Will you be doing any travelling?

[Strangeq]

Name changed as outing.
35 weeks pregnant with first baby. Met with 2 friends last night. We’re 32. Both are married and planning kids at some point but both say they want to “do more stuff until then”. They’ve not enquired much at all during this pregnancy which hasn’t bothered me, it’s not terribly interesting. However they were asking me last night: “will you be doing much travelling on Mat leave?” I said we were going away for a week in Europe and they kept asking the same “are you doing any more travelling?”. Is this something people do that I’m not aware of?! They do seem to veer off in conversation concerning my baby onto things that I doubt they’d ask other people. They also asked if I was going to a wedding 150miles away which is due to take place around a week after DD arrives. It seems that they try to imply that I should be living some insane, action packed life. It comes up every time we meet but we never actually fleetingly talk about my baby, it’s strange and hard to articulate. I don’t expect special treatment but I realised when I got home and smelt of cigarettes that it hadn’t occurred to either of them that I might not want to be sat outside (albeit under heat lamps) and smoked over at 35 weeks

I dont have a close family, lost both parents before I was 20 and I’m keen to keep in the loop with people but is it worth it?!

I did a fair bit of holidaying when DS was a baby, purely because it's so much easier to do than when they're toddlers! But no I don't think most people go "travelling" while on mat leave!

just sounds like the usual ignorance from a childless adult, just ignore them and wait to ask them the same question once they start a family!

I am not a mother but I have never heard of people going travelling when on mat leave.

I am also shocked that they would smoke in front of a pregnant woman, that is appalling and you don't need to be a mother to know that.

They are just playing the game of saying you should carry on as normal. I doubt you’ll get to that wedding! A one week old baby will be attached to your boob if you’re breastfeeding.
But yes, I’ve always been on a load of holidays on mat leave/with babies. My love of travel has not been killed by small people

I'm on day 28 of 37 days with DS aged 5 months traveling through Southeast Asia so yes some of us do embrace the leave and go a bit mad.

No I didn't go travelling when on maternity leave! Went on a big family holiday with siblings when DD was one. Don't worry about it OP, as others said, you can ask them the same when or if they have kids, they don't seem have a clue! Also think it was rude of them to smoke in front of you and expect you to sit outside in December to please them. When baby comes along, try and go to mother and baby groups etc to meet other new mums who are in the same situation who can understand. Good luck!

Haha, they're totally clueless. Leaving the house can be a challenge at times. Saying that, u did so some traveling to visit family in another country but it was really stressful and I wouldn't do it again.

I've never gone travelling on mat leave. We couldn't afford it on a reduced income for one thing, and for another dh still had to go to work! Sounds like they view mat leave as one long holiday.

They are looking at your maternity leave as some kind of sabbatical during which you should pack in as much as possible.

When they have dc you can ask equally daft questions about their plans. The smoking thing is crap but you should have spoken up.

I went traveling for two months on mine. It was great to get out and about before the baby got too mobile. Each to their own!

Haha no people don't travel on maternity leave. They make the most of that special time with their new baby, traveling becomes something that they aren't bothered about anymore. Often not always.

I didn’t because we couldn’t afford for my husband to take time off work too. A friend of mine and her husband are going away for three months as they can afford for them to share maternity leave and both be off at the same time. They’re going when baby is 5 months.

just sounds like the usual ignorance from a childless adult

good lord.

Just sounds like they were trying to make conversation.

I’m sure they don’t expect you to live an ‘action packed’ life, just as you don’t expect them to have kids.

No big deal.

Apart from it being a faff to travel with a baby, I would have thought that a lot of women on maternity leave, couldn't afford to go travelling.

They're just clueless.

I dunno, thinking of my NCT mates 3 of us went abroad on maternity leave to show the baby off to relatives, 1 went on a long haul holiday as they didnt have to pay for a seat for their DD, and the other 2 went on a normal summer holiday I think.

Its unlikely you'll go to the wedding but we did do our first over night stay with relatives when DS was 20 days old because I really wanted to see a friend who was visiting from abroad.

It all depends on what type of baby you get and birth you have.

I travelled a lot during my first maternity leave. I had the time (and luckily the money) and babies are wonderfully portable. Toddlers not so much, so I could only do it the once unfortunately, but it was lovely, and in a lot of ways easier than being at home (no chores, no cleaning, no cooking etc.).

We spent a month in South Africa during my first mat leave. We were staying with the in laws but it was a good time to go. DS was really portable and my ex had just been made redundant so no worries about annual leave.

Both DCs now in secondary school and I am totally broke. I am so glad we went as it was the last time I went away that felt free IYSWIM. When the kids are older it's much more about them and keeping them entertained, whereas a baby is happy with a rug on the floor and a few small toys or cuddles.

Why would they think people take a newborn traveling? Bizarre! You’re hardly going traipsing around some developing country exposing your baby to god knows what illnesses? Even the idea of my newborn in a germ infested plane gives me the heebie jeebies! Strange of them to assume.

Thanks all. It’s weird, almost like they can’t bear to talk about the baby. Maybe it represents things changing a little between us but it’s so noticeable! It’s almost as if I don’t have my first child arriving in a matter of weeks!

They do sound insensitive.

However, don't be too quick to ditch them. I made an effort to keep in touch with a couple of close friends after having DC1 (even though neither of them had their first baby until 4/5 years later) - it can be harder to find common ground but it's also great to have a more 'adult' relationship. IME you meet lots of new people after having a baby (at baby groups etc) but the conversation does tend to revolve around babies (as that's the thing you have in common) and sometimes it's nice to get away from that!

We traveled a lot while we had small kids because we lived overseas. Babies are quite easy to travel with especially if you breastfeed. But we were quite laid back, certainly didn't drag loads of equipment etc and did all the things people frown upon like bed sharing and staying out late.