To ask if you think I did the right thing

[worthygirl]

Massive fall out with friend at weekend. Have known her 20 years & we live in different parts of the country- me north, her south.

She’s never been to visit me whereas I go there a lot. It’s always organised by me.

I saw her at the weekend- and said I felt it was very one sided and she flipped at me, we had a massive row & I left on the train home.

I felt I had to say something as it was eating away at me that she never made an effort - her response was vile.

Was I being unreasonable? It’s not just my responsibility to keep the friendship going.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to want her to come to you. I presume you have already invited her to yours but she has declined?

She just always cancels/never offers etc but yet makes an effort to visit other friends. I just feel like a doormat & like I am having the piss taken out of me.

A friendship faded fast for me when it dawned on me she would never travel. She ruined my hen night because she wouldn't drive a 20 min round trip!! Long story but it ate away at me until I bowed out.
Yanbu to not apologise or make any effort in future.

It was fine and reasonable to express how you feel. Were you aggressive/angry, however? How did you approach the issue?

Doesn't sound like a friend at all. If she had good reasons she should have said so, not acted 'vile'.
I'd forget her.

I was really nice, said I was upset etc, felt I wasn’t really important to her etc.

She’s never been to visit me whereas I go there a lot. It’s always organised by me.

In what sense is it 'organised' by you? I mean, has she invited you, or do you regularly invite yourself? I mean, maybe she thinks that continually hosting you is her contribution, and that she is doing you a favour by having you to stay?

What was it she said that was vile?

I don’t think YABU to want her to come to you, but I think you could’ve expressed it better. It’s just as much effort hosting people (if not far more when you’re naturally messy like I am) as it is travelling to see them.

Maybe this friendship has been dying a death anyway, and haven’t been able to see it previously.

It’s just as much effort hosting people (if not far more when you’re naturally messy like I am) as it is travelling to see them.

Agreed. If I were regularly hosting someone who then complained I wasn't putting in enough effort in our friendship, I'd probably be fairly pissed off.