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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to move away from family drama

12 replies

Miracles34 · 05/12/2018 20:59

I'm currently twenty four and expecting my first child with my husband of one year. We got married after meeting at university and fell in love and now live with my in laws. My husband's family is predominantly Muslim, he is of Pakistani and Bosnian descent and recently, I've been having issues with my side of the family.

My parents divorced but for some reason live together and although they accept my husband and our marriage, my brother has been giving me grief for my marriage. He was dating my husband's cousin long before I was with my OH but they split up before they got married as they were engaged. It is unfortunate that he sometimes has to be surrounded by her even though they've patched up (she's now with someone else) but sometimes he can't cope. He tells me he wishes I was never with her cousin and has asked us for divorce.

My husband and I think it'll spiral out of control as my brother was convicted of assault on his ex's husband. I love my family dearly and living with my in laws has been amazing but the only option we have to move ourselves as he's asked or encourage my cousin to get a restraining order.

The nearest place we could move is three hours away really. AIBU if I want to cut him out even though I have a connection to someone who meant a lot to him?

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 05/12/2018 21:09

What madness is this?! He's asked you to get divorced? Your brother?

Original poster
Miracles34 · 05/12/2018 21:18

@Maelstop

What madness is this?! He's asked you to get divorced? Your brother?

Once or twice yes, I can see why he's hurt, but she's my husband's cousin and not sibling so the relationship isn't as close. I feel like he has existing issues that has caused him to think like this tbh.

OP posts:
WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 05/12/2018 21:33

Your brother has asked you to divorce your husband... the same brother who has attacked your cousin-in-law's husband?

Your brother sounds like a total delight Hmm

Original poster
Miracles34 · 05/12/2018 22:25

My brother wasn't like this before, he blames a lot of this due to my marriage but I just want to get away but at the same time, I don't want to leave my family behind. Now I'm wishing he was convicted and sent to jail.

OP posts:
Neverender · 05/12/2018 22:28

I don't think this sounds very 'normal', an by that I don't mean that this isn't very real or happening to you, but it just isn't reasonable. I would distance yourself from this as much as possible if I were you. It's not ok.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2018 22:52

Your brother sounds unhinged and dangerous. I don't understand why you have him in your home for any reason.

Original poster
Miracles34 · 05/12/2018 23:35

I don't have him at my home or anywhere but the times both families have got together, he pretends he's civil and can handle seeing his ex but it just ends up into a showdown. We've stopped inviting him anywhere and my husband is considering relocating for a job just so we can have our baby in peace. But it shouldn't be on us to move away when we aren't causing any problems. I do appreciate that this sounds iffy but sometimes these things do happen, albeit rarely.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 05/12/2018 23:45

You don't need to move, you obviously shouldn't change your lives in any way because of his mental instability.

I would go n/c until he is able to behave like a normal human being.

Evangelinee · 05/12/2018 23:55

Whys the nearest you can move to three hours away?
Why do you need to move anyway?

KC225 · 06/12/2018 06:24

You need to NOT invite him if there are any family events. I would be keeping my distance from him - he doesn't sound right at all.

NameChange457 · 06/12/2018 06:57

Why’s the nearest you can move 3 hours away? Why are you living with your in-laws anyway? Surely you want your own space especially now you’re expecting a child?

I don’t understand why the history between your cousin and brother has to be a big deal for you - I mean I completely get why it’s a big deal for your brother (not excusing the violence though) if they were engaged it’s obviously still painful for him. Plenty of people have exes they’d rather not see, let alone find themselves related to. Is he actually seriously asking you to divorce? Or just saying it would be much easier if you divorced or similar as a way of expressing his frustration and hurt?

But for you and your husband - just don’t see brother and cousin-in-law together, you’re the link so presumably they only have to deal with each other if you invite them both. How often do you really need to see them both together? In my family anyone more distant than siblings/parents really only sees the in-law side of the family at weddings and funerals. And why are you choosing the more distant relative -the cousin over your brother? What caused their break up? If your brother really is being controlling towards you then fair enough just don’t see him, but I really don’t see what it has to do with moving anyway.

Original poster
Miracles34 · 08/12/2018 00:25

My husband works for a company that has offices in the UK but the nearest place to where we currently live is three hours away, hence the relocation.

OP posts:
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