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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Trumpet lesson

30 replies

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 19:05

Hi everyone I’m new and hoping for other people’s opinions

My daughter has 1-1 trumpet lessons in school and today she didn’t have one. I texted the teacher to ask why and she said that she tried to see DD in 3 different occasions.

First time was break so DD didn’t want to go, 2nd and 3rd time she wasn’t allowed out of her class as she hadn’t finished her work. Teacher finished text by saying she was in school tomorrow so could try and squeeze her lesson in then.

I texted back saying OK but I didn’t think this was ‘ideal’ (as she has piano and PE tomorrow but didn’t say that in the text).

Teacher then responds but saying or we can just skip this week and do next week if you’re not happy with that! Got the distinct impression I had somehow upset her or pissed her off.

Have I done something wrong? Really don’t know if IABU? It’s not my DD’s fault if she wasn’t allowed to go to her music lesson was it?

OP posts:

SmilingButClueless · 04/12/2018 19:08

I think the trumpet teacher has actually been quite accommodating here in trying to rearrange three times in one day. Your daughter should have gone to the lesson the first time, if she doesn’t want to miss break then she clearly doesn’t value the lesson much.

EmUntitled · 04/12/2018 19:10

Its not the trumpet teachers fault either. She has all the students to fit in and if your daughter doesn't arrive its not like she can fill her space with another student at such short notice. She has already rearranged 3 times.
Really it is your DDs fault for not going to the breaktime lesson. Do you pay for the lessons she doesn't go to?

The only person who you could potentially be cross with is the class teacher who wouldn't let your DD leave their lesson to go to music. However as an ex-teacher I can sort of see their POV. It is very annoying when kids miss half a lesson for music and then you have to catch them up.

PatriciaHolm · 04/12/2018 19:11

What is the normal arrangement?

I don't think it's the teachers fault is it.

Original poster

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 19:13

Yeah, I get it’s not trumpet teacher’s fault - DD didn’t want to miss her break though.

I hope I don’t get charged for any missed lessons in these circumstances as they’re expensive!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 04/12/2018 19:14

If I've read it right, it was your dd who wouldn't go to her lesson in the first place ?

I'm amazed that the teacher then was so kind as to try to fit her in later, let alone tomorrow.
Generally peripatetic teachers have a full timetable and it is down to the pupil to go at their lesson time. The teacher isn't just sitting around all day waiting for your dd.

How old is your dd ?

honeysucklejasmine · 04/12/2018 19:17

I expect you will be charged and so you should. The teacher was in school, ready, waiting, and even went to find her.

Your DD was VU.

gamerwidow · 04/12/2018 19:17

My DD has 'missed' her lesson the last 3 times at school because it is at lunchtime and she said she forgot. If she misses it again I will be cancelling the lessons and she will have to send her trumpet back
It is entirely DDs fault this has happened and has nothing to do with the teacher who is there but DD just hasn't attended.
You are completely unreasonable to blame the teacher. If the lesson is in her break time then that's tough luck.

Becca19962014 · 04/12/2018 19:18

It's difficult, because the first was during break and the other teachers could take a dim view of that, like she wasn't willing to give up her time but was willing to miss class and hadn't completed work.

It happens that sometime music lessons happen over break in some way. When I was at school they often either meant missing break or part of lunch because there were only six slots for lessons so I'd miss break or part of lunch every couple of weeks. More if others swapped, sometimes if I missed the same lesson frequently (again if others swapped mine for theirs) then I'd not be allowed to go. I should point out this was many, many years ago when many families didn't even have landlines and lessons were on a board and very easy to change!

Is this something she's keen to do? Perhaps the teacher is wondering if she's serious about learning or not? When I played the majority of people dropped out. I think only two of us were still having lessons in the final year.

Alternatively the teacher is feeling rather fed up, it sounds like they've been messed around today by others as well. Perhaps let her have a think about why she's learning and if she's willing to put in the time to practice as well as lose break every now and then, and yes I remember how hard it was to miss time with friends!

Becca19962014 · 04/12/2018 19:19

X-post (with everyone!) you are very likely to be charged for the missed lesson so be prepared for that.

domton · 04/12/2018 19:20

I would have charged your when I was peri-ing I'm afraid, and I'd have text you saying your daughter was unwilling to attend her lesson. That would be one of 3 strikes before she lost her place. Most timetables run over about 3 hours so on that basis and a 20 minute lesson she would miss her break just once a term.

