Contact is court ordered. The original order stated that we worked around Exs shifts and he could have DD (aged 3) whenever he wanted.
I took it back to court as DD has SN and it not being set was affecting everything in her life. One week she’d be collected from Nursery early on a Tuesday and the next she’d see him Thursday. I couldn’t sign up for groups and kept having to rearrange appointments around contact as he wasn’t allowed to take her (although I couldn’t and can’t stop him attending he never does as he claims she’s fine and has no SN). DD was also unsettled, kept falling asleep at randomly at Nursery, her meal times were all over the place as he wouldn’t copy her routine at home/Nursery because “I don’t eat at those times” so she’d come home hungry, he returned her late even though the order specified he was only allowed 2 hours at a time, and she was following me everywhere and sleeping in my bed. I got a letter from her paediatrician to say this behaviour was out of character for her and recommended that the court set times of contact to say e.g. Thursday 3-5pm, with it changing day/time when she starts school if needs be.
The court followed what the paediatrician had said and said Ex could have DD on a Wednesday from 2-4pm. I changed her days at Nursery so she did a half day on Wednesday as Ex isn’t allowed to know where I live so I do all pickups and drop offs to him.
He’s not seen her in 6 weeks as he apparently can’t guarantee he won’t be working during contact time. Poor DD is finding it so upsetting as he’ll see her for a week or so then disappear ago, so her behaviour hasn’t actually improved since the 2nd final court hearing. I am struggling with her behaviour.
So I took it back to court, asking that either Ex sticks to the weekly contact or doesn’t see her until he has a job which means he can commit to his Wednesday contact. His counter argument has been that his parents could have her when he’s working – but that to me is just as unsettling as sometimes she’d be with grandma and grandad and other times she’d be with daddy, so she’d still be confused.
The court agreed with me and said he could have indirect contact only until he could commit to the contact time set out in the order (they never said he needed a new job but it was heavily implied by the judge).
I’ve received abusive messages from Exs family saying it’s me being selfish and all about money to me as if I stop contact I’ll get more (I don’t get anything anyway as he works CIH, so adding nothing to nothing is still nothing) but I’m doubting myself that this is best for DD, and wonder if it would be better to see DD her father anytime and just deal with the bad behaviour?
If it helps we split due to DA and DV which included control issues from Ex, he has in the past been charged by the police for his treatment of me, and SS have been involved a couple of times as he/his family have reported me.
AIBU?