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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleagues comments - AIBU or do I need to get a grip

18 replies

Prettypoloponies · 06/12/2018 19:36

For context I am nearly 14 weeks pregnant. Have worked for the company for over 2 years, I am field based, visit the office about 4 times a year which is 250 miles away. It is within a very male dominated industry. I already have one DS aged 6.

A few of my colleagues have started to find out this week that I am pregnant. No problem with this.

Firstly I will start by saying I have always had a good relationship with this colleague, she is always one of the first people I will approach when up at head office. However, more recently she has consistently made reference to me being my managers favourite. (I am the only external female in the company) I am not the favourite - I just have a very good relationship with a lot of communication so anything that goes to the office that needs his approval has already been discussed and he will sign off without needing details from them. This I have explained to her on a few occasions to dismiss her accusation.
Today she asked me if my unborn baby is my managers - WTF?! Am I being unreasonable to think this is massively over stepping the mark?

Secondly, the Sales director called me last night to discuss a separate matter but proceeded to ask several questions regarding how I was going to cope with returning to work due to the demanding nature of my role - nights away, early starts and so on, he also asked who would be looking after the baby, how long was I going to be off and what was I entitled to and when I said I had already looked at nursery and the cost he started asking questions about how was I going to afford being off and so on.
AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable questioning?

And thirdly, unrelated to my pregnancy, I had visited a client on Monday and today he was in a merchant that my partner has newly taken over as manager. My company came up in conversation and he said that I had been to see him and that I had wanted him to fuck me - I certainly did not. His colleague informed him the man stood two foot away from him was indeed my partner, to which he was all of a sudden he very sheepish. AIBU in think WTF is wrong with people or are pregnancy hormones making me a sensitive sally? I’ve had a right gut full the last 24 hours and I maybe losing rational thinking!

OP posts:

Pachyderm1 · 06/12/2018 19:39

YANBU, all of these are shocking!

Bamchicabaawaa · 06/12/2018 19:39

That sounds bloody awful YADNBU. Are you ok now?

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 06/12/2018 19:42

Bunch of nasty so-and-sos. It’s not you.

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 06/12/2018 19:44

They are all out of order. Please start taking decent notes in case you need them when you come back to work if they try and force you out of your job.

6triesbuttingout · 06/12/2018 19:49

As amydowdens

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/12/2018 19:52

The first and last are awful!

I think the middle one is a bit more tricky. He wouldn't have asked the same question of a man...but then I know more women than men who expect their job role will be a lot more flexible on their return to work than it actually can be (in a customer facing role - for example not being able to travel and wanting one day a week when they are the customers main contact) so it may actually be good to get everything out in the open now around expectations as if you wanted to change your role significantly then they may get someone in permanent to do your current role. He should have done it face to face though and not put pressure on you, just a rough chat to see if you had any thoughts or expectations on how you saw the role on your return. And if you said you'd be fine travelling etc then he should not have asked who'd be looking after the baby etc - it's absolutely none of his business and he should have taken you at your word you can travel

Original poster

Prettypoloponies · 06/12/2018 20:01

I’m fine bamchica although stewing on their comments, I told my manager about her comments and I think he was quite offended by them, he is a lovely man who adores his wife and respects myself and my partner too.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 06/12/2018 20:05

Those are really shocking.

First of all, this woman says you're the manager's favourite then asks whether he's the father of your unborn child? What are you going to do about that? Were there any witnesses to that conversation?

The second one is shocking, though I agree with the PP that they might worry that you will expect less travel etc, but the way they went about it was really wrong.

The third one - I'm confused. Who said that you wanted to fuck him? Can you explain that again?

bridgetreilly · 06/12/2018 20:07

You need to contact HR. These are not acceptable at any level.

Redken24 · 06/12/2018 20:10

The baby daddy comment needs reported.
Asking about when your coming back is a bit too soon - is there not a meeting when your 20 weeks to discuss maty pay, leave etc.
The last one is awful as well!I don't really understand it but I would report it if you can.

CardsforKittens · 06/12/2018 20:11

Totally unacceptable. Is there a union and if so are you a member?

TranmereRover · 06/12/2018 20:14

make a long dated note of each incident now; get it on paper as near-contemporaneously as you can.

lily2403 · 06/12/2018 20:15

They only have a right to ask how long maternity leave so they can arrange cover. It’s none of their business who looks after your baby when you return to work.

The other things are completely unacceptable.

HR would be my port of call for all the comments so it was noted.

Original poster

Prettypoloponies · 06/12/2018 20:19

Hollowtalk the third one was a client, think along the lines of a tradesman - thinking he was being funny most likely I don’t see how I can report that really as he isn’t employed by our company.
Also no witnesses as it was a phone conversation and calls aren’t recorded so it’s very much a case of she says, she says.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 06/12/2018 20:20

I think you need to pay a visit to HR. They are breaking all sorts of rules.

astoundedgoat · 06/12/2018 20:22

Do you have a HR team?

ReanimatedSGB · 06/12/2018 20:35

Well, technically you could make a complaint to whoever employs the client, but that would be more likely to make everyone else think that you are being precious about your pregnancy. THe colleague is thoroughly out of order and all the questions about your childcare arrangements might even be illegal.

kaitlinktm · 06/12/2018 21:00

The colleagues comment was most offensive - how dare she? I would think it is an understatement to say that your manager was "quite offended" - isn't what she said some sort of misconduct. Is he also her manager? If so, then he needs to call her in and tell her to watch her slanderous tongue.

Sales Director - inappropriate. Your childcare arrangements are none of his business, just as his would be none of yours. If there is an HR department iy might be worth mentioning it to them.

As for the third one - will you have to be in contact with that client/tradesman again?

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