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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to my 16 year old having a few friends over for birthday

18 replies

Sunshinelollypops01 · 03/12/2018 11:36

My stb16 year old is looking to have a few friends over for her birthday. Now to me a few friends is 6/7. To her its 15/20. I know she drinks behind my back whick i have tried to stop but she wants drink at this thing. In my head a few bottles each only after talking to parents to make sure its ok. But to her ,her mates drink crates. Few bottles wont do. We just moved a few ago. So were an hour away from her friends. So she wants them to stay. We,ve 2 small kids which id have to ship out cause i work nights. No way can take time off a week before Christmas. Husbsnd will be here. I know some of her friends cant handle theyre drink. Ive already said no but Aibu to say no to a 16year old who is looking for a session that is appropriate for 18 year old

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2018 11:43

Hell no. Not a chance.

10PollyPockets · 03/12/2018 11:47

I wouldn't entertain this! What if one drinks too much and gets ill or breaks stuff in your house. 15-20 is a lot in your house, could you hire a hall or venue?

RosemarysBush · 03/12/2018 11:50

My dd has a small group of close friends(boys too) we’ve known for years and we have them to party/sleep over occasionally. They are quite noisy despite trying to be respectful! No I wouldn’t be happy with a big party of unknown underage drinkers at that age.

anniehm · 03/12/2018 11:50

Mine had a few friends over - 10 including them was my limit. I provided "cocktails" (mostly lemonade and fruit juice but I added coconut rum to one, schnapps to the other then hid the bottles, guests were told not to bring alcohol with them. We also paid for dominos to deliver pizza, plus laid out party food then pushed off to the pub (my girls are close in age so both times the other sister was there and they are not afraid to tell tales!) I've since left them for weekends and my house wasn't wrecked. It's about building a trusting relationship, different kids can be trusted at different ages, but it's a gradual process only you know if she's ready for the responsibility yet

WhiteCat1704 · 03/12/2018 11:56

15/20??? And you have small children?
Absolutely not.

Hillarious · 03/12/2018 12:00

I trained my DC well. They've all known that the stress and responsibility of having 15/20 friends in their home would be too much!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/12/2018 12:01

YANBU at all. But you can tell her it’s your version or no version.

Original poster

Sunshinelollypops01 · 03/12/2018 12:02

Her i trust. Some of her friends not so much. Ambulance had to call for one friend after drinking

OP posts:

Adversecamber22 · 03/12/2018 12:16

I admit we did have this kind of number over for DS 16th birthday but we don’t have other small dc at home. Only two other children in his year also had a big party like this.

They ordered their own take aways, I had provided bowls of crisps and stuff. About ten stayed over and they helped clear up next morning. DH and I were in the sitting room and popped in to the kitchen/conservatory intermittently where the party was being held. It went well but it did feel like a large responsibility.

recklessruby · 03/12/2018 12:32

Had a house party for ds 16th. There was some drink and I was there (invited by ds) and it was mostly music and food. A few stayed over but nobody got wrecked. He was at college by then so they were a bit more sensible and lovely to his 10 year old dd. Mix of boys and girls which seems to be easier than a big bunch of teenage boys who just want to get drunk.
Several helped me clear up next morning (not ds he was fast asleep).
They were good kids and some are still his friends now (age 30).
Don't leave them alone and it could be ok. Depends on your dd.
Sadly my dd at that age had a friend over while we weren't here and I had to spend the night looking after a very drunk girl vomitting into a bucket. It depends on the kids.

TeddybearBaby · 03/12/2018 13:11

I’d want to let her have a party tbh. 16 is a milestone. There’d be rules though - certain amount of booze (if any), certain amount of kids etc.

OohBabyBabeh · 03/12/2018 13:19

As pp said, it's a milestone birthday. She won't tie 16 again. Maybe try to put your foot down about how much alcohol will be there and make a compromise.

cptartapp · 03/12/2018 13:21

DS went to a few birthday parties over the summer where drink was involved, he took three low alcohol cans and was warned if he came home in a state he'd not be going to any others. DH picked up and saw some real sights, DS was fine. He's actually 16 himself tomorrow but doesn't want a party thank God.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 03/12/2018 13:27

Like you say 15-20 and crates of beer is a house party not a few drinks. Can you not negotiate about numbers and amount of alcohol? It would be shame if she couldn't do anything for her birthday but it doesn't have to be an out of control drunken rave.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 03/12/2018 13:31

Good grief no I would not even entertain the idea. Even my most sensible child wasn't allowed to do that.

MatildaTheCat · 03/12/2018 13:32

No. Messy nightmare written all over it.

Offer her the option of having a few mates over for a sleepover, takeaway and a couple of beers. Take it or leave it.

HollowTalk · 03/12/2018 13:35

No way. I think there should be two adults in the house for a party like that anyway and if you're at work, that's not possible.

Half a dozen maybe, but you know they'll smuggle vodka in. It doesn't sound as if they were put off by the girl going off in an ambulance. You'd be insane to agree to 20.

Mumchanges · 03/12/2018 14:14

I posted around this time last year about my dd wanting a party for her 17th birthday.

I got absolutely flamed and told I was BU and to let her have the party.

It was a disaster! I'm still dealing with the repercussions (emotionally and materially) a year later.

I don't trust her any more with anything like this - and she even admits it got way out of hand!

I'd caution anyone against doing this.

Especially as your child sounds similar to mine in expectations/attitude.

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