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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DS sleeping from 4pm-10pm every day?

26 replies

oliverandmacy · 04/12/2018 22:38

DS is currently at university, this is really big for him and I appreciate it's important.

I get home at a similar time and just don't see him, he goes to sleep, then I see him from about 10-11 and then I go to sleep and he starts to study. He says he studies much better at night time.

He had a spell of depression which is why he is at our home town university. Part of me then wants to leave him to do what he is happy but I'm concerned doing that will make him worse?

I'm not sure, don't like it. AIBU?

OP posts:
AleFailTrail · 04/12/2018 22:40

I’m a night owl. It could be worth researching owl/lark theory. Some people do genuinely function better in the evening/at night whilst others thrive in the morning. I know I work best in the evening and am at my most alert around ten. Never been able to get to sleep before 1am unless falling over with exhaustion.

jessstan2 · 04/12/2018 22:43

My son is like that, he is older than yours and has his own place but he does some work from home and tends to work through the night then sleep in the day. When he has to go out or away for work he gets into a different groove.

If it works for your son, why worry?

I can assure you it isn't uncommon.

ButFirstTea · 04/12/2018 22:43

When I was doing my masters I did my best writing from midnight - 2am and also from about 7am to 10am so for a couple of months I changed my schedule and just went with what worked. If it's working for him I wouldn't be too concerned.

Aroundtheworldandback · 04/12/2018 22:48

I’m sure this is not unusual with uni kids. The difference is that he’s at home for you to see it. If he’s studying I don’t think you can say much, although it would annoy me too to be honest.

housewifeoflittleitaly · 04/12/2018 22:50

I don’t see the issue. What if he worked nights? Same thing surely.

Lazypuppy · 04/12/2018 22:51

Same for me. 4-10 i could never get any work done used to work till 2am then go to sleep

cheesemongery · 04/12/2018 23:09

Assuming he is 18 or older then you need to leave him to it, he is an adult.

My son has just turned 21 and moved back home - he rocked home at 8.30 in the morning, told me his phone had died and asked did I try and text him - I actually felt a bit bad for saying no Grin

It's odd living with adult children, but let him get on with it esp as he is living at home which can't be easy as a student.

TheSheepofWallSt · 04/12/2018 23:09

I was the same as a student, and as an adult, remain most productive 10am- 1pm, then 6pm - 1am.
I work normal office hours all day (creative role), and absolutely don't skive, but due to the pressures of my role, often pick up work at home in the evenings - and my best work is undoubtedly done once my son is in bed 8pm - 1am

Member745520 · 04/12/2018 23:11

These days I'm definitely a lark but when I was a student I found studying after midnight far more effective as everything was so quiet and I could totally focus... and I think it suited my introvert nature.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 04/12/2018 23:12

I can only produce something decent if I work through the night with a deadline looming that day otherwise I write a pile of rubbish.
Some people are like that, my brain doesn't function in the mornings.

Pitapotamus · 04/12/2018 23:13

My energy levels take a major dive at around 4pm every day. If I could have a nap 4pm till probably 7pm every day that would really suit me. Sadly I can’t so I just power through but I’m less productive and quite grumpy!

We are all different and it sound like he’s found a working pattern that suits him...

Purpleartichoke · 04/12/2018 23:15

If he were in housing you just wouldn’t see it. As long as he is attending his classes and earning decent marks, I think this is one of those things you need to let go.

StillMedusa · 04/12/2018 23:15

I've been like that all my life.. I'm brain dead in the mornings, stagger through the day, and am then wide awake at night, always have been!
DD2 is the same... she is a nurse, and when she finishes earlies, (gets home at 4pm) she goes to bed for a few hours and then is up again!

As long as he is managing his work I wouldn't worry!

FourRustedHorses · 04/12/2018 23:17

YABU back when I was at uni I would come home from lectures between 4-5pm sleep for a couple of hours until 8-9pm sometimes longer. Id get up, eat work for a good couple of hours really well then sleep for another 4/5 hours and get up around 6am.

The sleep schedule I had was amazing for my productivity!

if he is doing the work, getting the grades then let him crack on.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 04/12/2018 23:17

Agree with PP about night owl etc.

It’s positive that he seems to have got himself into a routine which works and sticks to it- he’s not just randomly taking naps, waking up at 11pm and then playing Call of Duty until 6am.

FascinatingCarrot · 04/12/2018 23:21

Let him sleep. It doesnt matter if its on your clock. He's finding his own routine that works for him. If he doesnt stay then fair enough but at least he's tried.

recklessruby · 04/12/2018 23:22

I love the night and am most creative during it (writing and painting) but during school terms I have to keep regular hours and I m rubbish in the morning without coffee.
Your son is a night owl. He can't help it.

AutumnEvenings · 04/12/2018 23:23

Many people work nights for years with few ill-effects. I did this because it meant I could spend more time with the kids and pay much less for childcare at a time when money was very tight. My DH used to get really irritated with me because I needed to catch up with sleep on days off. He got to bed every single night of the week, so it was obvious his body clock meant sleeping during the day was not needed.

As others have said many uni students suit themselves and their parents have no idea what goes on. So long as he can get up for lectures early when he has to and is doing well, it isn't necessarily a problem. If he keeps you awake at night, then it may be time to discuss the effects on other family members.

My DS was a bit like this when he came home for his last year of uni.
This was partly because he could no longer afford to live away from home, but also because student life was interfering with his ability to study. Now he has a day job he loves, he is up with the larks and working very long hours.

Avrannakern · 04/12/2018 23:24

I did this. I've turned out fine!
He'll change and settle into patterns that suit, and he'll know how it's working from his results.

HoobaHooba · 04/12/2018 23:30

I remember thisnwith my DD. We all used to come in to the house at around 530/6pm, she would go off to her room and sleep until 10pm with the excuse that she worked better at night.
Leaving me with all the bloody jobs to do as dh worked until about 7/730. I’d make dinner, clear up, iron, housework etc. After a day of work from 745am.
Used to drive me mad. We all had work to do (dd less than anyone else) and sh would effectively avoid it. She didn’t work better at night, she just cba to do anything.
When you get a job you can’t tell your employer you work better at certain times of the day, you have to get on with it when they say you have to work.

CardsforKittens · 04/12/2018 23:32

If he's passing it's working.
Weird but effective for some people.

KandoKat · 04/12/2018 23:36

I'm a night owl and studied through the night when I was a student. Leave him to it.

BanjoStarz · 04/12/2018 23:39

Hmmm, I’m going to go agains prior posters here and say that I would be concerned also.

The only time I had such a disconnect with “normal” working hours was when I was depressed during my second year at uni.

I appreciate many people work nights and also work better in the evenings but I’m not sure a voluntary daily routine like this is good for him.

However, I’d probably just monitor it - what is he like at the weekend?

See how he goes over Xmas hols when there are more things happening during the day that maybe mean a 6-10pm nap is less convenient?

mrwalkensir · 04/12/2018 23:40

Not that she sleeps those hours, but DD has been working on dissertation etc (getting up middayish) for the past few months working maybe midnight til 4am. I’m a night owl too, so get that she’s v focused then. She’s able to do normal hours when she has to. On the other hand, with depression and SAD, may be worth getting him a daylight lamp so that he’s (at least) waking middday or just after? Is he going to lectures and having an evening nap (ok) or getting majorly out of sync?

avocadosuite · 04/12/2018 23:40

If his mental health declines or he’s not eating properly or not socialising these would be red flags for me and I would try and change it. If it’s disrupting your schedule then I would have a chat with him about how it’s impacting on you negatively.
If none of the above apply then I guess it’s fine.

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