Basically I've always felt that there is something "not quite right" about me. I'm 40 now and have always felt like this - and I'm having a "It's about time I sorted myself out" moment! I've been trying to self-diagnose and I think I have quite a lot of ADHD tendencies and also a lot of Aspergers also rings true but I don't think enough of either to be one or the other!
I shall try to sort the main "wrong" bits of me into bullet points.
*I have meltdowns. When everything gets too much. Lately I've been able to control this to some extent but it still happens, and at best I'll storm off or run away, at worst I'll break something or hurt myself.
*I have terrible self esteem. Probably illustrated by this post saying there's something wrong with me! I suspect I have body dysmorphia, eating disorders (which were pretty bad as a teenager but never had treatment, I sometimes slip back into it but try to keep it in check). I regularly beat myself up mentally for not making more of my life.
- I can't stick at anything. I get really excited about starting new things then lose all motivation. I am also an expert procrastinator!
*I am in shitloads of debt due to impulsive shopping/loan applications etc. I have just got a massive loan so all my debts are in one place and seriously need to stop this.
*I'm happiest when I'm daydreaming and lost in stories in my head. I have an ongoing story that I always return to - I have read on here before that this is called "maladaptive daydreaming" and I've been back into it a lot recently!
*I can't concentrate on anything. I zone out when people are speaking to me. It's easier to focus if I'm doodling or fidgeting with something.
*I've always struggled to make friends. I never fit in at secondary school - I was intelligent, but felt "younger" emotionally somehow, less mature. Still feel that way a lot! I do have a couple of good friends now though, ones I met around age 20.
*I can't stop being late for work. I've been in trouble for it in more than one job - including my current one. I try my best to sort this out and still find myself getting distracted and losing track of time! Employers HAVE been understanding surprisingly - one moved my shifts to quarter of an hour later! I still ended up having a last minute rush to make it - it's like a sort of mental block that I can't stop no matter how much I try and how much I want to!
*I have a really weird phobia of buttons. I can't even look at them. I feel like I have to wash my hands just because I typed the word then. I certainly have to wash my hands if I end up touching the fuckers! It's like I think they're slimey or something even though my rational brain knows this is not the case!
There's probably more, but I'm weird aren't I?! How do I go about getting help? Do I need a referral to a psychiatrist or any sort of particular specialist? Or is this just life and I need to just deal with it? I'm going to the GP anyway, I did manage to splutter out recently that I'm struggling to cope with life in general and managed to get some antidepressants which I actually think are helping so I need to go back and get some more - and now the doctor knows I'm a bit mental I'm thinking it might be easier to discuss the rest? 