to be irritated by this?

[RioRio99]

Friend just had her baby at 38 weeks.

Posting all over social media that her 'poor baby' was born premature. She's cluster feeding because she's premature. She's crying more because she's premature. Etc etc. Posting everything that's wrong with her baby online such as a few spots on her face that look sore, a dry scalp, bruise from the heel prick. All the muppets underneath commenting 'oh you poor think I hope she recovers soon' are just as annoying.

I want to comment 'she wasn't f**king premature!!!'

My daughter was born 16 weeks premature and survived a week. It was devastating and I'm still not healed 6 years on.

As you can tell I'm becoming wound up by said friend. I've muted her posts, I hardly use SM, but still get the running commentary through others.

AIB ridiculous to be irritated by this?

Fucking hell. I was actually giggling at the stupidity of your friend until I saw your update re your daughter.

YANBU and she’s being an attention seeking twat but the best thing you can do is block her. Maybe a quick post to say “congratulations! 38 weeks is term though, who told you the baby was premature? You don’t need to keep worrying about that” beforehand though?

You're not unreasonable she's super insensitive.

I'm also very sorry for your loss xx

comments by people a) who have never had dc, b) giving the usual you okay hun or c) being a bit dim. is it your friends first child ? my first was born at 28 i think that might have been prem but hers thankfully wasn't. what a drama queen ! i think it's a smile and wave situation.

My daughter was also born at 38wks. She wasn’t prem but she did spend ten days between scbu at the hospital she was born at, transferred to another with a nicu then transferred back to scbu. So your friend is bloody lucky she was born healthy.

And FWIW RioRio99‘s friend, by difinition, a premature baby is a baby born before 37 weeks.

💐 for your loss @RioRio99.

for op.

She wasn't premature as, if I recall correctly, anything over 37 weeks is considered to be full-term. However, I do think you are overreacting. Possibly understandably so, given your experience.

Your friend is obviously finding it difficult. If this is how she copes, off with her. Just try and ignore.

Have you had counselling for your loss as, to be honest, I think you are overreacting a little to her posts. And I say that as someone who has had a loss at similar gestation.

I'm with you - would have loved to have carried mine to 38 weeks!

One was almost 5 weeks early, short stay in SCBU and some treatment required, but home a few days before due date, the second arrived even earlier, very poorly, in hospitals for 15 wks, home for a week then passed away.

And I don't even consider these to be 'preemie' as such - there were babies born much earlier and desperately fighting.

@paintinmyhairAgain it is her first child yep.

Thank you @LucieMorningstar x

I think it’s ok to feel irritated. Sorry for your loss

Hi @theymademejoin - I probably am overreacting. So sorry for your loss. I've had counselling. Lots of it. I hated it all and it just didn't help in the slightest.

My girls were born at 36 weeks but were fortunately healthy enough to not need too much special care. Technically they were premature but I never talk to anyone about that, it doesn’t seem fair when I know much NICU mums go through.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

What a prick

A link to what a prem baby is what I would deliver plus info on heel prick

She sounds really insensitive

YANBU my dd was born at 38 weeks she was definitely not premature.

Sorry for your loss

@RioRio99 - I agree re the counselling. I didn't find it particularly helpful either.

I guess you need to try and recognise that she is incorrect in her claim the baby was premature but also try to see that her claim does not have any bearing on your loss. It doesn't diminish your loss in any way.

I suspect that you somehow feel her claim casualises premature birth and your loss, in the same way that people claiming to be a bit OCD casualises OCD. You presumably feel this at a subconscious level so very difficult to ignore or change.

Try and just see it as a word used incorrectly, in the same way someone might say "I learned him" or "I loaned a tenner from him" (or someone makes up a word like "casualise" ) . I wouldn't say anything to her but if anyone mentioned it to me I would probably say that anything after 37 weeks is considered term, so there should be no issues relating to prematurity.

Both my children were premeture DS at 33weeks and DD 29 weeks. This is after I had a stillbirth at 37 weeks and 2 miscarriages. Even now I remember the worry and stress all these years later. They are now both healthy DS is 36 and DD is 34. Both have had a charmed life after the poor start.
I understand how annoying some people can be and all they want is attention.

OP I'm so sorry for your loss and quite understand your upset over this persons comments. Take care x

I'm sorry Rio.
Be kind to yourself, and your friend.

She probably in shock about her little ones very slightly early arrival, because how many people tell people expecting their first of 'you'll be weeks yet,' 'they never arrive on time'' you could go another 10 days over term, 'and they are so small, so your friend is probably thinking hers is smaller than it should be, every spot is a catastrophe, but she will calm down.
I know rationalising her behaviour wont make you feel any better. Nothing will its just awful.

One of the ladies in my nct group has this experience whilst still in hospital with someone else on the ward. The mother had a baby at 38 weeks and was repeatedly telling the midwife baby was premature, all of her issues or anything the mum couldn't (didn't want to) do were so hard with a prem baby. The midwife kept reiterating that baby wasn't prem and said how dangerous this is because if she goes around telling medical professionals or the HV that it may change the information that they give.

DD was born at 38 weeks but had 9 days in special care from what appears to be a piss poor midwife not wrapping her properly and not monitoring her. There were a lot of very prem babies in there. Clearly your friend is after the sympathy vote which is sad because it sounds like she has a normal healthy baby.

She doesn't sound like the brightest or most educated. Let her off.

I think your reaction is perfectly understandable but you would be unreasonable to post what you would like to (which I'm sure you won't!)

Muting her posts is absolutely the right thing to do.

@SoupDragon oh I wouldn't. I probably won't even say anything to her. I think I just needed to vent and AIBU seems a good place to do so.

Thanks all. I just find it hard someone would use their baby for attention like this...

MN is good for venting.

I don't think she's using her baby for attention, she's a first time mother who's had a surprise early birth. She has no idea what is normal.

Yanbu! I've had 2 premmies 31 & 33 weeks.
I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm very sorry for your loss OP. It must be very hard to see this - BUT - said kindly I think YABU. She isn't using a baby for attention - she is just an exhausted, elated, panicked, sleep deprived first time mum

Lets all cut each other some slack. She has been insensitive - but she is in a muddled confused mad state - she probably is worrying about her baby - just accept she is insensitive and don't look at her posts.