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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have a word with DS's teacher about writing anxiety

5 replies

ScoutFinchMockingbird · 03/12/2018 09:00

DS (7) has always struggled with writing - can do great work if the subject interests him, but even then spelling and grammar are a bit hit and miss. Currently "working towards" age related expectations, although most of the class are already meeting them.
I have no issues with the "working towards" assessment - I agree with it. But, he really has made progress (thanks to this teacher, to be fair) so that the vast majority of his work now has capital letters and full stops for sentences (he didn't do this very much at all last year); has variable capital letters for names (again, hardly at all last year); can use fantastic adjectives, time connectives etc if explicitly asked (DS is very literal and currently has to be asked to include things - I am trying to get him to do this independently without asking). Spelling is still extremely phonetic (though he does do most frequency words correctly).
Have been trying to do a bit of work with DS at home to get him to improve a bit, but he is a reluctant and extremely anxious writer because his written work is not "perfect" and apparently (according to him) his teacher says it must be perfect.
Given the huge emphasis on children's mental health and particularly anxiety currently in the news, aibu to ask DS' teacher to ease off a bit and acknowledge the vast amount of progress he has made already? And also to acknowledge that "perfection" is a bit of a demotivator for some kids?!

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ScoutFinchMockingbird · 03/12/2018 09:59

bump

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SmallDalek · 03/12/2018 10:10

I think you should have a word with his teacher for sure. I hope she didn’t tell him his writing has to be perfect because that’s not on. You will hopefully be able to get a better idea what’s going on by talking to her or him about what expectations and standards they have and going from there.

I used to be a TA and have worked with a few children whose hand was shaking when they put pencil to paper they were so nervous and one who wanted to cross out or erase anything she wasn’t happy with. She couldn’t keep up with the work because she wanted to spend ages making sure each flipping letter was just right. The poor mite was a nervous wreck. The pressure was coming from the parents though and the teacher was able to explain that just doing their best attempt was fine. It’s definitely not in your DSs (or any child’s) interest to be told only perfection is acceptable but hopefully this will be his interpretation of what was said and you can sort this out. Good luck.

ScoutFinchMockingbird · 03/12/2018 13:02

Thanks SmallDalek. I certainly intend to have a word!

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PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 03/12/2018 13:33

I think it's fine to have a discussion with his teacher - perhaps between you you can come up with some strategies (for example she doesn't put too much pressure on in the classroom and you do little bits of practise at home).

Is there any particular issue - e.g. dyspraxia with your son? Only he sounds fairly similar to my cousin's DS who has mild (actually on the boundary of diagnosis) ASD/dyspraxia and a similar personality and issues with writing.

ScoutFinchMockingbird · 03/12/2018 15:43

I suspect he has Permanently but because he can sometimes do fab work, it is hard to provide evidence and pursue it further.

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