Is my mate a CF?

[iroihs]

I’ve got this friend who is a self-proclaimed “disorganised texter”. What this essentially means is that her phone contains tens upon tens of unopened messages. Nothing wrong with that as it’s her personal business.

However, I’m now starting to notice how she feels okay constantly texting me asking for favours knowing full well that I’ll see her message, and yet doesn’t seem to be there at all when I need anything due to her being a said “disorganised texter”!

Thus far, I’ve picked her kid up from school, delivered lunches to her office since it's "on the way", signed off on her Amazon orders, lent her my waffle maker (was returned to me with bits of dried food stuck to it too), allowed her to use my shower (with 5 mins notice) as she had gone on a morning run and “it’d be so inconvenient to go home and get changed since I’m having brunch just next door” etc.

Calling is not an option at all as she feels “awkward speaking on the phone”.

AIBU or am I a complete mug?

Yup.

Shes not a friend. She's a user.

You're a mug. Why not just say no. Or ignore the message?

Yep, she's taking advantage. You can block her number, change your number so you don't receive her texts or ask her to stop asking you to do favours.

Does she contribute anything to your relationship - like arranging to go out or remembering birthdays, or is it just asking for favours?

Some of those things are quite a big ask

Has she done anything for you? I would treat her texts as she treats others.

Yes, CF. Ignore or say no!

Initially I just chalked it up to carelessness/forgetfulness since she's always been so apologetic and flustered when questioned.

Can't ignore her since I'm in a relationship with her best mate who feels "indebted" to her (for lack of a better word) due to something she did about a year ago. I've also said "no" to letting her use my kitchen since hers was being renovated months prior and got accused of being selfish by the both of them!

No need to ignore HER but ignore or decline her requests!

Your DP sounds a problem here too! Why does your DP feel “indebted”?

Just say straight up "I've been thinking and actually your disorganised texter excuse is great! You get to text everyone else looking for favours but have excused yourself in advance from replying to everyone else's requests so I have decided I am now a disporganised texter too. Thanks for the tip, don't just rock up looking for a favour either, I won't have checked the text so it won't suit me"

Tell her you don't check your phone much and will miss her texts etc. So not to rely on you for last minute favours. I'm shocked at your partner for calling you selfish!!

Just ignore her texts for favors that you can't do(or cant be bothered to do). Then act flustered if she asks

Just be the sort of person who opens texts and then forgets to reply - The Forgetful Texter. 'Oh I'm sorry, I read it and then got distracted and forgot to reply'. You may also need to be The Doesn't Answer Front Door person too.

I heard disorganised texting was actually contagious. Maybe she’s passed it on to you and your unable to reply unless you want something

You’re being made a fool of. And if your partner can’t see that - then that’s an issue too. Unless this favour was a donation of a liver that she gave to your partner? if not - say no from now on

I'm just baffled as to how she knows whether or not you've agreed to her requests, if she never reads her texts - or does she just 'ask' for something, assume it's a Yes and turn up automatically to receive the favour?

Regardless of that, anyway, she is NOT a friend and she IS a CF and a user. By all means ignore scam/spam/bacn texts from companies, but to constantly permanently ignore an apparent friend's texts is extremely rude.

How would you feel if you were in the same room as her and she completely ignored everything you said to her, but kept talking to you and expecting you to reply and/or do her a favour as a result? It's no different really.

If you don't want to have it out with her, just ignore her texts. If she has the audacity to complain about it, tell her you thought there was no point as she 'can't' (for some reason) read texts on her phone anyway. Whatever could she say to that?