CheerChristmas · 04/12/2018 19:21

Does your child want to continue lessons?

Original poster

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 19:43

Yes DD does want to continue lessons

She's only 7 so teacher does normally find her for her lesson.

I am grateful Trumpet teacher has been accommodating and appreciate her fitting her in tomorrow.

I am not sure who, if anyone is at fault. The school have a policy of not allowing music lessons in the morning as it clashes with literacy and numeracy so this must make her life difficult.

Maybe I'll talk to her class room teacher to see if she will be allowed out in future regardless of whether she has finished her work.

OP posts:

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 04/12/2018 19:47

Gosh im amazed at your trumpet teacher being so accomodating. She would be quite right to be pissed off.

My daughter has a slot in lunch and if she doesnt go would miss the lesson.

Your daughter's teacher shouldn't be chasing your child around. If she's not there it was v kind of her to offer to make up. She wont have been getting paid for those extra opportunities she offered. You're the kind of parent peripatetic teachers despair of!

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 04/12/2018 19:54

Your daughter is at fault for not attending her lesson. You pay regardless of whether she attends . Its that simple, really!!
You can talk to school about timetabling but its certainly not the fault of the trumpet teacher.

I had wondered if it was a reverse...

Original poster

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 19:58

Justkeepswimming

But I never said it was the fault of the trumpet teacher!! - or anyone else for that matter!!

Goodness me, what a complete over reaction to OP, so rude!

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 04/12/2018 20:01

I think if a school has a music programme where lessons are in school hours then the onus is on the school to let the child out of class to attend the lesson.

If they don't want to allow the children to attend lessons, they shouldn't be holding lessons in school hours. It's not as if the teacher just comes into the school without the consent of the principal.

However, in this case, there was an alternative in the form of the breaktime lesson, which complicates things, as she should have attended at that stage.

Original poster

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 20:03

Treacle - yes the school only allow music in the afternoon, but this doesn't suit the trumpet teacher so she arrives earlier in the day and tries to see children in the morning, but then gets a bit miffed when they aren't allowed out

OP posts:

Strongmummy · 04/12/2018 20:05

If your child wants to learn an instrument in school she needs to realise she may miss break. The teacher has been accommodating and has actually lost money because of it. If your daughter wants to continue to learn You need to agree upfront when your child will have lessons and if it’s in break then tough !

treaclesoda · 04/12/2018 20:06

It sounds like the principal and the trumpet teacher need to sit down and make arrangements that actually work. The teacher turning up at a time that doesn't suit the school, or the school not accommodating the schedule that suits the teacher (depending on what way you look at it) is a bit of a disaster.

Original poster

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 20:07

No the teacher hasn't lost money - she will claim for the lesson, so happens she can fit DD in tomorrow, but if not I would still pay

OP posts:

Original poster

Palfrey1 · 04/12/2018 20:08

treacle - yes I agree but from what I have heard on the grapevine, neither are prepared to budge. I think it's only a matter of time before the head doesn't let her in before lunch!

OP posts:

Strongmummy · 04/12/2018 20:22

@palfrey - apologies I’d misunderstood. I’d be looking for another trumpet teacher

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 04/12/2018 20:25

It really isnt a rude reaction. You will have really pissed her off and you asked in your OP why that was.

Its just incredible to think your child didn't go to a lesson, the teacher's tried to accomodate her and you've then said no again as you dont want her to miss pe. And you think its reasonable.

The teachers lost money in that shes lost the time shes spent 3 times over that day.

Becca19962014 · 04/12/2018 21:14

After reading your updates the school and trumpet teacher need to make arrangements that suit both and don't result in your DD being asked to attend at times she's not allowed to, or they arrange for a replacement who will teach when they need them to. The trumpet teacher shouldn't be turning up early for lessons and then expecting pupils to leave classes when they've been told that's not possible - it's really unfair and will cause conflict for your DD that may mean she gives up.

It's possible that the school are already aware of this issue and the teacher is going to be replaced.

I'd assumed the times she was given were times when the teacher was there and she was allowed to go. This is actually a very different scenario to what I thought it was (not your fault I'd made assumptions!)

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 04/12/2018 21:18

Wasnt breaktime the arranged time she was supposed to be there?

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