To ask for advice re breakup

[Newlife1987]

The short story is I'm going to leave DP. We are great friends, I care about him, he is a wonderful dad to DD but the relationship has been passionless for a few years now and despite efforts to try and rectify things I am just not at all attracted to him, don't want to kiss him, and cringe at any intimacy. We both deserve more, and I want to maintain a good friendship for DD.
The thing is DP is very very sensitive. We broke up briefly 2 years ago and he was totally broken, wouldn't get out of bed and having panic attacks.
I have lined up a place to live but haven't told DP yet. I feel so guilty but I know that it will be unbearable telling him before moving out, however I feel so guilty that he'll find out I've been plotting leaving before telling him.
Should I be honest now or wait till the new place is ready to move in to?
Also, can I ask how people best share custody with children after a break up? I want DD to spend equal time with us both, as I say he's a wonderful father. I want things to be as little disruptive as possible for DD (15 months).

DP has an interview next week too which I worry will go tits up if I break the news to him before then

There is no easy way. Definitely not before the interview. It is going to hurt however you do it. Focus on maintaining the relationship with his daughter. Maybe try and get him to think about how shared care might work

Thanks Confusedbeetle

I don't know what's worse - moving out without warning or staying in the same house for 2 weeks with him begging me to try again!

I would wait until you have somewhere to go if it isn't unpleasant being there now. Having to cohabit when one of you has hurt the other is so awkward and not good for a child. In terms of custody, I would be suggesting 50/50 to him to make it clear that you aren't trying to take his child away

I agree, tell him when the place is ready.
Sorry OP, it's really hard. You feel guilty but you can't stay because he can't cope if you are unhappy.
Do you think it's genuine or manipulative?

RayRayBidet

I think it is genuine, he struggles a lot with resilience, and he is very idealistic about life and relationships. It's such a difficult time of year for a break up too, money spent on gifts for one another and what not. His family will take it as bad as him too.
For those that share custody, what kind of pattern do you have? 1 week with one parent, the next with the other? 3 days with each? I don't know what's best.

I agree with the others. Move out when the place is ready. We have all been dumped. He doesnt get to prevent you ending it because he is sensitive.

I left my ex when DS was 18 months old. We have a fairly flexible 50/50 arrangement and a shared calendar, but it's generally EOW and a mix of week nights so we tend to do 4 nights one week and three the next, but change it around other commitments. Works for us, but know that some people would rather a fixed routine. It is difficult at that age because you will have to facilitate any facetime etc for the other parent so we've found it helps that we only go a few days without seeing him

OK, thought I'd ask as he wouldn't be the first.
Sorry OP, you will get through it but it's not going to be easy. Good luck