I've NC'd for this.
I am in my mid 20's and for years now I have been caring for my mother's mother (before he died, I also cared for her father). My mum also does help out a lot with the caring and calls most days.
My mum left my stepfather for another man and in the beginning he was lovely with me but he hasn't spoken to me for over a year now and says he will do but only when 'he decides' (this is all because I brought a pet to my gran's house for a few days last year). For christmas neither me or my sister (he dislikes her partner) will be allowed to visit our mother.
When people tell my mum that this man sounds controlling not letting her children visit her at their home, she tells them 'you don't know him, take everyone as you find them'. My stepfather used to hit me and would take me in the car and leave me in the road outside my grandparents late at night when I was a child saying 'I only let you live here cause your mother wants you here'. I am old enough to not need her to defend me now, but I do feel she puts men before her children. She had a very big operation a few years ago and he refused to go and see her the first day after as her friend was visiting and he doesn't like her.
My grandmother thinks he is a lovely man as he brings her cakes but will only come to the house if I am not there. When relatives are over he will come over and do jobs such as cut the hedge leaving them all saying how nice he is. I feel like I am going crazy! He has raised a fist to my face in front of them and they still think he's great.
I have been suffering with anxiety for a long time and I think this is probably not helping. I'd be grateful for any advice. We have had an argument this evening and I told my mum I am very hurt how no-one seems to see this man for what he is - her response was that it's about time I went away. I feel like I'm losing my mind :(