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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my friend being ungrateful...

30 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 05/12/2018 23:19

Close friends birthday recently, she is normally lavish with other people's birthdays so I thought I would treat her. I got her an experience day thing (won't be outing but let's just say it's for afternoon tea). Paid extra for her to be able to take a friend. All good.
Birthday was in mid October, the voucher runs out late January. I keep asking if she has contacted her friend and booked in yet. She keeps saying "no I need to do it, I haven't got around to it yet". I'm worried the h voucher will run out and it will be £50 down the drain... Its one of these places where you ring up and say you have a voucher and they tell you what slots they have available. Avalibility is likely to shoot down around December time. Aibu to feel put out she hasn't redeemed it and doesn't seem in the least bit guilty or apologetic at how it's coming across?

OP posts:
VictoryOrValhalla · 06/12/2018 12:20

Why on earth would she be taking another friend and not you?! I would buy a present like that for something for us to do together, not for them and another friend- I find that really odd, might she feel the same?

So essentially you buy yourself a gift and pass it off as buying your friend a gift.

It’s not a gift if there are conditions on how they use it.

GabsAlot · 06/12/2018 20:48

my dsis bought her friend a birthday gift like that for her to take my disis-she quite blatant

Deerstalker · 06/12/2018 21:42

Stop asking and don’t do similar again

loveiseverything · 06/12/2018 22:10

@LittleMissUnreasonable no your not being unreasonable. You forked out your hard earned cash and for it to go to waste is annoying!
I don't understand why she hasn't asked you to go with her tho, I wouldn't dream of accepting a gift such as that which has a plus one included and not take the person that bought it for me

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/12/2018 00:14

I keep asking if she has contacted her friend and booked in yet. She keeps saying "no I need to do it, I haven't got around to it yet".

Why on earth would she be taking another friend and not you?! I would buy a present like that for something for us to do together, not for them and another friend- I find that really odd, might she feel the same?

I wondered if she's already used it with another friend or relative and, every time you ask her if she's contacted her friend yet, she hears this as you asking her when she's going to invite YOU to come along - which she may interpret as you being very cheeky, giving her a kind, significant gift - but effectively wanting to take half of it straight back for yourself.

If she has a DH or DP (and it's not a particularly 'girly' thing), then he would be her natural choice of accompanying person and nobody would think anything of it; but if she's single and planned on taking her DSis or a different friend (or has already done so), then she might be embarrassed to tell you, seeing as you insist on constantly mentioning it, that you weren't her first choice and therefore hoping to wait until it would have expired before lying and expressing faux disappointment that she never had chance to use her lovely gift from you.

Either way, I really think you need to let it lie now. If she genuinely does let it expire without using it (and it's still only about halfway through its very restrictive validity period), she's the one who will have chosen to forfeit her own present. You won't have lost £50 as, presumably, you would have otherwise spent that money on a tangible present for her anyway. Even if it is something that she genuinely wants, I fear that your endless going on about it will now have irreparably soured the whole present in her eyes.

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