To be struggling at work, ds just diagnosed asd

[strugglingatwork]

I know I'm not BU. Bit of a cry for help really.

Ds8 has been diagnosed with autism this week. He's not been in school for months, barely educated despite having no learning needs at all and is gifted. Things have been so hard.

The diagnosis was not a surprise at all.

So why am I fighting back tears at work and completely unable to concentrate. He's still the same delight he was before but I'm so worried for him and us.

There's no support, no help, no schools, no funding (well there is a bit but it's all been exhausted and didn't work) and I don't know if I can do this for the rest of his life 😢😢

You can get him support now. This is when it starts to get a bit better, honestly.

Will you apply for an ECHP?

Thing is, people have been treating him as if it's autism for months and he has an EHCP and what little support that is available but nothing has really helped. So I shouldn't really feel like this diagnosis is anything new but I'm really struggling. It's daft really.

It’s just really real when its confirmed, somehow. I remember having a couple of sad days when DS was diagnosed but id been pragmatic before and went back to pragmatism afterwards. Hopefully youll get the same.

Does he know and understand his diagnosis?

Why is he not in school,? Will he be going back?

Not daft at all.

Regarding education, what is it that you think he needs?

Am sure you have done this already but has your local branch of the Autistic Trust helped? See NAS on Google. Would it helped to talk to other parents in the same situation or not? Is your local SEN team guiding you. You know it isn't an easy path now but there are agencies and charities out there that understand your son and might give you support. Yes cry. It is that hard. But then smile. He sounds amazing. You will be there for him and you need people there for you too.x

He's not in school because of endless reduced timetables and fixed term exclusions. He's getting medically signed off now. Huge anxiety

Long term education - no idea. Professionals can't agree, very limited provision for children who struggle with the environment but are very academically able.

Drycleanonly - yes we definitely do need people for us. Most people have run a mile or those that have stuck around know nothing of autism and just ask us incredulously 'why isn't he in school?!?!?'

Tricky.
Agree that it hits hard after you actually get the diagnosis. It did me.
Little support available when they are bright. This is true.

AIBU is not the best place for you.
Re-post in SN and let the Very knowledgeable posters help you.

It might be time to start looking at specialist private schools. Then go to tribunal if necessary to get it funded. The LA is under a legal obligation to cater to his educational needs.

Have a week off first to absorb the news though

I'm Autistic as is my 2 daughters, EHCP is a great support to start things rolling, you need to keep on at LEA about finding a school for him or a tutor, on Facebook there is a fabulous group called "Educational Equality" specially trained people there to help x

just ask us incredulously 'why isn't he in schoo
Appologies op I was just curious as I assumed more was put in place at schools for children with autism or anything as such. It's a shame that there isn't anything to help him and keep him happy at his current school.

Oddly, having it confirmed still needs processing even if you knew all along and even if you have been fighting for a diagnosis/support. I think you sound like you are experiencing a mix of processing and worrying about the future for him.

If it helps, being diagnosed, for my son, meant he got loads of support but I think it does really depend on the school. It also meant they stopped treating his difficulties as behavioural issues and started treating him as if he had a disability. I did have to keep advocating for him though to get him the right support and make sure he was treated the same by everyone.

What worked for my son (who was 13 when diagnosed) was having a time out card so he could leave the classroom and go to a quiet learning support room at any time if he was not coping, a 121 TA to help him manage his timetable/homework/life!!!, time to do homework in school time (he dropped one subject in yr10 and took "learning support"), social skills groups, extra time for exams, using a keyboard to type everything incl in class. I found I had to find out about possible things that might help and suggest these to the school initially. Luckily the school had a ASC TA who took him under her wing from yr 10 who was amazing and I could take a step back as she just knew what to do. I understand sadly that a lot if these condition-specific TAs have now gone.

We went from.a child with no friends though and on the route to being expelled to a child with loads of friends who did really well in his GCSEs and now lives independently at uni with a large group of friends and has had a few girlfriends!

I know support isn't great at the moment but I think if you push (stay calm is my best tip!), the jaw is still on your side and you can get the support he needs. The school my son was at didn't support everyone as well as they did him. I think you need to be on it, push but try not to be emotional. (Try to approach it like a job and cry when you get home if you need to!), and the support will go to the parents who are writing to and up the school every 5 minutes. You need to make a butbif a n

Oops!...

A bit of a nuisance if yourself.

Good luck.

It may be worth considering applying for DLA for him, OP.

If he needs a lot more support/care/supervision than the average 8 year old (and it sounds like he does, given the school's inability to meet his needs), he should qualify.

The ASD charities often have people who are trained and experienced in helping parents complete the forms. If you get tax credits or housing benefit, these could go up, and you might be quite a bit better off.