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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rant!!

15 replies

Amyxo123 · 02/12/2018 07:07

My daughter is 3 weeks old today. My 2nd baby - I do every feed during the day and during the night. My partner will do the occasional one after work during the week. Tonight I asked if he could do the night feed he's off tomorrow - he was fine with this till it actually came to doing it. So he had fell asleep on the couch till 2am I woke him up and fed my daughter as I was up anyways and asked him to do the 6am fed. She woke at 6 I gave him a push and he replied with she's just had a feed then I made the bottle and passed him the baby. I couldn't get back to sleep so I just lay there - he then fed the baby almost a full bottle and went to sleep I woke him up at least 3 times to get him up and told her to wind her. With a reply of 2 minutes and nodded back to sleep so I took the baby back and winded her. Now she's been sick twice (she's not a sickly baby if winded) and is unsettled. I'm so angry as I feel like he's doing this just so he doesn't need to do night feeds. I then asked him to pass me a babygrow from the baby's room and change her - he then mumble she doesn't need changed (ps this is after she's sick) how can I get him to stop being so lazy - AIBU?

OP posts:
itbemay · 02/12/2018 07:09

Sit down and talk to him. I presume he's back at work so during the week is limited? He should be stepping up at weekends.

Original poster
Amyxo123 · 02/12/2018 07:15

Yes @itbemay he's back to work.
Even the 2 weeks that he was off I done most of the feeds as he's just rubbish at getting up and I get woke anyway - so it's easier for me to do it rather that worry he's not gonna wind her or fall asleep

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/12/2018 07:16

As well as talking, make a proper plan.

He goes to bed earlier and agrees to do the 6am feed, so you get to sleep.

This is going to get shot down but going from one feed a week, straight to overnight, wasn't going to work.

One weekend day, he needs to step up. He'll bond with the Baby, then, as well.

It shouldn't be done in a way that the Baby suffers, though. You need to know that she'll be taken care of.

How has he been with housework etc?

Original poster
Amyxo123 · 02/12/2018 07:22

@Birdsgottafly I do all of the cleaning & washings. All I ask for him to do is wash the bottles at night and do the dishes after dinner which he does. D

OP posts:
ironinglady57 · 02/12/2018 07:24

I could have written your OP myself. Currently sat in bed with a just fed 14 week old laying on my chest and a snoring OH next to me.

If you find a solution please tell me. I do absolutely everything

Original poster
Amyxo123 · 02/12/2018 07:29

@ironinglady57 I feel your pain! It can get so frustrating lying listening to them snore - same situation here expect I have a poorly 2 year old in the middle of us lol

OP posts:
Chocolateandcarbs · 02/12/2018 07:32

If he just can’t reliably do nights (my husband just irritated me at night as he didn’t snap awake and go onto baby autopilot like I did), then perhaps he could give you a lie in instead. We found that me having until 9am in bed and then an afternoon nap when he took the kids out for at least an hour worked for our family.

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 02/12/2018 07:48

My husband can’t function at all at night time. He was like this before we had our son. It’s acutally quiet funny to watch him try. And has lead to some funny night time wandering to weird places ( once lost him in the house no idea where he went ).

I knew this going in. So we worked together for the first three months. Wouldn’t work for everyone but it did for us

I went to bed about 7 pm. And he stayed downstairs with the baby and looked after him. He came up at midnight put the baby to bed. I then woke up for the next feed after that about 2am.

I got a good chunk of sleep and so did he.

When it got to about two months ish we went back to normal bedtime sleeping. And I did the night feeds. But husband got up with the baby first thing and I slept in. Worked well. But only worked as we did it together.

OutComeTheWolves · 02/12/2018 08:08

My dh is intermittently like this. The only thing that worked was when I went away on a hen do and he had to do it all himself.

SurreyMama19 · 02/12/2018 08:14

My hubs was useless like this too. I found it was just easier to be in charge of all the feedings since I was nursing anyways and assign him other jobs to help out like cooking, cleaning, doing the shopping etc. It was much easier. He would snuggle and hang out with the baby between feeds so I could nap when needed.

blackcat86 · 02/12/2018 08:21

DH can be like this. DD is nearly 16 weeks and a few weeks ago became more aware and clingy, so she would cry if he held her and refused to feed. I pointed out that it's because she doesn't actually know him. He doesn't feed, change, settle, bath or cuddle her so she couldn't give a fuck if he was Barack Obama, let alone her DF. He has stepped up intermittently by doing the 10/11pm bottle at weekends and short evening cuddles. I even got him doing an afternoon feed yesterday. It's crap but the last thing I want is to be on edge that DD isn't getting her needs met. I think you need to make him aware that if he's going to be a twat about it then he'll get his wish and won't be asked to do anything because you can't trust him, but then baby won't bond with him and he won't just be able to pick it back up with DC when he feels like it.

Babymamamama · 02/12/2018 08:32

My partner was unhelpful like this in the early stages. He's much better with her now but this is honestly why I stopped at one child. I felt murderous looking at him sleeping through while I was up at all hours.

letsdolunch321 · 02/12/2018 08:36

Is the two yr old his child as well?

Original poster
Amyxo123 · 02/12/2018 08:43

@letsdolunch321 yes

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 02/12/2018 08:58

Did he help with your first dc?

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