To keep trying to maintain contact with someone who I think is trying to goust me?

[Medwaymumoffour]

Not sure if I’m being a stalker. I don’t know why I struggle with this as my gut says this person wants to cut ties but for some reason I want too keep in contact.

Backstory is we was friends when kids was young but friend very suddenly backed off our friendship when it was apparent our toddlers was destined for different paths. That was more than a year ago. We bump into each other now and again and chat, I occasionally contact her on WhatsApp and she reads them but always replies at least 24 hours later, sometimes a week later despite reading them and being on and off WhatsApp every day.
I know she isnt keen to stay in touch so why do I keep trying to stay in contact? I’m not even contacting her even every month.
I don’t know why I still try as I havehad friends turn out to be just friends of convience ( to them, I don’t approach friendships this way) and I get over it pretty soon after they dump me. However this time it’s really playing on my mind as I keep thinking wtf did I do wrong? We was close. Then bang, like a cliff she moved on.
Do you think I would be childish to block her so I can stop myself from trying to raise our friendship from the grave 😅 I hate people doing this and only making friends with other parents as they just need to compartmentalise their social life neatly with their child’s social life. They should do a disclaimer up front so you can enjoy the moment while it lasts while not developing any meaningful feelings or oversharing. I feel like i loved this friend but it was all faked and I hate myself for feeling like this.
It’s the first time ever I have been gousted and it’s just the most hurtful shit thing ever. I need to get over it. Virtual slaps welcome ( it’s mumsnet so I expect harsh) make me see what a saddo I am so I can compartmentalise this into past please

Fuck that social climbing bitch right off... Trust me. Will only get worse and you will feel like shit and for what.... no you carry on being you and nip this shit in the bud now... block and delete..... I promise you....

It’s ‘ghosting’.

Sorry for my spelling I’m dyselexic, I hope you could get the gist without the proper spelling 😜. I have a biology degree and sometime toy with the idea of doing my pgce to teach science in secondary but this a good reminder why I shouldn’t. Or should not maybe?

THanks user, I need to hear that. I think I will leave it a few more days then block her. If I bump into her ( I won’t, she’s moved, I can just say I got a new phone if she asks, she’s won’t) see I’m still being pathetic thinking I will hurt her feelings. I need to practise being a nasty bitch.

I think blocking her is a good idea for your own sanity.

I also think posting only to correct spelling is a dick move and such people should give their head a wobble.

I must admit, Medway, that I thought gousting was a new trendy term i just wasn’t aware of.
I’m not down with the kids, bless my cotton socks. 😉

Ouch! 😂

Her friendship with you wasn’t necessarily fake.

She wasn’t necessarily just being friends because you fit into her son’s social life.

But not all friendships are designed to last for ever. Some are just for a season.

She might have all sorts of legitimate reasons not to friends with you any longer which have nothing to do with the children.

No harsh comments from me because I totally understand. I’ve been the recipient of this type of treatment too. As soon as the kids aren’t friends bam no more close friendship. I don’t get how people can switch on and off like that either and it’s not fair. All that time and energy could have been put into other friendships. It really makes me distrust women to be honest. My advice is to do what I did. Block on everything including Facebook. Total erase. It still hurts but makes it easier rather than chasing and being ignored

When I saw this title I genuinely thought this was about me!
I'm currently ghosting someone who will not let our friendship die. I know, I know, I sound like a bitch BUT I don't want her in my life and I don't want her around my son. There was a long back story but she did something incredibly creepy last year (I posted about it on here but have NC since then), I then met up with her after that and she pushed the issue even further and when I didn't agree, she spent the night talking about her, never once asked how DS or I was, and dragged me into her place of work where she then voluntarily jumped behind the bar and got involved in non-existant work drama, leaving me by myself for close to 2 hours (I just left in the end). Since then I've weaned off speaking to her and socialising. I always say hi when I see her but I don't want to resurrect the friendship. She texts me, without fail, once a month. Her wife text me saying how much I had upset them both and how horrible I was, claiming that they had done nothing wrong and I was apparently psycho. Clearly they still don't see the issue with the creepy incident even though I told them my problem but I should just brush this under the carpet.

Some friendships are way too much work for not enough reward (I say that in the nicest way I know how).

I agree she's not necessarily some 'social climbing bitch' and it's very normal to make friends through kids during the lonesome times with little ones when the topics of conversation would be boring to anyone else, but as that phase wears off some find they don't have anything else in common other that having kids and life can genuinely get busy so these kinds of relationships fade. What she's doing is less unusual than the compulsion you talk about to keep contacting her when you're clear what she's doing. Do delete her number if it helps as it sounds like it's more your own unfounded devotion to her that'll wear away your self-esteem than her treatment of you, although obviously that was the spur. Let her go and focus on your longer term relationships.

Friendships come and go. Some last a lifetime whereas others are brief affairs that run their course and then expire.
I’m much older than you (I imagine) and have had s mix of friendships over the years, some ran their course and then naturally faded away, others have stood the test of time whilst some faded away but more recently have been rekindled.

Don’t see it as a personal thing that your friend has moved on or think that it was a bad friendship just because it didn’t last. It’s the nature of friendships.

Maybe it really isn't meant personally. I get stressed out by "small talk" Whatsapp messages because I simply don't have the time to keep on chatting. I have a few lovely friends (also from childhood) who send a lot of "Hey how are you? We have to catch up!" type of stuff, but the truth is in between work, husband, family and baby commitments, there simply isn't enough time. What precious free time I have, I need to be alone and just unwind or catch up on chores around the house.

I would go for blocking her. It's really hurtful to be dropped like that and worrying about it and overthinking it isn't helping.

Thanks for all of the replies. It’s helpful to get a balanced view. I don’t drink (much) or do drama ( four kids so I’m mostly firefighting at home trying to tick over). I don’t think I have done anything shameful like get smashed and started a fight but conversely I might be just boring her to death 🤪

I want to be positive and think it was fun while it lasted, but it’s over now. For whatever reason she can end things her end but also I have the right to think it’s not great just ignoring people so I can’t see us clicking again a few years down the line. I will move on and note this to experience.

It’s more healthy this way as I’m more comfortable with my longer term friendships, I hate second guessing what’s going on, feeling uncomfortable so therefore what use is a friendship that makes you second guess and feel uncomfortable?

I have deleted our chat thread and talked to my other friends so her profile is near the bottom of the page. I will retain some dignity and save her from my company. I hope. If I get tempted to wonder what she up to in a couple of months I will block.

Off now for dinner with school mums so I must learn from this somehow and hold back. I want to enjoy company expecting nothing long term to develope but it’s hard. Everyone wants more proper friends. I think 🤔 maybe that’s where I go wrong.