What am I doing wrong??

[fallingleavess]

Every time I have a bad day it something important is happening he causes a row...

I'm not sure if it's gaslighting or not so for example a few days ago our dryer broke so had a rushed afternoon getting a new one getting rid of the old one, as well as school runs, clubs dinner ect. I was feeling a little stressed, he was in work so tried to get it all sorted before picking him up so he didn't have a stress after work, so we got home and I sorting out the washing and he excused me of being huffy and short I honestly don't believe I was I didn't moan or anything I was just getting on, so I said please don't act like I'm being worse than I am ( I rushed all afternoon for a stress free evening so I really didn't think I was huffy) he blew up said I was saying making things up and he hadn't said that I was huffy then said because I had a bad day I was trying to ruin his day ect.

I don't get it though I didn't do anything imo?

He carried in shouting and basically playing a victim for an hour then just wanted to carry on as normal so I did I talked nice. Then my friend called apparently I was talking to loud on the phone he blew up again and then 20 mins later he wants to talk normal again I said no you can't keep shouting at me then act normal and he blew up again of course he's saying it's all me and Iv ruined the night ... is it me ? I know this seems very trivial but it's just an example of what it's like

I don't know what I'm doing wrong he then went to sleep without saying good night because I was talking to loud, all i wanted after a busy day was a hug I don't no how to take this

Sorry OP I did try to fix similar - counselling, the lot etc

I believed the big apologies too and all the fresh starts

I really tried to be understanding and sympathetic

But I just faced years of abuse

Maybe occasionally people fix it but that has to come from him consistently, not from you asking

I'm cynical it can resolve and would urge to leave rather than waste your time being manipulated, abused and trampled on any longer

Sign of emotional abuse:
Creates circular, never-ending conversations to confuse and exhaust you.Some abusers seem to thrive on stirring the pot with exhausting, circular arguments.They can go on and on with confusing, long-winded tirades that ultimately leave you so exhausted, you give up.

You will say or do just about anything to avoid getting trapped in this vortex of confusion and contention—and that’s exactly what your abuser wants.

Signs Of Mental Abuse

33. Has unpredictable emotional outbursts.

Screaming. Cursing. A crying jag. Inappropriate laughter. Knocking a lamp off the table. A calm discussion can escalate in a matter of seconds into a full-blown eruption of emotion. You are so caught off guard by this outburst, you have no idea how to respond.

34. Shows a “Jekyll and Hyde” temperament with wild mood swings.

This morning she woke up happy and loving, but by lunchtime, she’s so cold and rude, you wonder if another person has inhabited her body.

One minute he’s laughing and having fun with the kids, but the next he’s barking out orders and yelling about the dirty dishes. Riding your partner’s hourly emotions is like being on a roller coaster wearing a blindfold. You never know what to expect next.

40. Makes a big scene about small or insignificant life problems.

The holiday turkey gets burned, and he has to announce what a lousy cook you are in front of the entire family. You forget to bring some important documents to the meeting with the accountant, and she makes sure everyone knows you always make stupid mistakes like this. Your partner trolls through life, looking for reasons to have a blowup and make a scene.

Just some of the 61 signs of emotional and mental abuse in a relationship. Try reading this OP, I think it might make sense for you.
liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse

Emotional abuse.

He’s an emotionally abusive shit. No way could I live like this. What a horrible man

Run like the wind OP, this is emotional abuse