Ex and Christmas presents?

[Buttersbetterthanmarge]

Last month exdp called and asked what our dcs wanted for Christmas, so I told him what they wanted and have not heard p from him since.

This evening I get a call from Exmil, telling me I'm being hard and that the gifts they've asked for are too much for him to afford, as he's just lost his job and thinks it's unfair that he should pay for them on his own.

For context he pays no maintance or when he does it's the bare minimum, so I constantly pay for things myself. He's always in designer clothes and new designer trainers, so as far as I was aware he had a job so was able to buy these items.

Obviously I will also be getting them gifts and I'm the end probably spend more than him on Xmas and their birthdays, which is a week before. The only difference is that I stagger buying so don't get caught out in one month trying to pays bills as well as pay for Xmas, I've already spent £200 on clothes that they desperately needed and that's as much as a Nintendo switch.

So aibu?

No - he is a flake. But it probably isn't the first time and you know it won't be the last. Why did you say to ex-MIL after you for the sob story. I hope its what you said here?

You are not BU. How were you to know he had lost his job if he didn't tell you, and how spineless to get his Mum to ring you.

He can't ask you what the DCs want and then get his MUM to call you and say no. Bit cowardly.

You’re being totally unreasonable for not getting CMS involved already.

Make him pay for his kids

YANBU he asked and you answered him. Is he unable to speak for himself so his mum has to speak on his behalf. I never rely on exdh getting anything he says he will get dd at xmas or for her birthday. If gifts turn up there a bonus for her. Hes known all year xmas and bdays were coming he should have thought about things before now and prepared. My exdh always in designer gear too btw. We arent exactly going to think they are on the breadline are we?!

Is your ex my ex op? He will never change, and you will forever be footing the bill.

Put your MIL straight though, don't let him get away with that one.

What did you say to ex MIL?

I'd just get CMS involved and not expect anything more from him. I wouldn't be engaging with his ridiculous mother.

I told her that it's not really my problem and if he can't get it to tell me now so I can buy it myself.

I'm by no means rich, but did put away a few hundred £ as I knew he would likely do this and it would be on Xmas eve, so that I'm rushing around trying to find one in the shop.

@Omunye, he gets out of it by doing agency work, the slightest sniff of cms and he quits. It's pointless.

Maybe ring her back say youve been thinking about it and she could put towards the gift as her bday and xmas presents for them.

@Mumshappy, I think she'd keel over

Two birds one stone - only joking

Don't let your MIL know you are buying yourself because rhere is no incentive fro any of his family or him to buy anything. Buy it and don't tell them. Text her and say how its really disappointing that let the children are being let down yet again. You didn't think it was too expensive as he doesn't pay any maintenance. Tell her its also very weak that he has got her to pass on the message.

He does it all the time, gets her to call me to say he can't pay me any maintainace,
He's a manchild.

He knows I'll buy it, I'm still waiting for my ds school uniform that he was buying, that was 3 years ago.
I will never hold my breath and wait for them to do anything for me or my dcs.

He does it all the time, gets her to call me to say he can't pay me any maintainace,
He's a manchild

This pisses me off.

How does she think her GC are being raised? On fresh air.

I'd block her number. Silly woman.

And next time he asks, say all you want them to have is proper maintenance and maybe a home-made really special, personal card from him

but let her know each and every time. If she is going to facilitate a wanker she (and his father) need to know.

I think they both believe my dcs live on fresh air.

It really angers me, all I hear from him is he has bills to pay like I live rent free or from her that I'm treating him unfairly.

Men absolving responsibility, with the support of mummy dearest.

I can.see why he's an Ex.

I can't understand why men like this think it's okay not to contribute to the upkeep of their DC.

As they get older, they'll see him for what he is.

Mummy never did teach him how to be a grown up.

Why are you taking calls from this woman? Does she actually bring any joy to your children’s lives or is she just his mummy?

he gets out of it by doing agency work, the slightest sniff of cms and he quits

What a git.

I pay the CMS assessment figure for day to day costs. Extras such as Xmas, Birthdays and school trips I pay as to be fair Ex can't afford. Myself and my parents pay the maximum into the Child's Trust Fund.

@MissedTheBoatAgain he's more than a git. He used to give me £30 a week that then stopped so I asked him to pay for one of our dcs clubs, he paid the first instalment then didn't pay again, it wasn't until the coach came up to me and said that a payment of £100 was overdue that I knew he hadn't payed it.

It's disgraceful and I really don't understand how people can be so feckless.
As for his mum she isn't really all bad, over the years we've had our ups and downs and she does love the dcs, but she has completely ruined her children.

Seems an easy get out for someone to quit working as soon as they think CMS are going to make an assessment, but how can the Law force someone to work?