Why can't I get over him?

[6079SmithW]

My relationship broke down in early November and I ended it.
I was in love with my bf and wanted to be with him for the long term. However it was a very unhealthy relationship (verbal/emotional abuse) and I understand that I had to end for my own wellbeing and happiness (and that of my children too who saw my bf on occasion).
Nearly a month on I am still crying every day/night. Checking his social media. Longing for him to contact me. I know that even if I did speak with him no good would come of it. He is not going to change. I can't love him enough for the two of us.
AIBU to ask why I just can't get over him? My friends and family are angry and relieved. I think they want me to feel the same, but I just feel sad, lonely and desperate for his love. I've been through break ups before but I don't remember feeling like this.
Has anyone else had this experience? What can I do? Why can't I get over him?

It's still early days. You have to distract yourself, think of other things, keep busy. If you catch yourself thinking about him, force yourself to think of something else.

It is early days. It will hurt BUT you know you are doing the right thing. Remember that he abused you and that your children saw things they shouldn't. Keep that thought every time you go to check on him. Be strong and be brave. You have done the most difficult bit and should be proud of yourself.
For me it was baby steps but make sure you do something lovely every day - whether a walk with your kids or a candle lit bath.
Take care OP - you can do this

I am the exact same mine was also abusive at times. I believe mine had some kind of personality disorder. I looked up trauma bonding and I think that is why I feel the way I do. I know he won't change but part of me thinks what if. If he pops in your thoughts try and think of something else or do something 2 take your mind of it. It is a long process and I'm nowhere near where I need 2 be, baby steps and it will become easier I promise x

You're mourning, grieving for what you thought you could have, it's perfectly normal and I went through the same. Mine was an abusive / violent / alcoholic relationship and I still felt like the biggest bitch in the world for ending it. I grieved for what I had 'lost', even though it was 100% the best thing for me to have done

Its early days OP, you will feel better but more than that - you've done the right thing for you and your children, they and you deserve more than abuse

As they say: chin up, tits out, onwards

I know exactly how you feel - i finished with my ex because the relationship was not good for me and ultimately the situation started affecting my kids. It was unbearably hard and i was heartbroken for ages - best part of a year to be honest. I've now found the man who makes everything make sense - time is truly the greatest healer , things will improve i promise

I just feel sad, lonely and desperate for his love

No, just love

Stay strong

It's still early days, as everyone has said.
But... you need to cut him off totally.
Block him on all social media.
Stop looking at it all.
Block on all contact apps as well so you won't be 'waiting' for contact from him.
Keep busy.
This was an abusive relationship so please get some counselling.
Or look at doing the Freedom Programme.
It might, or might not, help you if you read Lundy Bancroft book - Why does he do that?
Counselling!

Because people who treat you like shit get you hooked by making you feel desperately grateful for any crumb of kindness they throw your way. Abusers, FWBs, cheaters, it all works the same way, they're like a drug.

As they say: chin up, tits out, onwards
Really made me laugh - thanks for that

@hellsbellsmelons thanks for the book recommendation. I'll look into that

Thank you all for being so kind. Knowing that other people have felt the same (and it's not just me being pathetic) is a great comfort