I need a new career

[Chuggachuggatoottoot]

My life has changed. I can't do the sort of jobs I used to do like office work, GP receptionist type thing because of the children and being the only one who can take them to school and pick them up. It's a shame because I liked the work but I can't do the hours they need. My dh is the main earner has a very good job so he doesn't do school runs. I currently have been a SAHM for about 7 years.

Do you want a job or a career? If you want a job then people post about jobs fitting around school hours all the time. If you want a career you can't decide what you want to do based on school hours, it's nonsensical, you have to make sacrifices and these will come in the form of financial and time sacrifice, from yourself and your husband, be it childcare and/or your husband being a bit more flexible.

It depends what you really want.

I think the thing to remember is that it won't be difficult forever though. If nothing else your DC will get older! Many people find that once they are in a job, they can negotiate different hours, or be first in the queue for a new opportunity in their company.

A conversation I overheard at school has always stuck in my mind. There was a mum at school who worked at a major retailer, and she worked something like 9.30-2.30 4 weekdays, and every other Saturday. Another mum told her how lucky she was to get those shifts and she'd tried and failed to get something that fitted round school hours so well. The response was along the lines of "lots of people looked at her and thought she was lucky, but the bit they didn't realise is that when she started working there she just took whatever shifts she was given, she and her husband juggled like crazy, paid for childcare and pulled in favours right left and centre. Then she got the chance to work nights which meant she didn't need childcare but wasn't great for their family life. However because she was known to be reliable, she was then able to pick up daytime shifts 1 by 1 as people left/moved. The "luck" hadn't just happened overnight."

UserMe18
Yes very true

RedSky

Absolutely, it always surprises me people think the perfect school hour jobs are ripe for the picking (not speaking about you op) I get asked it a lot. I have a lot of flexibility in my job- flexi hours, working from home etc but as you say this has been earned over time (particularly climbing the ranks) it's rarely down to luck! It would be extremely restrictive to narrow down a job choice by work hours, there's a lot more to get from work than just that (personal opinion). Plus with childcare sometimes you've just got to suck it up and pay thinking about the long term, why does it have to be seen as just taking the mum's wages, people need to look at the bigger picture.

This isn't making sense. after school care is too expensive but finding a nanny is too much hassle? Either suck it up with a childminder, or wait another year until both are at school, theres no way that would be more than your earnings in an admin job.

What Userme18 said.

Are you sure you really want to go back to work?

My DH was in a similar position to the one it sounds like your DH is in, but if he's that senior he should be able to manage a couple of pick ups / drop offs a week. He can send someone else / negotiate his meeting times. Seriously. He'd negotiate a smaller client round a larger one without a moments hesitation, so why can't he do it for his own family?

It's sometimes a bit complicated but if you really want to make it work it is possible.

However if you really just want to justify being the support partner in your relationship (cos that's what you are, without your support how well would he be doing and how happy would he be?) then make peace with it, but I think it's not unreasonable to expect him to contribute to your pension.

What about an evening job?

I was going to say evening work. For the first 3 years after my youngest was born I worked evenings part time. It wasn't easy and it was a bloody long hard day the days I was in work. But I had to work and it was the best option available at the time.

I'm in a similar position to you OP. I work full time days now. Thankfully my job is close to home, so minimal traveling time and is flexi time so I can take the kids into school in the morning and start for around 9.00-9.30. I then leave at 5 and pick the kids up although sometimes I leave them until 6. My youngest is at preschool so the childminder picks him up at lunch time and then she gets my eldest after school as well. Finding a childminder with space for them both was a nightmare! I am also not really bringing much more home than I was when I worked part time. Next year when youngest is in full time school it will be a bit better financially. Ideally I would have wanted to wait until next September. But I had to take this job when it came up because of how close it was to home with flexi time.

Also don't forget you can get the free hours for your youngest if they are 3-4.

Become a childminder

needtoshutupandlisten

Thank you

I think in your position I'd enquire initially about any free return to work courses locally and discover what your options might be.

If you are positive you want to return to work it sounds like a great time to do done training or work experience in a field you would like to get into.

Personally I really enjoyed my time at home did some volunteer stuff. Was very ready to work once youngest was in year 1, then childcare was a bit easier and I've still got a few decades of working to change careers etc.

I'm in the same position as you OP.
My husband works overseas so there is no one to do pick ups or drop offs only me.

I've just moved and luckily there is before and after school clubs I can do, however it severely limits how far I can go as I don't drive so would need to be back before 6pm and would need to be able to get to work in time too!

It always astounds me when people say "you're making up excuses" they've probably got support left right and centre and have no idea what it's like to juggle everything yourself.

Can’t you write a bookirstart a business or something? Surely that would provide the flexibility you need whilst also having Morris a point to it than a receptionist job?

I work in a school but not school
Hours per se. Couldnt have done it when mine at primary as I start at 8. I do get holidays off though (unpaid).

Floofen

As a military wife with no family around I certainly did not have help left right and centre, for the record. I think sometimes people are quick to admit defeat (for a variety of reasons) before actually looking into viable solutions.

What sort of job are you looking for, OP? Is it really only GP receptionist ir nothing?

Do you have a degree and would you enjoy teaching?

You could get work as a cover supervisor (unqualified supply teacher, school hours, no marking if you are agency staff usually).

Could you study book-keeping or accountancy? Book keeping you could do from home and/or go into accountancy when the children are older.

Start up your own cleaning business?

Dog walking?

Child Minding?

