Anxiety around work travel

[GreenHillOpposite]

AIBU to ask for your experience, insight and advice on this?

I travel for work typically a couple of days a week, typically only in England and often involving overnight stays. I have been doing this job for about 8 years. (Wow I didn't realise it was that long). The travel is really getting me down. For a day or so beforehand I get either anxious or depressed. Once I'm actually on the train I generally feel better, although this is becoming less true and I'm starting to disassociate in order to cope.

I have put steps in place to remedy the situation, for example at Christmas I'm going down to 0.8 and I'm retraining, but it's not enough. I feel like bursting in to tears at the thought of travelling tomorrow, I've eaten nothing but mince pies all day. I actually feel scared and it's ridiculous.

Not sure I can help, but I did 15+ years in a job with a lot of travel, and ended up hating it.

For me, I just needed a change, in fact I still travel but less frequently.

All I could do was treat myself - I used to pay out of my own pocket for an occasional one-leg first class upgrade for example - dunno if it helps - I used it as a sort of bribe to myself to help me stand it.

A colleague once said to me "when you are on the platform do you hate everyone else waking for the train?" and I realised she had a point. It was good sharing our experience.

What do you dislike about the travel / associated work?

Thanks badly I do try to make it more pleasant - glass of wine and bubble bath on an evening, takeaway on expenses, save a netflix programme for the last half hour of the journey... it's just not working any more. (Do I hate everyone else on the platform? No not really).

Loopy I find it incredibly lonely. I am often cold, hungry and tired as the days are long and the trains are often disrupted, too cold, too crowded etc. But mostly I can't put my finger on it. I just have this strong urge to stay at home and not leave. When I'm working from home, sometimes I just have this urge to stay in bed. I sometimes feel like I want to burst in to tears.

Then I beat myself up because I feel lucky to have a job, and a well-paid one at that.

Maybe time to look for a new job, Greenhill. I recognise some of your feelings as I work away a lot. I'm just back from a 4 day trip and glad to be home. I do though really love my job. If I didn't I wouldn't like the travelling.

What can you do to address the cold and hungry issues? Can you pack some tasty food from home for you to take so that you're not at the whim of takeaways/supermarkets? Have a nice hat/scarf/glove ensemble to keep you warm? A banging playlist on your ipod? Anything that makes the journey(s) pleasurable for you will help you to cope.

I do feel for you and sometimes, having a job, even a well-paid one is small recompense when you really just-don't-wanna...

... and don't beat yourself up because your feelings are valid, whatever they are. They're yours.

Thank you.

I think perhaps that I've run out of the time where a thick winter coat and nice scarf will make the difference. They did make a difference at first. I don't know. I think I realise that I have to leave the job for the sake of my health, but I just can't make the leap.

Time to start looking then definitely. My other suggestion was going to be that you go by car and get everything packed and into the boot the night before so that you can just get up and go the next morning but I'm sure you've looked at every option available to you.

If you think that it's affecting your health then its a no-brainer. You have to leave - get a different job. Make that a priority so that you can start living again because this one sounds as if it's making you very miserable and that's not worth it when we spend so many hours a day working.

:(

Sorry to hear OP.
Have you tried mindfulness? I found The headspace app really good at helping to break the negative thought cycle. I am a lot more accepting of temporary inconvenience now, and feel less overwhelmed.

Op, how old are you?

Hi blue yes, I'm a big proponent of mindfulness. It certainly helped a lot at first, and still helps when my train is delayed or I'm stuffed on to the tube :)

Aqua I'm 39. Why do you ask?

I had a job that involved a lot of travel ( abroad as well as U.K.) and it does lose its shine after a while. All the friends saying ‘ How glamorous! New York again! ‘ - there were some fun bits but it was mostly offices and impersonal hotel rooms and airports and my home and social life falling apart because I wasn’t there or was jet lagged or catching up on the washing when I got back. It’s so not the same as a holiday.

Have you considered that your anxiety could be related to peri-menopause? It is extremely common and you are definitely not too young. Issues, especially anxiety, can manifest for years ahead of full menopause.

Can the number of journeys be reduced? Surely with video conferencing or even phone conferences, some could be avoided.

You mention feeling upset when working at home too. Is it dislike of the actual job?

Is your mental health an issue more generally?

I have a MH issue, including some anxiety around commuting and work (and indeed any!) travel, and for me it’s the MH issue rather than the job or travel that’s the problem.

Poor you OP, I empathise - in fact I'm wondering if you work for the same group I do! Some of the field based team are on the road 4 days a week and regularly overnight - I used to do it, I was generally okay as I drove to all my appointments and I like driving. It wasn't mandatory to stay over, so if the journey to a visit was less than 3 hours I'd drive there and back in a day.

These days I only need to be out a couple of days a week, but now it's cold and dark I also think I really don't wanna! I had a crappy visit in London and the train was delayed and they have rubbish coffee at the office, bleh.

If you are feeling that you can't face getting up and are getting teary at the very idea, I think you are already well into stress and depression territory. Can you book some days off, go see your GP?

It really sounds like you need some time out.

@badlydrawnperson My answer to that would be yes. What is supposed to be the deeper meaning behind the question?

Platypus thank you for responding, your validation really helps. Impersonal hotel rooms, social connections suffering... very familiar.

Aqua No, I had not considered being peri-menopausal! Something to research.

Forall Most meetings are online, but the 'performance' aspect of my job really needs to be face-to-face.

Loopy I love working from home for the first few days, but then I find the loneliness crushing. Weekends and holidays I'm fine though, actually more than fine, until I start thinking about travelling the following week. I'm not sure if I like my job or not, it's hard to separate it out from the work conditions. I guess it feels more like a job and less of a vocation than ever before though.

Close to the knuckle Elephantina I'll have to come back to your post on tomorrow's 7am train

This evening I've been to the gym - work out followed by yoga and within 2 minutes I was feeling better. I know it's something that works for me, but that makes me feel all the more resentful when work stops me from getting there.

Gah, I'm such a moaning minny.

I really empathise. When I took my job many years ago there was no travelling. Every now and then my manager suggests I need to travel to our European offices and the thought if it makes me feel sick. I've said no so far, and I'll leave if they force the issue.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do,

Worked in a very similar way for years OP and really hated it by the end. Staying in soulless hotels is horrible. Try to eat healthier and not takeaways so often may help. Travel is really tiring too.

I think that it's quite telling how helpful I find your posts. So part of my problem is denying the significance of things like travel and loneliness and berating myself...

I think that I need a quicker escape plan than I'd envisaged.