Kissed someone else

[frazed]

Name change .. married 18 years , love DH but not in love ,reunion party at weekend , got drunk kissed someone else , never gonna see him again , I was flattered by attention , is marriage over ? Do I tell DH ?

No. Don't tell

He has the right to make decisions about his life with all facts to hand.

Of course you should tell him, why would you be so selfish by not doing so?

The real question is what are you going to do to sort out your marriage?

Would it not ruin the marriage more than it already is if I told ?

Your partner has the right to make informed decisions about his own future, though doesn't he? It would be the right thing to do to tell him.

Get out of your miserable marriage but FGS keep your mouth shut about that irrelevant kiss. It just doesn't matter at this point.

I'm staying cos of the kids and no money of my own .. wouldn't it be easier to stay quiet ? I have a crap life cos I don't love him but he's a good bloke

Never, never, never tell him you kissed someone else.
That said your main problem is that you are unhappy and really need to sort out your marriage.

Realise how shady that sounds ... but doubt I'm the first or last to be in a life like this

Looks like you've already made your mind up.

Let's hope he comes to his senses and sees the kind of person hes married to.

@Username12345 sometimes I think I it would be easier if he did .

@frazed does he know how you feel? Obviously marriages go through a bad patch but this doesn't sound like a patch nor does it seem like you're doing anything to work on your marriage. If you have no inclination to work on your marriage then it's not fair to keep your DH trapped like this living a lie. I feel sorry for him as I'd hate to think that my DH felt the same about me but didn't have the decency to tell. If it was just the kiss I'd say don't tell as I don't think it's worth breaking up a decent marriage for but it doesn't sound like you have a decent marriage.

No! It’s selfish to tell him!
Don’t relieve your guilt by laying it on someone else.
Op clearly needs to think about her whole marriage.
Op, you don’t love him. Be kind

Getting kissed by another man is no big deal to my way of thinking. I wouldn't mention it to your Husband though, unless you properly know how he would react, as in, be annoyed, be very furious, laugh about it, or couldn't care less.. as you know him better than anyone else.

@frazed if you were very much in love with dh and it was a one-off drunken stupid move, I wouldn’t tell - selfish and hurtful and doesn’t help anyone. However you’re staying in a marriage for possibly selfish reasons (or at least for self-preservation) at his expense - I definitely wouldn’t tell, and I would work my bloody arse off to make it up to him for betrayal on both fronts. If you focus all your energy into improving your relationship with him you might find him attractive again. Try! But don’t break the heart of a decent innocent person in this situation.

@IsThisSeeSawTaken your post makes a lot of sense , thankyou

I was in a similar-ish position the other way round during my pregnancy. DH told me and actually I wish he hadn't. All it did was absolve him of some of the guilt whilst handing me a ton of emotional work to do in forgiving him and moving on from it. Not to mention the paranoia i still feel about it happening again.

Only you can decide if this perspective is useful or what's best in your situation. But fwiw, I think telling or not depends on the outcome you want for both of you. It deserves long, hard thought.