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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

new driver 35 mile commute

38 replies

shouldhavelistenedtom0ther · 07/12/2018 07:19

My 17 year old son has applied for a job in a rural setting 35 miles away. It is in a remote location, well away from public transport routes, and if he is successful in his application, he will work some unsocial hours (hospitality).

He can drive and has an old car. However, although he is very enthusiastic about the opportunity, I am really anxious about the prospect of him driving such a long way, down some pretty tricky roads, when he only passed his test in August.

The position is for an apprenticeship and would offer him the opportunity to train in an area in which he has an intense interest. However, AIBU to think the commute is too risky for a new, young driver?

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/12/2018 07:21

I'm pretty sure you said he passed his test not failed it?

Houseonahill · 07/12/2018 07:24

YABU sorry. That's why we have driving tests so someone qualified can decide whether or not you are safe to drive. Do you think he will be a sensible driver?

Stringofpearls · 07/12/2018 07:25

I think that all sounds fine, I did similar driving at a young age. I would set him up with some sort of AA cover or similar so that he's able to get help if there are any problems with the car starting etc. 35 miles really isn't that far, how long would you expect the journey to take? It might also be a good idea to test the route a few times beforehand so he gets to know the way a little.

bsc · 07/12/2018 07:25

With that amount of driving every day, he's going to get loads of practice and get really good quickly.

StillMedusa · 07/12/2018 07:26

My DD2 was in this position exactly a year ago..she had passed her test at Uni (no car of her own) and then applied for her dream job job where she would have to commute some distance. She didn't want to drive, only took lessons to 'get it out of the way'.

We got her a little old Corsa and watched with horror as she drove off (boy were her gear changes ropey!)

A year down the line, she is happily commuting, has driven to Scotland from Oxford twice, and is a great driver... She's a nurse and so works shifts coming home at odd hours.

He will become a better driver very quickly, and if its a regular route he will soon get used to it. I don't think being young makes any difference..he's passed his test and new drivers only gain experience by driving!
Also you can't really say no..if he has a car and is capable of getting a job..he's an adult!

AJPTaylor · 07/12/2018 07:26

He will be driving better quicker with experience.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 07/12/2018 07:27

I don't think passing your test instantly makes you a particularly safe driver (hence the huge insurance costs for the first year). On the other hand if this is a good opportunity I don't think he should give it up. Why not do the drive with him a few times so he's had practise?

headstone · 07/12/2018 07:28

Your son is more at risk when driving with his mates then when doing a commute. He is young with good reflexes and will hopefully be having his full concentration on the road.

NerrSnerr · 07/12/2018 07:28

Hell get experienced really quick. If he gets the job maybe you can offer to do a couple of practice runs.

TwoGinScentedTears · 07/12/2018 07:29

This has got to be one of the hardest bits of parenting! You have to let them go, even though you're fearful. He passed his test, has a roadworthy car and a good reason to want to do that drive-good for his prospects. Try and concentrate on those positives.

Maybe do trail run with him?

DiveBombingSeagull · 07/12/2018 07:30

He will become an experienced driver quickly but that commute will wipe out a chunk of apprenticeship wages - assuming he gets 35mpg, then that’s £5.50ish each journey so he may want to think about whether a closer job is better.

Heratnumber7 · 07/12/2018 07:32

Dive. That's similar to an average daily bus cost. A day rider in our town is about £5.

EeeSheWasThin · 07/12/2018 07:33

DSD had to start a placement 25 miles away on motorway then rural roads two weeks after passing her test. She just got in and got on with it and as a result is a confident driver.

Let him go. He’ll be fine.

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 07/12/2018 07:36

The only way you get better at driving is by doing it.

Maybe get him to drive you out there and back so you can talk through any potential hazards? When I passed my test 10 years ago it was very town-focused and didn't teach things like how to overtake horses and that there might be a tractor round that corner, so my dad took me out as a bolt on to my normal lessons.

adaline · 07/12/2018 07:41

I passed my test in October last year and my commute was rural country lanes in the dark! Yes it was scary but now it doesn't remotely bother me. It just takes practise.

Just remind him to drive as safely as possible and not to be bullied by other drivers into going faster as they can't overtake him. It's safer for him to pull over and let them past than be pressured to drive at speeds he's not comfortable with.

Original poster
shouldhavelistenedtom0ther · 07/12/2018 07:47

Thank you for the replies. Yes, a few trial runs will certainly be necessary and breakdown cover.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 07/12/2018 07:47

With a 35 mile commute, he will soon gain experience, skills and confidence, particularly by driving the same route every day.

I’ve had a couple of 35 mile ish commutes, including my first job. I was 22, but i’d only just passed my test.

I do however remember my mother’s look of horror when I announced that i’d be driving from London (home) to the Lake District for new year!

Treezylover · 07/12/2018 09:11

I passed after third attempt - few months later moved from Manchester to Aberdeen and drove it regularly, the best way to get good is to practice and he was obviously good enough to pass. It’s just your job as a mum to worry!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 07/12/2018 09:38

My first job after passing my test was a 35 mile commute and I was shift working so often driving in the dark. I was a very nervous driver initially but it was good for me as I became an 'experienced' driver quite quickly and it really increased my confidence.

Yabbers · 07/12/2018 09:41

Thousands of kids live rurally and manage to do this without any problem. 35 Miles isn’t far and when you pass your test it isn’t “you’ve passed but only to drive 5 miles on straight roads”

If he has absolutely no experience of rural driving (which is strange) then arrange for a few extra lessons from an instructor but that really shouldn’t be necessary.

MatildaTheCat · 07/12/2018 09:42

I’d be worried too although I agree with the others here that he will almost certainly be fine and become an experienced driver very quickly.

Would you consider sending him on an advanced drivers course to give him further skills? It should also reduce his insurance premiums. I would do this for a little more peace of mind.

thecatsthecats · 07/12/2018 09:45

YABU. Far safer than driving little jaunts with his mates.

My sister has taken the softly-softly approach herself, and was talking about 'driving up on the motorway alone' with trepidation - two years after she passed her test.

For various reasons, I just had to get on with it when I passed, and am a much more confident driver as a result.

OhComeOnRon · 07/12/2018 09:57

Are you a confident driver yourself OP?
How does your son actually feel about it as I feel you may be projecting?

Driving was never made a big issue by my parents when I learned to drive, I just passed my test, got in a car and didn't even think twice about driving a motorway, a 'tricky' road (whatever one of those is) or at night etc.

tabulahrasa · 07/12/2018 10:00

I started a 40 mile commute 4 days after passing my test....

Mushroomsarehorrible · 07/12/2018 10:11

Yabbers

If he has absolutely no experience of rural driving (which is strange)

Not strange at all. I learnt to drive when I lived in Notting Hill. Not many rural roads around there. That was four years ago and I have only needed to drive now as I have moved to rural Surrey recently, so country roads are an entirely new thing for me!

Like someone might baulk at the idea of driving on busy London roads, something I have no problem with, I found tight, bendy rural roads quite scary.