Early Miscarriage & time off work after?

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Iv never posted on any forum before so not sure if this is will be seen or if I’m doing the right thing

But I have been trying to convince for 3 years, with 3 miscarriages all under 12 weeks. The most recent being just under 3 weeks ago! I was only just over 5 weeks this time and am currently signed off work until Monday. But all of a sudden today it’s hit me and I’m feeling terribly down and tired and the though of going back to work has sent me into shock a bit. Iv been feeling really sick and worried and the dread of seeing everyone at Work is all a bit much. Iv been battling with myself about asking for more time off(my doctor had said absolutely fine and just to call to ask) but i feel any longer than 3 weeks off for such an early miscarriage is a bit extreme and im just being ridiculous? But I also feel like if I could be signed off for the xmas period so I could try and not Have that stress / worry of getting back into the swing of work over Christmas it would be nice!

Help am I being lazy / rediculous for even thinking about having more time off??

But I also feel like if I could be signed off for the xmas period so I could try and not Have that stress / worry of getting back into the swing of work over Christmas it would be nice!

Christmas isn't for a few more weeks yet!

I don't think so at all. It really does effect everyone differently. I was really distraught after mine and ended up in a mental health hospital! If you need time, take it. It reads as if your GP is happy to extend certificate. Take care of yourself x

You are not being lazy or anything of the sort. Your mental well-being is just as important as your physical and if you aren’t ready to go back then that’s ok. Take the time off.

If you need it, take it. Xxx

That’s true!! I can’t really stay off that long think I’ll jist have to face it Monday

I've had one miscarriage and could not imagine the trauma of three in quick succession. I took 2 weeks off work but in retrospect feel I should've taken 4. Your hormones will be haywire. Everyone is different.... speak to your Dr and take the time you need. Xx

Why do you feel you 'can't stay off that long'? It counts as pregnancy related sickness so HR can't touch you. If you don't take sufficient tine out now it will be worse in the longrun . X

Of course you are not ridiculous! Annual leave is exactly for that, when you need it. At worst, you should be able to take unpaid leave and give yourself a rest.

But you're not taking more time off for the miscarriage, you're taking it because you're mentally unwell. Whether that's an effect of the miscarriage or something else, you need to look after yourself

I suspect your need for time off isn’t just caused by the latest miscarriage though, they have a cumulative affect. I’ve had four so I speak from experience. I’m sorry for your losses. I do wonder if going back before the holidays might be better so that when you return in Jan it’s sort of old news (assuming they know). Do you have long off for holidays or is it a working through kind of job?

Nope not at all. A colleague of mine has recently been off for some time following an early miscarriage. We've all just wanted her to get rest, look after herself and come back when SHE'S ready to. Can safely say not one person has said otherwise either. Look after yourself, work can wait x

what matters is your mental health. Some people go back to work quickly and some need weeks off and that is ok! I also had multiple mc and by the third time of shattered dreams I was absolutely heart broken. Look after yourself, it doesn’t matter how early it was. It’s the broken hopes and dreams that affect us mentally

When I had an MMC at 12/13 weeks I took a week off work, during which I had a D&C so was wiped out over the weekend, but the same week my older DC got ill so I had to look after him all week when he would have been at nursery, so didn't get a chance to think about what had happened and process/ grieve.

My mental health slowly spiralled and I became very ill for over a year and still never took time off - in fact I only recently had what I'd consider a break and it's almost four years later.

I really should have taken longer off. It's cost me and my family dearly. It's only work at the end of the day. Family and your health is more important.

