Not to recover from porn addiction

[namechangefornow1]

My partner had quite a big porn addiction which I am struggling to deal with. I found this out the same day I found out I was pregnant (planned pregnancy which makes it worse) this addiction made him look at females in A very sexual way, he would fantasise about them (including my female family members which we spent a lot of time with). Now I know guys looking is normal but not too the extent of what my oh was doing. He says he's changed ( after taking anti depressants) we think it was a child hood trauma that caused him to go dwn this route. but I just can't trust him. I've tried to make it work for our ds plus I do love him, been together for 13yrs. But just feel really betrayed. Sorry for the mistakes, trying to type this ds jumping on me x

Nobody can make that choice for you but if it was me it would depend on what you mean by porn addiction and how you found out?

If you told him you were pregnant and he told you he had an issue with porn but wanted to change that would be one thing and I would try to work through it but if you walked in one him wanking while one porno played on the television, another on his laptop and a third on his phone that would be different.

By porn addiction I mean 4/5 times a day after sex with me, every time I left the house. Been together for 12 years and always brought up that I thought he had a addiction and he'd always say I was paranoid etc. Then it was confirmed when he txt my sister the night before I found out I was pregnant, he didn't say anything bad really, just asking her what she was up (like 3 times) he's not a txter, takes ages to get back to people etc so this was very out of character for him. Then the next morning was when my sister told me when I went to tell her I was pregnant. He said he was looking for a flirt and he was sorry his addiction took over. Then I caught him when I was 12weeks watching porn. It's the lying I can't take. I wouldn't believe him if he said the grass was green.

That's more than a porn addiction. He was looking to flirt with your sister, at least, to start something between them.

The porn addiction will be a decisive thing; I'd struggle with it but I'd probably try and forgive someone who acknowledged their problem and did everything possible to overcome it. It doesn't seem that he did that if he was telling you that you're paranoid and you caught him at it again at 12 weeks.

Looking for a flirtation with someone else... that's unforgivable. And it's even worse that it was with your sister. Logically; he is very unlikely to have been caught the first time that he did that - and he's very unlikely to have approached your sister for his first flirtation, either. That would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. He's demonstrated that he's not loyal and he can't be trusted.

This is your relationship though, so your call. Do you want to forgive him? If you can't trust him, do you believe that he's not flirting with someone else now, and that he won't be tempted again? I think the answer to those questions will help you.

Do you mean your boyfriend was texting your sister to flirt with her?

Does he want to break his addiction to porn? Or is he bringing it up as an excuse for other behaviours?

Sorry you’re in this situation, that’s just horrible.

Does he know he’s got a problem?

Maybe ask him these questions to prove he’s got an issue: www.innisfreetherapy.co.uk/am-i-a-sex-addict/

There are lots of free or paid for services out there that can help you both.

The porn addiction is one thing.... Flirting with your sister is surely the biggest issue here!

He says he's not done anything and changed his ways with the help of anti depressants to help calm his head dwn and stop it going into overtime. My boy is nearly 1 so he says he's not not anything since I was 12weeks, he actually said he's proud of him self for how much he's changed. He also said that his addiction would make him look a people (sister) then he would snap out of it, like 2 different people. I wish I could believe him as other than that we do really bounce of each other and have a great time. But this feeling always comes back to me