Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"All men are the same with alcohol and have no control"

36 replies

Anon2345 · 01/12/2018 18:42

Have had an argument with dh about his behaviour when he goes away for weekends/nights away and the amount of alcohol he drinks. I really don't care about the amount he drinks as long and he keeps himself safe but he doesn't. He gets himself into some unsafe situations, has gaps in his memory and seems to forget he has a wife and kids and isn't contactable at all. Or he calls me and is so drunk he says he's in situations that are worrying but aren't real or has no idea where he is/what he's doing. It used to be worse and has improved over the last 18 years but is still a problem.
Was chatting to a friend who basically believes that all men have a control problem after they've had a few drinks and all men get ridiculously drunk and can't help themselves. And that I'm the unreasonable one for expecting dh to behave differently. I feel like that's a bloody cop out and it makes its seem like men are these pathetic creatures who have no control over their alcohol consumption after the 3Rd drink. So do you have a dh that is like mine or is your dh completely capable or not being a dick after a few too many and can recognise his limit with alcohol?

When I think about the males in my life who do drink they all seem to get very drunk on nights out.

Aibu to believe that men can control their drinking? And that my friend has an awful stereotypical view of men and alcohol?
Aibu to think there must be men out there that don't worry their wives stupid when they go away for a weekend drinking?

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 01/12/2018 18:45

I was with exh for 18 years. He didn't do this. He drank but not to this extent or anywhere near.

My, now, dp does really drink. Even when we go out he has a few and I have seen him drunk once. Still able to look after himself and not black out. Still a functioning adult.

Unfortunately I know a couple of men and a couple of women that do this on a regular basis.

ChodeofChodeHall · 01/12/2018 18:45

I think you know the answer to this, OP!

Jenala · 01/12/2018 18:46

Yanbu.

My husband doesn't do this. He'll go out drinking, come back early hours if he wants etc but he remains contactable and textw when he's heading home etc (and does actually come home when he says) and while he does get drunk he doesn't get totally legless. He's never made himself unsafe - and I've been with him since he was 19 so through all the years where we went out a lot.

So no, it might be normal for some people but it's not for all men.

NotANotMan · 01/12/2018 18:48

Of course all men don't do this

lau888 · 01/12/2018 18:51

My ex is an alcoholic. My dad has no problem controlling his own alcohol choices. Nor do any of my male friends. Unless your DH has an actual health issue or condition (like alcoholism), he is perfectly capable of choosing whether or not to ingest alcohol. Your DH is being utterly sexist. There is no "male alcohol gene" that forces men to binge drink. x

Jorgezaunders · 01/12/2018 18:52

No, sorry but that's just not true.
Example: DH is a very, very moderate drinker. Certainly drinks now and then, not teetotal, but in 15 years I've never known him out of control or more than very mildly tipsy. His father though gets falling down drunk regularly. I know loads of men who are quite able to drink moderately and control themselves .
So no it is not normal or healthy or inevitable for men to get as drunk as you describe.

lau888 · 01/12/2018 18:52

Sorry, your friend - not your DH. x

BackBoiler · 01/12/2018 18:56

I just leave DH to it when he's out and go to bed Grin

Andro · 01/12/2018 18:56

I don't have these issues with DH, I've never seen him out of control drunk and he hasn't come home drunk at any time during our relationship.

BackBoiler · 01/12/2018 18:57

Ive heard of men that pee all over the house when they are drunk! Divorce would def be on the cards here

Charley50 · 01/12/2018 18:59

Your friend is being ridiculous / trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Some men hardly drink, or believe it or not, don't drink at all! My DP barely drinks; just the odd beer or two or glass of wine. Even when he was younger he wasn't a big drinker. I drink more than him.

pointythings · 01/12/2018 18:59

Your friend is completely wrong. My late H was an alcoholic, but that came to him later in life - before that struck, he definitely didn't get legless or get himself into unsafe situations. And I know a lot of men - family, friends, colleagues - who are not like this.

Charley50 · 01/12/2018 19:00

@BackBoiler - one of my exes peed in my best friend's fridge as her house party! Mortified!

treaclesoda · 01/12/2018 19:00

My husband is far more restrained around alcohol than I am, and I've only had about two hangovers in the past ten years. He got drunk about two years ago and before that it was probably about fifteen years since I last saw him drunk. And we're not the sort of people who only drink once a year, we drink every weekend. But he has a very good off switch.

Charley50 · 01/12/2018 19:01

At

BackBoiler · 01/12/2018 19:03

@Charley50 how!!!! I could almost get it disoriented in the dark but actually at a party in full swing! Your poor friend Shock

AnoukSpirit · 01/12/2018 19:03

I feel a bit sad for your friend if they believe that to be true.

It's bullshit. Just another way for some men to shirk responsibility for their own actions.

AngelsSins · 01/12/2018 19:06

If all men were like this, they should be banned from drinking because they’re too irresponsible. But they’re not, obviously.

EdWinchester · 01/12/2018 19:07

Utter bollocks and ridiculous generalisation.

roisinagusniamh · 01/12/2018 19:08

Yes of course all men are like this every single male gay, straight, trans is like this !!

ASauvignonADay · 01/12/2018 19:09

Some people struggle with/lose control when drinking. Men and women. And certainly not all of any particular group!

Oblomov18 · 01/12/2018 19:15

Dh can drink like a fish. But never gets in any sort of bad way. He has an off switch and just announces he's coming home.
Never out of control. Never silly. Ever.

Pebblespony · 01/12/2018 19:20

My DH falls asleep.

LEMtheoriginal · 01/12/2018 19:36

My dp (male) hardly drinks. I think ive seen him drunk once in 25 years. Me on the other hand.....Blush

RoboticSealpup · 01/12/2018 19:46

DH drinks a couple of times a month, usually for social events at work. He might have two pints or so, usually. When he comes home I don't even notice he's been drinking.