I haven’t got any time off over xmas just Christmas Day and Boxing Day I normally work so others with children can have it off (another reason I should go back as if I’m off they will probably make one of my colleges work in my place)

I just really struggle with anxiety As it is so having the off work dosent really help that as the worry of going back just gets grater the longer I stay off :( but I don’t want to go back and cry in front of everyone either 😂

I had 2 miscarriages with D and E at 9 weeks, and 2 early miscarriages at about 5 weeks. I took a week for the later miscarriages and no time for the earlier (both coincidentally started on a Friday so I had the weekend) - but I am a highly pragmatic person who luckily had no problems getting pregnant and I preferred to keep mentally busy. I don't think there's a right answer. If you aren't up to it, you aren't up to it. Take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone for your comments and help ❤️

I’ve returned to work within 3-4 weeks of all my Mc (6) as I felt I needed to be busy and not sitting thinking about the losses. (That’s me though, you know your own feelings)

In contrast a colleague took almost 4 months off following an early mis and whilst there was sympathy in the beginning it soon started to wane within our team as we were struggling without her at the time. Plus there was a lot of social media showing a different story to what she was telling us.

This should be taken as sick leave not annual leave! xx

Everyone is different but I know I found I preferred to be busy at work. What would you do if you were at home? I'd feel worse hanging around the house and having too much time to think. It really does just depend on your personality.
I returned to work soon after a later miscarriage because I thought it was worth a try. If it hadn't felt ok when I was there then I would have taken sick leave.

Have you thought what you would do when you are at home?

I had a miscarriage in Nov last year, was straight back to work. Had another in Feb, little time off - big mistake. As others said, the cumulative effect is terrible. Not taking the time I needed back fired on me as I got an informal warning about performance and that I was making people feel awkward ( whole other story). Take what you need, but do think about counselling session or two so that you are in the best possible place to go back. Also, in case you haven’t been told about it, the miscarriage association is very very helpful. Take care of yourself x

I went back whilst I was still bleeding and passing clots - big mistake.

I thought it would help to keep me occupied and take my mind off things, instead I was a mess and absolutely no use at work.

Go back when you feel ready, not when you think work wants you to. As mentioned above HR cannot touch you because of the nature of your condition.

@Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Sorry I don’t know how to reply to an individual comment.

Well up until Tuesday this week I was physically recovering so haven’t managed to do much I think I left the house 2 times maybe! And today I just feel so shattered but I think it might be my anxiety as Iv been worried about work so much! But no I haven’t though much about what I could do if I had more time off to be honest as at the moment i just feel like I could sleep for 2 weeks.

This miscarriage has been more straight forward than the last one as that was a d&c at 11 weeks so I think that’s why I feel I should go back now as it’s not been as “traumatic” as that but as you all know every time is still as hard. Im all over the place maybe it’s my hormones but I’m starting to think I need to just get over it reading about all these women who have miscarriage and are back to work in a weeks time is makeing me feel really pathetic! And also like I should toughen up I’m no wear near as bad emotionally as I was last time so I’m just going to go in Tuesdays and try not to let jealousy kick in when I’m around all of the lucky pregnant ladies at work.

How everyone else deals with it is irrelevant really. Just because it was the right thing for me to go straight back to work doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. It’s got nothing to do with being pathetic or not. My thinking is that it’s worth a try and then if it doesn’t work out you can take sick leave.

First mc, early, only I had a week off but the second (tfmr at 14 weeks) I had a lot longer. It’s how it affects you emotionally and mentally. Take as much time as you need

LiveHelp sorry you're going through this.

Take as long as you need. And don't think that your pain is any less because it was 'just 5 weeks'. It doesn't matter.

I've had 6 miscarriages and they have all been individual in the way they have affected me regardless of how far along. Some I wasn't too upset about whereas others have flawed me completely. Some I went back to work in a day, others I was signed off for weeks. Luckily for me, my employer at the time was good about it and only cared that I was getting the time I needed.

Take time for yourself and go back when you're ready. If you don't feel able now then don't. Your mental health is extremely important and I don't think anyone who hasn't been through the pain of miscarriage (or recurrent miscarriage in some cases) can quite understand the toll it can have.

As far as I am aware, miscarriage counts as 'pregnancy related sickness' and so cannot be used in disciplinary actions by your employer.