Can I move..?

[CallMePea]

Posting in AIBU mainly for traffic.. I know how active you lot are! If this needs moving to another topic that's fine.

I have a daughter with my ex. We've finally got to a position where I can get him to see her on a steady basis. He now has her two nights per week and drops her at the local school the next morning.

In the next couple of years I have plans to move. I'm looking at the area my partner is from, I have a few friends in the area along with partner's family. Career prospects, honestly, are pretty much the same as they are for me where I live at the minute. House prices will be cheaper if we move. It's roughly 40 miles from where we currently all live. Ex and his new girlfriend live 6 miles from me at the minute.

When the time comes that I'd like to move it will involve having to move DD to a different school.. meaning my ex would no longer have her overnight in the week. He works occasional weekends so the EOW arrangement that works well for some people, he wouldn't do.

I know he could file a prohibited steps order - do you think under the circumstances a judge would prohibit the move? It's 40 miles but does take 45 minutes/1 hour in rush hour.

My head is scrambled lately so I've probably missed a lot of vital information.. if I have.. apologies! Any advice is appreciated.

An hours commute is perfectly reasonable for contact. You'd just need to agree on the weekends he isn't working. Something could be arranged midweek no doubt especially in holidays.

I also think it's reasonable but if I told him the sky is blue he'd argue it was pink. Anything I say is wrong so I just want to make sure I'm not deluding myself with this.
I'm glad to hear it doesn't seem to be too out of scope. If he ended up filing a PSO I hope I'd have a chance.

YABU because in the case of shared custody and co-parenting I think being local is absolutely key, especially as they get older and start to develop their own lives meaning they don't want to be tied to whole weekends at a time visiting. Put your daughter first. Plus how would you like to only see your child every couple of weeks?

My ds dad lives 45.min away and does eow. If he works then his wife has ds. I agreed as its so rare.

My neighbours son goes to his dad's which is an hour away eow and one night in week from sch on a Tues and taken to sch on a weds morning.

@ExplodedPeach whole weekends at a time isn't an option, whether you feel it's a bad idea or not. He's refused to have her for more than the two nights during the week so EOW wouldn't happen anyway.
I'd hate to see my daughter a few times a week, I appreciate that, but my ex doesn't. He's explicitly stated he's happy with having her a couple of times a week because otherwise he "wouldn't get time to himself." He refuses all Friday and Saturday nights overnight because in his words "he won't get to go out with his friends."

It's a sticky subject, I know that. Hence why I'm asking for opinions.

I'm asking if moving 40 miles away is unreasonable. All opinions obviously welcome.

it is reasonable if you do at the very very least do 50% of the traveling you would be YABU if you want to move and him doing all or the vast majority of the traveling.

But other then that perfectly reasonable.

I think it would be very very rare for a Prohibited Steps Order to apply to a within UK move - they are generally for moves to other countries - but I am not a Lawyer, just a parent.

We moved about 120 miles further north and then ex moved even further south so we live about 150 miles apart. One of the conditions of moving was that we did 50/50 drop offs and pickups. It's worked well in the main but it was fair to not expect him to do all the travelling.

But she will be doing almost 100% of the parenting so why should the ex not do the bulk of the travelling? Sometimes it just isn't as simple as 'who moved'? From what the OP says this guy isn't prioritising his DD over time to himself or time with his mates, nor is he looking for alternative work options which would allow EOW even if he wanted it. Too many NRPs get to a point v quickly where seeing their child has to fit round their life rather than the other way around. If he isn't that bothered then why should the RP have to shape all her decisions round him? 40 miles is an average commute for lots of people and I can't see a judge entertaining a PS order for it unless the ex could demonstrate he was going to actively participate in parenting rather more than he is now.

I'd have no issue with helping with the travelling, I just don't think he'd go for any of my options I suppose.

Morally or legally? Legally, I doubt a nearby move would ever be blocked. Morally, I believe co-parents have a responsibility to try to arrange housing to facilitate and prioritize shared custody.

40 miles doesn't sound a lot but it depends on transport. My DSD moved 10 miles away which by car is only 30 mins away however both her parents can't drive. It's 5 hours travel round trip by public transport. On another thread someone wanted to move 40 miles which involved a ferry and moving to an island!

In terms of transport (other than the fact we both drive) it's a 20 minute train journey between the two places.
Morally I suppose I'm struggling a bit with staying here sometimes. I moved here so he could stay close to his family. If I have to wait until she's an adult before I move then I'll do it, I just wondered if 40 miles was unreasonable while she's still a child.

Another factor I forgot to mention is that when our daughter starts secondary school we won't be in the catchment area for the school closest to her dad, so at that point I'd imagine he wouldn't want to be having her overnight in the week because he'd have to travel to get her to school.
I'm not sure what we'll have to arrange for contact with that as he's inflexible about weekends. But it was another consideration I guess.

Prohibited steps order can and are used for moves within in the UK as i have seen RP wanting to move from kent or Cornwall to the Shetland islands and out herbiredes islands in Scotland these places can take longer to get to then the far eastern parts of Europe. And they cost significantly more then simply flying out to Europe.

I appreciate that. The move I'd hope to do is 40 miles up the motorway, good train links too. Takes about 45 minutes in a car, 20 on the train.