To think we're compatible?

[LazyDaisy87]

I am very attracted to a wonderful man who is very rational, realistic and pragmatic. I, on the other hand, am a hopeless romantic and idealist. He makes decisions with his head, I make decisions with my heart. I think we are at opposite ends on the spectrum on this. Between us I feel like we make a whole, balanced person. Can it work between us? I'd be really interested to hear if you're in a similar relationship and how it works for you? The rest of our relationship has lots of common ground. We're very close indeed but I wonder if the head vs heart will cause problems. Thanks

Have you stayed with each other overnight, discussed politics/beliefs?

You need to possibly have separate finances and discuss child rearing (if applicable). That's what causes the biggest clash when personalities aren't the same.

Are you actually in a serious relationship?

How long have you been together? Have you come up against any areas where you disagree yet, and how did you resolve that - did it get resolved?

Do you generally trust his decision making/find it acceptable or do you feel he totally misses the point? Do you each take the time to try and listen/understand the other's point of view?

Do you listen to each other and take each other's concerns on board? For example are you willing to accept when he points out practical issues with your gut response, and does he accept with empathy when you point out the aspects of a decision he has missed? Or are you both totally my way or the highway and don't take each other's opinions on board?

I always think if you're going to marry someone - have you ever wished you could clone yourself in order to halve your responsibilities as the clone could take over the bits you liked least and/or share the burden of the ones neither of you like very much? Because I think (a good, supportive) marriage is a bit like that. Instead of approaching life with its adult responsibilities as a single person, you approach them as a team, split according to strengths, weaknesses and preferences and where there are parts you both hate (who likes cleaning the toilet or dealing with kids at bedtime?) you take it in turns so that neither is overburdened. That's one of the most important factors in compatability, for me. That and having compatible core beliefs.

Birdsgottafly sorry I should have clarified that we're not actually together together yet. Still at the intense flirting stage! So we haven't stayed with each other overnight but we have spent many hours together. In terms of religion, we're 100% aligned. Politics, aligned enough. Morals, hmmm I'm not sure - I think he has better morals than me!

So finances and child rearing. I think it's worth thinking about those. Thanks.

I think you're jumping the gun a bit. Why not get to know him and see if it works out?

BertieBotts thanks for your reply. We're not together yet. But we're very close friends who clearly fancy each other. We have had some disagreements but these normally end with a let's agree to disagree type of scenario. I think we're both fascinated by how different the other persons thought process is.

We definitely take the time to listen to each other. I think our different approaches are actually developing each of us as a person. But we haven't had to make a real decision about anything yet because we're not together.

PikaPikaTink, yes that's my plan. I just didn't want to go a long way down a road to find out that it was foolish to even think that it could work with such different approaches to decision making.

Between us I feel like we make a whole, balanced person

No. You need to be a whole balanced person BEFORE you get into a relationship. You aren't half of the same soul, you're two adults (potentially) entering into a relationship of two. You don't need him to complete you / fill you up etc.

However can I just suggest you ask him out on a date? You fancy each other, you're both single. Give it a whirl

Me and my husband are similar to you, he is mostly head and I am mostly heart. It works very very well for us, but I think the most important thing is that your values are fundamentally the same. If they are, then you tend to arrive at the same place just by slightly different routes and approaches led more by head or heart. Also being understanding of the other persons preference and having open dialogue about important issues is the most important thing. As long as you feel you can communicate honestly and openly I see it as a benefit rather than a problem as it gives a different perspective.