AIBU to feel guilty about never reporting domestic violence

[DanaScully83]

4 years ago I packed 2 suitcases and left my husband. To all our friends and family it appeared to be out of the blue, however, what I never told anyone was that for years I had endured countless beatings. Over the years my Ex-H broke many bones and strangled me on several occasions until I passed out.
I’ve since rebuilt my life - I moved to the other side of the world, I’m engaged to my wonderful DP with one child and another on the way. I couldn’t be happier and haven’t thought about my Ex-H for a long time.
Until last weekend he popped up on Facebook as a suggested friend. In his profile picture is a woman smiling and holding a new baby - I’m guessing it is his new partner and their child. I feel sick. For years my Ex-H told me we shouldn’t have children as he couldn’t guarantee he would not be violent to them - his own childhood was incredibly violent with his father beating him into a coma when he was a teenager. I know it is too late to say anything now but I feel so guilty - I could have told the police or his family to get him help. For some reason this has brought up old feelings I never really processed - but now I feel like it will be my fault if he ever hurts his partner or their child. I’ve barely slept since I found out and haven’t idea what to do. Please tell me what you would do.

Please do not feel guilty. that is how most domestic violence victims are made to feel. This is a tricky subject, as I know you will want to contact her to see if she is ok, maybe you could via facebook, if it eases your mind, you can always block them if things get nasty but you also know that she could be in denial. I was with someone who was a convicted, known wife beater and took him as I found him but was always wary and left him the first time he tried to lay a hand on me because I was not in a vulnerable place, had not fallen for him, got myself trapped and still had some self esteem. That did not leave me in a position to report him, attempted was taken less seriously at the time. The next woman would have known about his past, it was common knowledge and he would have discussed it, he did so with me. He was sent to prison for her attempted murder after tying her to a radiator and almost beating her to death. This was before facebook, I did not know her, saw her once in the street with him, if I had approached her, I would have looked like the jealous ex who split with him a few months ago and it would have probably started a fight, so I just walked by. I am not responsible for what happened to her, if I said something, it will have made no difference, she will have known. fb is a blessing and curse but you are on the other side of the world, can make enquiries and always block but you have to stop thinking it is your fault, if anything happens. Few of these men are rehabilitated but he may have changed with a different partner and child, we can only hope x

could you consider contacting the police authority where he lives now and report historic abuse, by email maybe? That way, when she eventually makes a call to police herself, or someone else does, then there will be a record, it may help her. When I reported my ex for abuse it helped me A LOT that my neighbours had already reported him, several times. I would warn her, you have nothing to lose and you live far enough away for any fall out to be managed by blocking. It's not your fault that she is in this situation but I do think you are in a good position to do something about this and potentially help someone without causing much inconvenience to you. I think morally you need to do something. These guys will never stop unless people who are in a position to do something about them step up.