Working in a sandwich shop if you are looking for just a job and not a career. Most near me close at 2.30pm.

There are quite a lot of possibilities to be honest.

I know a lot of civil servants who work in Admin roles and collect their kids from school and get holidays off. Lots of chances of promotion when kids are older. Any chance of those jobs near you?

UserMe18 My post was more aimed at CurlyHairedAssassin who said that OP was making up excuses.

What viable options do you have if there is nobody to help out, you don't drive which means you need to work close by to get back for pickups, so finding a job that meets this criteria is extremely hard.
I'm so glad it worked for you. But not everyone is in the same circumstance.
As a military wife I believe you have certain things like accommodation given to you.

We don't have that luxury, we have to pay (quite a ridiculous amount) in rent every month. I'm sure everyone's situation is different to yours and others. It doesn't work as simply as you think.

Floofen

Everyone has difficulties, some people (again not aiming at OP) seem to think there are jobs out there readily available that need no sacrifices, as another pp says those of us who make it work seem to be made out to be lucky but actually many of us have really just had to pull our finger out (and suck up childcare costs accepting we'll be bringing in very little money for a few years, this seems to be the part few are unwilling to do, that's fine, but don't tell me I'm lucky!)

Not wanting to compete but as you seem quick to dismiss my own situation yes we get accommodation but we don't get to pick where we live (well not specifically and when) so every few years we are sent to a new area, often in the sticks meaning long commutes, having to pick up whatever work is available, one time being posted to London which then meant a £2000 rail season ticket. When we moved here I drove a 100 mile round trip a day to keep myself in my field. With a husband in the military it means having to assume he will be away and pay for childcare to cover 100% of my hours even though many weeks he would actually be around but we couldn't predict. It also means having no family around. Now I'm not whinging, I've made it work, primarily by working up the ranks to get to a position where flexible working is more easily available, and by paying tens of thousands of pounds in childcare over the years, not seeing it as coming out my wages but our family income, thankfully now they're in school we are reaping the rewards, but it did mean sacrifice.

When I said looking into viable options I mean actually applying for jobs, finding out flexible working possibilities, looking at what childcare options are available: the amount of people I speak to who go "but it's £1000 a month!" but then haven't looked into vouchers/tax free childcare/30 free hours etc, again not aiming at the OP but it always surprises me how half heartedly some people treat it when I was researching in pregnancy (unplanned pregnancies by the way! Not trying to make out I was planning for the perfect outcome but when I knew what situation I was in I set to looking at options).

And if you don't drive and have no medical reason not to- learn, I've plenty of friends who've had to do that recently, military bases are often in the sticks so many realise this after getting posted. And as civilian I suppose you've got more flexibility to find somewhere appropriate to live: cheaper, good transport links. I'm not saying it's that easy, I know for others those 2 things are not easy, but there's usually something we can all do in our situations, for me it's been commuting and paying a lot on childcare, thankfully not needing to do those 2 things now kids are in school (well not a lot) but if I hadn't of done it in the pre school years I'd be starting from scratch now.

Oh and just to add that wasn't me trying to be intentionally goady (though I'm sure it sounds it!) but to make the point that not all of us who have firmer opinions on the matter (though I appreciate you weren't directing me) are from easy positions with help "left, right and centre" if anything the fact I didn't have it has only made me more opinionated on it! As I say initially it depends if the op wants a career or a job, if she just wants a job then I appreciate it's not going to be worth jumping through too many hoops, with a career we all do what we have to do to keep it going as we are looking at the bigger picture beyond finances.

In your shoes OP, I'd wait till both kids were in school, and either retrain completely, or look for a very part-time NHS admin job, looking at hospitals etc not just at a GP practice, they do exist, but aren't very common (thinking about the jobs that are 17h a week or less) so at least you only have to worry about holiday care.

Floofenhoofen: “What viable options do you have if there is nobody to help out, you don't drive which means you need to work close by to get back for pickups”

I had minimal help as my DH also works away a lot of the time. He doesn’t do regular shifts so i have never been able to factor him into childcare arrangements. Many parents evenings have just been me (having driven there straight from work to get there on time). No grandparents close enough to do school pickups like many seem to have (but I could drop off sick child to my mum’s on the odd day), 40 mile round trip (Drive). But it is what it is so I just had to deal with it. Surely only on eastenders and Corrie does everyone live and work in their local area without needing to drive anywhere (except to crash into a canal for the sake of the storyline! )

I already learnt how to drive years ago as I viewed it as an essential life skill or else my choices in life would be severely restricted. Fine not to you live and work in a city like London where no-one drives anyway.

But for everyone else, particularly once you have kids, it pretty much becomes an important part of being able to take part in a lot of parenting stuff: time-dependent school/work/childcare run, many many events like children’s parties, sports events, play dates etc, trips to A and E, other hospital appointments. My sister went back to driving again once she had a baby and realised that she needed a car to be able to work.

I get that learning to drive is one of the least pleasant things in life (I spent many hours in the loo before each lessso while I was learning).

but in your position, it woukd give you so much independence. If you CAN learn, I think you should.

By “using it as an excuse” I sometimes think that people lose their confidence when they’ve not been in work for a number of years. Get stuck in a rut and changing the status quo seems scary. So some of us tend to look for an excuse as to why we can’t possibly to X, Y, Z. I was exactly like that. Terrified of going back to work and trying to juggle everything and letting the kids down etc .

But it just takes a few conversations with different parents with similar levels of support as you about how they juggle things, and you realise that If they can do it it can be done.