AIBU with DH vaping

[greytoosoon]

Just had a row over his vaping. He works from home and has given up smoking about 4 weeks ago but has switched one vice for another. He never smoked indoors but is now continually vaping. We have a home study/office which the children also use for their studies. There are 3 desks so they can all be in there together. Last night I was in there and I could strongly smell tobacco. Didn’t say anything. Come in from work tonight and again the office smells like an ashtray! He then admits he is vaping a tobacco flavoured liquid. It stinks! I have asked him several times over the past couple of weeks not to vape indoors. So again I ask him not to do this and he turns around and puffs it right in front of me! I snatch the vaping thing (?) and have hidden it. He is now going loopy and blaming me if he goes off to have a ciggie. I gave up smoking four years ago and don’t want the smell of cigarettes in the house and definitely don’t want the kids having to study with the smell. Laying in the bath whilst he is stomping around downstairs. AIBU

You can't take someone's things and hide them.

Absolutely not being unreasonable! I wouldn't have this either!

So you think hiding it will solve the problem then?

Vaping aside, that is very bullying behaviour.

Yeah that's the trouble with vaping, people think they can do it right under your nose and "it doesn't count". Because it's not smoking.

Fuck that.

Give him back his stupid dummy. But have another chat about not doing it indoors. It's gross for other people even if it's not a tobacco smell, which is obvious worse.

Give him his bloody vape back. You’re completely sabotaging his progress so far. He’s right it’ll be your fault if he smokes again. Pat yourself on the back for giving up but understand how you do things isn’t how everyone does things.

Just talk to him about where it’s appropriate to vape and which liquids he uses. The menthol ones aren’t too sweet generally and smell much less. Understand that he will probably benefit from having an area indoors to vape in since it breaks the habit of going outside to smoke and that vapers tend to look like their using it more than they smoked because it’s little and often as there’s no real ‘finish’ point.

It's not the smell of cigarettes though, it's a tobacco flavour. There's no smoke, no tar, nothing cigarette involved

He's right really, if he goes for a cigarette now then it is your issue for taking the vape off him. Support him quitting rather than hiding his bloody vape

I wouldn't let him vape inside either. It was very rude of him to blow it in your face particularly and you shouldn’t have snatched it off him - think that makes you both quits as you’ve behaved equally as bad

No one knows exactly how dangerous vaping is it yet as the long term effects can't be studied because it's so new. Smoking used to be recommended by doctors because they didn't realise how dangerous it was at first. I wouldn't be bothered about the smell as much as the unknown long term impact it could be having on your children.

@namechangedforthishelp there are plenty of studies out there. Vaping is not that new
It's supported by cancer research and public health to name just a few

If it smells that bad he might actually have been smoking tobacco. The tobacco flavoured eliquids don't usually smell quite the same. I know some people really hate the smell of vape, but honestly cigarettes are worse.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/e-cigarettes-an-evidence-update

We all agree that e-cigarettes are significantly less harmful than smoking. One in 2 lifelong smokers dies from their addiction. All of the evidence suggests that the health risks posed by e-cigarettes are relatively small by comparison but we must continue to study the long term effects.

And yet, millions of smokers have the impression that e-cigarettes are at least as harmful as tobacco and we have a responsibility to provide clear information on the facts as we know them to be. It is our duty to provide reassurance for the 1.1 million e-cigarette users who have completely stopped smoking to prevent their relapse. (from the statement signed by PHE and 12 other UK public health orgs)

The only thing that smells like an ashtray is an ashtray. Tobacco flavoured vapour smells nothing like burning tobacco and dissipates in minutes.
He's probably back on the fags if the office smells like an ashtray and no wonder with your lack of support.

Thanks for comments, I feel suitably chastised. I didn’t snatch it from his hand but off the desk and wouldn’t normally behave this way, I know it was childish, but he p**d me off blowing it in my face. I have been really supportive and encouraging over the last few weeks, constantly saying how we are all proud of him etc, just don’t want him vaping indoors which he continues to disregard. He was without it for 30 minutes whilst I was in the bath and I have given it back. I don’t think he is smoking cigarettes because he would never do that indoors, but whatever he is vaping does smell strong. The kids have even said the same tonight not knowing what had been said between the two of us. I know it’s hard, I’ve done it and it was the hardest thing, but I feel he is so dis-respectful to not consider our feelings 🙁

OP I could have written your post.

My husband and I used to smoke until 4 years ago. We both decided to give up. I went cold turkey and he switched to vaping.

We actually used to both smoke cigars and would never have more than 2, possibly three in a day (not massive cigars - just bit bigger than cigarettes).

Now he vapes - he does it constantly. In the car, in his home office, walking around a theme park, at his desk at work (he has his own office) and he even takes it into the toilet with him.

He never goes more than 2 minutes without a puff on the thing.

He is a "cloudchaser" too ane therefore my entire house stinks of "choconana".

People who think the smell dissipates immediately are a bit mistaken I reckon - either that or my dh vapes so much that the smell never gets the chance to go. He has no less than 30 bottles of the stuff on his desk and is seriously addicted.

He puffs away on it like it is going out of fashion and I am terrified that it will turn out that they are more harmful than we think.

I just can't beleive that it is not harmful to suck a load of wet perfumed steam into your lungs 100s of times a day.

I wish that he would try to vape less - or just vape to replace the cigars we used to smoke - i.e go down to the garage for half an hour once a day like we did but like your DH he has replaced one vice for another.

I have no answers for you but want to emphasise. The only place my DH doesn't vape is my bedroom - I have banned him from vaping in there!