I have a friend who is always caught up in some dating dilemma. In the 6 years I’ve known her, the only problems I’ve ever known her to have have been woman/dating-related (she’s gay, by the way). We’ve always had the kind of friendship where we’re very vocal about, and supportive of, our problems. However, since I became a mother 6 months ago, I just don’t have the time or energy to engage in these conversations so endlessly. My time is precious now, and I’m staring to feel quite fed up with hearing about my friend’s romantic life time every time we speak. I feel guilty for feeling this way, too.
Phone calls will consist of her going on and on about her lover, and text messages are of the same nature. I’ll often receive a screenshot of their conversation, where I’m being asked to make a judgement (‘what does she mean by this?’, ‘is she being funny with me, here?’). She seems to be experiencing a lot of anxiety around her lover/the situation she’s in, requiring endless reassurance/emotional support. Whilst I can understand her anxiety (as I experience anxiety, too), and I would like to assist her through it all, I’m only human and I have my own needs. I’m beginning to dread phone calls with her.
Romance seems to be a really big part of my friend’s life (always has been), and, when I think about it, it’s been one of the main topics of our conversations since I’ve known her. It was cool then, but now my time is precious, I’m often very tired, and my life has become centred around somebody else enough as it is (my baby) - I don’t need for it to be centred around additional people (my friend and her lover) - what about me?
Being a new mother is already quite isolating, having almost no time for yourself, and I feel that the few moments I do get to myself are being robbed by my friend’s dating woes. She’ll go on and on and on about her lover, and she’ll often apologise for doing so (I’ll give her that), but then proceed to do so anyway.
Because I’m quite a patient, understanding, emotionally supportive person, I’m not about to tell her to just shut up and deal with her problems herself, but this is definitely taking a toll on me - draining me, and making me feel an even deeper loss of self (the loss of self that comes with motherhood). Hearing, so frequently, about somebody’s social/romantic freedom is also quite difficult against my own loss of social/romantic freedom (my romantic life with my child's father has seized, but that's a whole other topic I could write a thread about).
Sorry, I’m not sure what the purpose of this thread is, I just needed to get this out. I’m also exhausted, so sorry if this is written incoherently.