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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

16 yr old party and alcohol.

22 replies

WWlOOlWW · 04/12/2018 19:44

I was just reading the thread about a 16 year being left at home with her boyfriend while the mum stayed at her new boyfriends.

As always MN was split into two camps; that's fine they could leave home at 16 and no, it's wrong and irresponsible.

Which leads me to my question. My 16 yr old has asked if they can have a New Years Eve 'party' with 5 friends at home. I have no problem with this but they would like me to buy them a small amount of alcohol.

For context my DC has never had any more than one glass of wine with food (about 3 times). DC's friends are good kids, don't smoke weed, are not out drinking.

I would be at home. They would all be sleeping over.

I don't know the parents. I'd be happier if each parent agreed to a small amount of alcohol but DC doesn't want me speaking to the parents and I don't blame DC.

What to do ?

OP posts:

Huntawaymama · 04/12/2018 19:45

If you want to give alcohol you need to ask the other parents. I'd be upset if my daughter had been drinking and I didn't know about it. Tbh if I was to give my child alcohol under 18 I'd want to supervise her myself

JustABetterPlayer · 04/12/2018 19:46

A small amount of alcohol is fine. If you leave them thinking they’ll have to provide their own on the sly some bright spark is going to bring a bottle of vodka from daddys liquor cabinet 😄

user139328237 · 04/12/2018 19:47

I think it's fine as long as it is actually a small amount and you can trust her friends not to bring their own alcohol.

GreenTulips · 04/12/2018 19:47

My daughter had a similar party recently

No problems and quite a chilled night. They were no bothers and alcohol was limited

Original poster

WWlOOlWW · 04/12/2018 20:02

@Huntawaymuma my worry is that half these friends have older siblings and could get hold of alcohol. Least if I say I will provide a small amount they won't rock up to mine with bottles hidden.

OP posts:

Aftershock15 · 04/12/2018 20:27

I think you need to contact the parents and explain your plan. Compose an email, and get your daughter to ask her friends to pass it on to their parents. Then they can contact you and give you phone numbers. You would be foolish to have teens at your house drinking with no contact details for parents. You just explain the alcohol you will provide but say that no one is to bring their own and that you will remove alcohol/call parents to collect as you see fit. If your daughter and her friends are similar it really won’t cause her any great grief. Certainly my ds has been to partys where this sort of email is sent and they all just accept it. Once the first person has done it, the other parents often follow suit I think.

MissionItsPossible · 04/12/2018 20:31

Whilst DC don’t want you speaking to their friends parents and you don’t blame them (I don’t either, really) you have got to inform them if you are going to supply alcohol to underage people.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/12/2018 20:37

I think that it is probably ok but you absolutely have to communicate with parents to check they are in agreement beforehand. Either your dd gets some contact details or the plan is off, I would say.

LemonMousse · 04/12/2018 20:38

If they're all staying over but your DD doesn't want you to speak to their parents it suggests to me that they're maybe not telling the parents the whole truth about where they're staying.
Don't get me wrong - I've allowed my teens to have friends over with monitored amounts of alcohol but the parents have all been in agreement.

somewhereovertherain · 04/12/2018 20:42

We’re doing similar we have no issue with our DD having a couple and have spoken to the other parents who are all happy.

We’d rather supply it and Be in more controls Than various Kids bringing who knows what.

Sunisshining5346 · 04/12/2018 20:46

If you buy it, they will drink yours and then bring out their hidden stash 😂

When I was 16, my mother would allow my friends and I were a few WKDS on a sleepover.

On my 16th birthday we had what we thought was vodka jelly shots.
All rolling around laughing, joking, being very drunk, hungover the next day...
I didn't find out until years later she had put no bloody alcohol in!

Do something like this..you get the biggest laugh, watching them pretend they are tipsy, when they are just having vimto 😂

defectiveinspector · 04/12/2018 20:46

Believe me someone will bring a bottle of vodka! Strip search them all

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 04/12/2018 20:47

I'd be fine with that personally. A few friends and a small amount of alcohol while you're there sounds very safe. I don't think there's any reason to suspect the other DC are lying to their parents. Of all the things a group of teenagers could be doing on new years - a small amount of alcohol at a friend's house with a parent present is hardly something worth concealing!

Original poster

WWlOOlWW · 04/12/2018 20:49

I've seen the messages between DC and friends. Two of them live on our road. I trust that they haven't lied to thier parents.

Tbh because none of them have ever been 'pissed' I was only thinking of buying 3 units of alcohol each.

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/12/2018 20:50

I have done -
I get the parents consent
Make sure they eat before
Supply water (and make sure they drink it)
Make sure they don't mix drinks
No straight spirits

And search the blighters

GreenTulips · 04/12/2018 20:55

Sorry forgot to add

I supplied pizza crisps chocolate popcorn dips etc so they had lots of food to snack on ...

Original poster

WWlOOlWW · 04/12/2018 21:03

I shall get in pizza, snacks and lots of water !!

Still unsure about speaking to the parents though.

I know this is going to sound really naive but I really trust my DC (I'm not naive and have worked with teenagers in care for 20 years and know every trick in the book). My older DC - nope but the younger one is very trustworthy and open.

OP posts:

VioletCharlotte · 04/12/2018 21:09

Some alcohol is normal at parties for 16 year olds. Both my DS went to loads of parties at 16 where there was alcohol. I've never once been contacted by a parent! I think you'd have to be a pretty naive parent to believe your 16 year old was going to a New Year's Eve party and wouldn't be drinking!

showmeshoyu · 04/12/2018 21:17

You can legally buy alcohol with a meal at 16, so why not?

Stompythedinosaur · 04/12/2018 21:27

I think supplying alcohol to 16yos without checking with their parents would be a really bad idea.

Bobbybobbins · 04/12/2018 21:35

You must contact the parents OP - I'm sure they will all be fine with it but some might be really cross if you provide alcohol for their underage children without their knowledge.

GreenTulips · 04/12/2018 21:48

You can legally allow children to drink alcohol at home - if you look at the law it isn't clear that it must be the child's home -

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