Should i not have said anything?

[Clumsymumsy27]

I was at soft play with my 21 month old, she was happily climbing the ‘ladder’ to the slide, going over to it and down and back again. She was doing this more independently on her own than she would have been if I’d been there so i sat in the ballpit where i could see her. I saw a little boy hitting her in the face so i ran to her, and she’d fallen down one of the steps jist as i got there. I picked her up and said ‘excuse me’ to the boy just as his grandma came, but he ran away before she could say anything.

Then his mum came up to me and was like ‘it’s just kids isn’t it?’ My child was crying and i said ‘well she’s hurt, shes really upset by it’
Boys mum: what do you want me to do? Smack him?
Me: no but he needs to know its wrong
Boys mum: ive had 2 kids, its just what they do
Grandma: don’t you be telling me how to raise my grandchild. Ive been working with kids for years

At this point i walked away because i felt like they were ganging up on me. I felt sick and i was shocked. My dd and this boy were sat together nicely at the top a few minutes later and that was fine. And his mum goes ‘id better get him down, i dont want anything to happen’

Me: why are you carrying it on? Theres no need. You wouldn’t appreciate it if it was your kid who was getting hit
Mum: it happens all the time. He’s 2, it wasn’t malicious
Me: i know it wouldn’t have been malicious but he still needs to know its wrong
Grandma: it wasn’t malicious, he’s 2 (this went round in circles until i walked away and decided to leave)

I probably wouldnt have said anything at all if the mum hadn’t said its just what kids do. Should I have not said anything? But then i feel like im not standing up for my child

A baby is up to 1 year.

A toddler is 1 year to 3.5/4 years (pre school).

At 2, a toddler needs to start learning about kind hands etc.

You need to be in there with your kid, to be honest. Soft play is a hell hole. I wouldn't be leaving a not even 2 year old on their own in soft play.

Some parents baffle me. Of course, you tell a two year old not to hit another child. You don't just ignore bad behaviour. You have to try and teach children from a young age what is right and what is wrong.
In my opinion, the op. was correct, the boy should have been told what he did wasn't acceptable behaviour. Malicious or not, he still needs to be told.

And it might be my child doing the hitting in future, but i would (and have in the past) tell her that you don’t hit people. And then she stops. And i would apologise to the other parent (not that i would have expected an apology)

But what if another parent thinks that's not good enough and tries to tell you what you "should" be doing, like you told this woman today what her child "should" be told? The two of you obviously had differing opinions on how to deal with the 2yo in this situation so chalking it up to a difference in parenting styles and keeping quiet would have been the best course. Your DD is 21m so close enough to 2yo herself which means the standard of behaviour and level of understanding possessed by children of this age group is not something that is alien to you, some children at this age really don't understand "kind hands" or "no hitting" and don't understand "sorry" as they're not at that stage if their development yet and you made a comment to the woman about what she "should" be telling her son before she had opportunity to actually do anything with him.

Hitting at the age is just kids being kids. My 21mo is going through a phase of happy-slapping because it makes a satisfying noise when her hands connects with skin, the recipient either say "ow!" or cries and she finds it a little bit funny because she hasn't figured out empathy yet, and she gets the immediate attention of whichever adult she is with at the time. As far as she is concerned, it's win-win. She will learn, as my other DC did when it was their time to go through this phase, but in the meantime she is a work in progress and anyone making remarks about how I "should" deal with her as opposed to how I am actually dealing with her may well get the sharp side of my tongue depending on how stressed I happen to be at that moment.