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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she seeks out these stories

14 replies

CoughLaughFart · 05/12/2018 00:09

I have a friend on FB who I added years back after we met at my best friend’s birthday party. She seemed, and still seems, a lovely woman.

However, I find she obsessively shares and becomes very upset about obscure child abuse stories. Of course I find child abuse very upsetting - who wouldn’t? However, I’ve noticed she seems to seek it out. There is no way some of the news articles she shares came to her attention by accident. How would a woman who lives in the Midlands discover a case of child abuse in Newcastle or Truro that hadn’t been reported nationally? I can understand seeing an article and being upset by its content - but I can’t believe she just ‘happens’ to find several of these each week. Why does she seek out these upsetting stories? And when she finds them, why does she feel the new to tell the world how sickening she finds it? Is she worried that people on her friends list approve of child abuse and would be enjoying it if she didn’t speak up?

I can’t help thinking she’s professionally disgusted, and that most people, while naturally horrified by such stories, don’t deliberately seek them out.

OP posts:

ILoveDolly · 05/12/2018 00:11

Personally , I would unfriend her. It seems unnecessary and a bit odd to keep sharing such stories

recklessruby · 05/12/2018 00:13

Yeah I d unfriend her too. These stories really upset me.

DDIJ · 05/12/2018 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SneakyGremlinsBrokeTheSleigh · 05/12/2018 00:13

Can't you just unfriend her?

Original poster

CoughLaughFart · 05/12/2018 00:17

Can't you just unfriend her?

Yes, I could - I just find the psychology of it quite interesting. Is she virtue signalling; trying to demonstrate how lovely she is through her disgust at such actions? Or is there something morbid in her obsession with this behaviour?

OP posts:

CollyWombles · 05/12/2018 00:34

I went through a phase of reading a lot of the biographies that came out about true horrible childhoods etc. I had abuse in my childhood and I think I read these books because ultimately they mostly ended on a positive note, survivors rather than victims as such. Reading other people's stories helped me in a way, to realise that I wasn't to blame as a kid and i didn't deserve what happened.

I know it's not the same thing as what your friend is doing, but is there any chance she is a victim of abuse? If so it could be her way of raising awareness of it as such?

Weezol · 05/12/2018 00:37

It's misery tourism, akin to concern trolling. Don't feed it - unfriend!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee · 05/12/2018 00:50

If you can’t I friend or block her then at least hide her posts.

HestiaParthenos · 05/12/2018 00:55

She could just be someone who is a bit obsessive about things?

I have autistic tendencies and usually research a topic until I am sure I know everything there is to know about it (that I can learn without being a scientist). Sometimes it is things I like, sometimes it is things that make me angry.
Could it be just that?

If she doesn't show any other signs of annoying virtue signalling, just tell her those stories upset you and you don't want to hear about them, and wait for her to find something new to obsess over.

If she's like me, you have a decent chance her newest obsession will be tulip varietes or something harmless like that.

Kissel · 05/12/2018 00:58

Hestia- that is so interesting, I have never heard of that before!

NameChange457 · 05/12/2018 00:59

My guess was the same as CollyWombles - that she has been personally affected in some way by child abuse (whether she herself was a victim or a close relative - child/sibling was)

You don’t actually know she hasn’t stumbled across them by accident, perhaps she’s come across the articles in the same way you have - someone else she knows on Facebook is sharing them, she’s just then passed them on whereas you read it and talk about it on mn the chain ends with you. She could be a member of a group if she has been personally affected. Or maybe she spends time googling child abuse to find support and the first results are always the most recent news results about child abuse.

jessstan2 · 05/12/2018 01:01

There are people who seem to glory in sharing such stories, also they home in on any scandalous stories.

It makes me wonder about the contents of their minds. If I thought about things like that all the time I would be a permanent state of horror, never mind my dreams.

Either explain to her that it really is not the thing to do and it can trigger horrible thoughts in some people or unfriend her.

abacucat · 05/12/2018 01:06

I would assume as well she has been personally affected by child abuse as well. It is not uncommon to get a bit obsessive about issues that have personally affected us negatively.

ThistleAmore · 05/12/2018 01:16

I had an acquaintance that I had friended on FB because we shared a common hobby, who repeatedly posted stories of very severe and graphic animal abuse.

Several people closer to them than I was asked them to stop, but it made no difference. In the end, I unfriended them.

I unfriended, rather than blocked, because not only did I not want to see such vile stories pop up without warning, but I was also slightly worried about their agenda, TBH, especially when people had asked them to stop.

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