subject to the usual performance process.

Jent13c · 07/12/2018 22:54

Doesnt sound like the sort of work environment I'd want to stick about in, pretty toxic playing same level staff against each other. They seem to want you to take on her role and if that is what you want then I guess follow that career path but you cant be surprised if they ever do the same to you.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/12/2018 23:00

LM is entirely out of order asking you to ‘keep an eye’. It’s his job, politely make that clear
Whatever the woman’s shortcomings this is very unfair to her.
And it will definitely rebound on you over time, in terms of how others will perceive you.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/12/2018 23:01

Also why are you letting her pass work to you? She needs to do her own work. If LM not happy with her work, they can decide what to do.

Findingdotty · 07/12/2018 23:02

I agree with keeping out of it. It's not your place to make decisions or really contribute to decisions about whether she is well enough to be at work. That should be through honest conversation strictly between her and her line manager.

I'm not surprised tht she is suspicious of you tbh.

bimbobaggins · 07/12/2018 23:08

Neb out completely, you’re not her boss. If the boss has issues he needs to manage effectively and deal with it himself, not ask you to spy.

MerryCatmas · 07/12/2018 23:10

This company is really bad news. I would start looking for a new job. You cannot trust people like that.

In roughly similar circumstances (colleagues, including people senior to me, trying to push someone into capability procedures work of racism) I did the following:

  1. As the person was junior (although not in a direct line) to me I asked for them to be assigned to work on a project with me. I made this request under the auspices of being able to train him whilst he worked with me, give him a chance kind of thing.
  2. I made sure I sent emails to him praising his work, copied into his line manger and mine. I actually got a row for this as “Didn’t I realise I had given him evidence of competence he could produce to HR/a tribunal?” I played dumb and said I was just trying to encourage him to get him to engage better, which was accepted. But of course I realised. Duh, that was the point.
  3. Made sure colleague and I were out of the office a lot together to get him out of that toxic atmosphere. And he started to open to me a bit about how he felt, was able to get things in his mind straight and cope better because he could talk to someone.
  4. I listened, advised him to join the union and also get his family involved (his wife was a lawyer). He;d been too ashamed to talk to her about it before. She got a friend who specialised in employment law to write a pretty effective email for him to send under name.
  5. I got a new job in another city and told him if they caused him any trouble, to get in touch and I would come back and be a witness in a tribunal or write a statement for an internal process.
  6. I also told him to start looking for a new job- but take his time and get the right thing- as this kind of thing can poison your life.

He left about 18 months later to do a Masters and then got a better job he;s happy in.

That thing about “If someone shows you who they really are, believe them. The first time.” It applies to organisations too.

emmaliz · 07/12/2018 23:12

I got asked once to investigate a colleague (a peer) by my line manager. I felt very uncomfortable about it but at the time couldn't see a way out because I was young and more obedient, but my gut was to refuse.
I got out of doing it by telling my manager that if they were going down the dismissal route my contribution would not only be invalid but could actually jepodise the process. It had tribunal written all over it. They agreed and took over the investigation themselves.
It's not your job, it's unprofessional that you were asked and it's what the manager gets the extra money for.
I hope you get this sorted as I have a lot of sympathy for the position you find yourself in.

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2018 23:13

Your LM was wrong to put you in this awkward position. If your LM wants you to support the colleague, it needs to be done openly, with a meeting of the three of you to understand what support you'll be offering and what feedback you'll be expected to give - with the feedback shared openly with your colleague.

Essentially, your LM need to put her on a development plan, with you as a mentor, and with the objectives clearly understood by all.

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