To ask how to be organised co-parents?

[milkandpancakes]

I've split amicably from DS dad and see a lot of each other as he comes and takes DS to school each morning. DS also spends Wednesday nights with his dad and all of Saturday plus Saturday night. So it's about 50/50 I guess. But we really struggle with the organisation side of things, neither me nor my ex are naturally organised and ex in particular drives me mad as he's constantly forgetting things.

So my question is if you're separated or not or even if you don't have kids, how do you keep it simple and stay on top of things? Am constantly stressed by the forgetfulness, poor timekeeping, things being in the wrong house etc. My ex has a tendency to come up with complex systems involving spreadsheets etc which involve too much work and get abandoned. He has Aspergers if that's relevant and communication can be fraught as it feels like if there's any possibility of misunderstanding then it will happen!

So, how can I help us both with this? I want some kind of system that is completely idiot-proof and hard to forget (unrealistic maybe?!) Thanks!

Isn't it just the same every week? What kind of things get forgotten? I would have a supply of PJ's, clothes, toothbrush etc. and his dad's house then just keep a list of other stuff (e.g. school book bag, or whatever) that needs to come back and forth.

shared google calendar.

EVERYTHING is in there. School terms, where's he's sleeping what nights, family bdays (so we can arranged weekends around this), social clubs, when fees have been paid etc.

We both have editing access and others (our partners, DS's grandparents etc) all have viewing access. So if ex's new partner wants to plan a weekend away, she can see when they have DS etc. Or I can make sure I don't book something on ex-MIL's bday

EX is also useless at remember things, so I put reminders in the calendar (take £1 for mufti) for example. Frustrating that I do all the organisation or admin, but I view it as best for DS, not a favour to EX.

I also provide/wash all clothes etc. I would just rather that then it comes back and I know nothing is forgotten. I put whatever he needs for clubs, his clothes etc in a bag when he goes to his Dad's house.

There should be 2 sets of toothbrushes, PJ's etc and be kept at respective houses.

My DH and I have a shared “family calendar” which is something you can do if you both have gmail accounts. One electronic calendar which you both have on your phones and which syncs in with your personal calendar. As son as dates for things come from school or nursery I immediately enter it into the calendar. Then we also have all the reoccurring things (PE kit Mondays, library book Tuesdays, show and tell Friday, etc) entered as a reoccurring appointment every single week, with a reminder that pings in our phones at 7:30am while we are eating breakfast.

@PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall really basic things get forgotten all the time and my ex doesn't really buy clothes as he's very hard up so I provide that. DS also forgetful and leaves something he needs at school with great frequency. He gets picked up by a childminder and the school don't really remind him about things so we're always playing catch-up and trying to figure out where his reading book or gloves are etc.

I'm thinking of getting a whiteboard for the wall near my front door and putting visual reminders on there of all the usual things plus a section for reminders like mufti money, clubs, appts etc.
Is there anything that might help my ex though? I'm thinking of getting him some 'keeping organised' stuff for Christmas but I want it to be genuinely useful.
I find technology-based stuff doesn't really work for me whereas he's quite geeky and loves all that stuff but doesn't seem to do anything consistently or effectively!

Do you both have an iPhone? You can set up a shared calendar in 30seconds in there so it appears on both phones.

Then put appointments, notes and reminders on it