Help from cat lovers please

[ASundayWellSpent]

AIBU to think that having a cat with two small children would be hard?

We were dead set on having a dog now we have our own home with a large garden in the countryside. But due to work shifts, it would mean said dog had to wait til mid morning for first walk of the day and we didn’t think that’s fair.

So seeing as our older DD (4) is sooo desperate for a pet we considered a cat. However we also have DD (1) who is into EVERYTHING. We can’t have anything 1m or lower, or near anything climbable, fun times!

How could we have a cat with an accessible litter tray? The only way I can see is keeping the tray somewhere off limits to DD (so essentially behind a closed door) but then the cat won’t have access to it so defeats the point surely?!

Neighbours are already up in arms about another neighbours cat using their garden as a litter tray... am I missing something obvious?!

My cats have always been able to get over/under/through the babygate on the kitchen doorway (which is actually there for the dog). There is also a cat flap in the utility room door which is where the litter box usually lives.

Op I'd get a kitten. I have 2 cats with a baby and toddler. I got the cats as kittens a few months before I had my first, so they are growing up together iynwim. Yes the toddler went through a stage of annoying the hell out of the cats but they took it really well and treated her like a kitten. Now they cuddle up together all the time and she adores them. If you get a rescue older cat, you have no idea what it has been through and it's just too dangerous to put with a small family.

I don’t think you should get a cat tbh.

My two year old is like your 1 year old.
Nightmare!
Super lively, climbs everything, breaks everything.

Adding a kitten to the mix will be mega stressful.
Most pedigrees leave at 12 weeks so a bit more robust but I don’t think many decent breeders would sell to a house with a lively toddler which leaves you with a moggy that people tend to sell 6 - 8 weeks of age.
They are super small and delicate.
Your toddler could really hurt it without meaning to.

And as a pp said, cats are famous for retaliating and could injure the toddler.

Wait a few years.

We had 3 cats when our 2 were small. Baby gate worked fine. Kittens would fit through the gap and older cats could jump over so it's no problem. We had a utility room with the litter and the food in babygated so the boys couldn't play with litter or food.

Loving the sideboard with the cat flap in though, that's genius!!!

And re your neighbours.
I think it would be sensible to look into ‘cat proofing’ your garden.

Legally the cat is allowed to roam but I do think it is pretty disrespectful really to make no real attempt to contain your pet and stop it toileting in other peoples property.

I had 2 cats before my son was born and got another just before he turned 2, he did got through a phase of playing in the bowl of cat biscuits so had to move them out of reach but never had an issue with the litter tray, it's a hooded litter tray and telling him it's dirty and not to touch has worked.
The two cats (moggys) I had before ds don't really bother with him, stay out of his way mostly but still occasionally come for a cuddle, the third cat is a siamese and is more like a dog than a cat in his behaviour (plays fetch, tug of war, chase, loves cuddles and attention) they're best friends and play so nicely together and is very tolerant, if you were considering a dog I'd definitely suggest a Siamese as a good compromise :)

I had my cat before I had my children and it’s been fine. A cat can easily jump a baby gate to get to a litter tray. Itou will have to make sure the baby doesn’t grab the cat as they can scratch & bite when threatened however I’m sure it will be fine.
We didn’t even have a litter tray for years & years as he preferred to go outside. We’ve only just got another as he’s 15 now.

Do you need a litter tray? I've never had one, my cats just do their business outside.
Cats and babies are a great combination and I think it's good for them to have pets. You'll just have to teach them to be gentle!

This - Always had cats, before, during and after having babies. Also never had a litter tray. You have a large garden, in the country. Everything poos in the garden. Your neighbours are being unreasonable. We get fox poo, hedgehog poo, cat poo..... etc etc.

I think an older cat whose personality is known would be much better than a kitten, glorious though they are. Kittens are a lot of work to socialize to grow up to be cats who are nice to be around and you already have two small humans...

You have large garden in the countryside, it would be a shame to have an indoor cat in that situation and as long as you have a cat flap you would only need a litter tray for the first few days until the cat was settled.
Lovely as kittens are they are very bitey and scratchy when playing so an older cat might be better.

Older rescue cats who like children might be better than kittens, who can be very naughty, destructive and demand all your attention.

I’ve got cats and children, youngest is two. None of my kids have ever tried to get into the litter but I have now got a top entry litter tray because it eliminates smell/mess and that would work for you. All of my cats have been adult rescues that were tried and tested with children. I personally wouldn’t get a kitten with a two year old because of the (unintentional) risk of injury to both and the chance that you might end up with a cat that doesn’t like children.

I had a cat long before I had babies, so they both had to get used to her right from birth.
I did catch DD1 playing happily in the litter tray on one notable occasion, but she suffered no obvious consequences! I took her out of it, cleaned her up and explained it was dirty. She didn’t do it again.
DD2 as a toddler teased the cat, who promptly swung off DD’s head by her claws and cuffed her. She didn’t do that again either!
Cat and kids soon learnt a healthy respect for each other, with a bit of coaching from mum.
It’s a good idea to have pets as it reduces the risk of childhood allergies and asthma. Just supervise carefully to avoid too many incidents like mine!

I got a cat when i had 3 toddlers....cat grew up loved by them all and used to sleep in bed with them....she was also not afraid of anything and coped brilliantly with noise...kids...builders etc....
I still miss that cat.

If you don't have a litter tray then you'll need a cat flap. If you have a cat flap then you will probably get prey animals brought in for fun games at any time of day or night, in varying states of wellness. This could be a mouse still capable of running, or it could a pigeon with most of its neck torn out and bleeding over the floors. If you are in the countryside, expect to add rabbits to the list of victims...

We do not have a cat flap for this reason. So we do have a litter tray. Cat usually soils outside but she is very good at using her tray when the weather is inclement. (She used to always poo in her tray only until she realised other neighbourhood cats were soiling in HER garden, so now she prefers to go outside in our garden for that. She is very territorial.)

Agree with pp, some cats have characters which make them pure gold as pets of young children, but there's no way to guarantee whether you get one that's placid and doesn't mind being dressed up, or one which is more grumpy and just wants some peace.

Bear in mind rehoming shelters may not want to place a cat with you, having a very young child. They can be very picky sometimes... it's worth asking though.