My mother lives with me. She doesn’t want to rent or pay a mortgage elsewhere. It would leave her struggling. It is a large house with space for us all and I work so she has plenty of time to herself. She has a busy social life and plenty of hobbies.
She pays the going rate for renting a room in our area but gets food included and most meals cooked. She rarely cooks. Other than clean her room she does a few dishes and will hang out bring in the washing. She is banned from putting a wash on of family items as refuses to sort it and will machine wash delicates.
She has the biggest best room in the house ( with a deck and sliding doors she installed) which has a lot of storage and the hall outside her room which has her side board and two large book cases. She has pictures up in her room and her hall area.
She has her own cupboard in the kitchen for special things not for general consumption, a drawer in the bathroom and toiletries in the shower and cabinate. A drawer in the toilet room and a double coat hook in the hall. She keeps her ironing pile in my hall too.
She has two chairs in lounge and sitting area of dining room and an antique one in my hall area, two large pictures (I like them) up on wall as won’t fit her room and half a dozen ornaments that I quite like on my mantle.
She also is storing things in the garage, has a large outside drawer for her many shoes and has a large shed for her gardening things.
She loves gardening and with my blessing took over the flower beds, extending and adding to them and took over my veg garden (pushing me out). I pay for a gardener two hours a week as that is what it took to maintain garden prior to her moving in. I mow the grass.
She is upset and cross that I moved a picture of hers onto her sideboard from my bookshelf, telling me I should share. I keep having to move the things she obtains and places about the house. She will help herself, criticise and change things as she sees fit with no regard to my convenience or preference. She has tried to assert ownership of the second toilet outside her room, making passive aggressive comments when the children use it or brush their teeth in there. I have bluntly said it is not her private toilet. She has free use of the house and I give her space and privacy if entertaining friends and have no problem with her friends staying when visiting from afar.
I have three children and their things to accomodate too. Other than books and communal games I mostly expect them to keep personal items in their rooms as I do too.
So AIBU expecting her not to spread her things elsewhere and defending myself by saying it is my house so my choice as to what is on display or stored in public areas? Temporary things like flowers or cards are welcome. I know she would like her own house and I have done my best to make her comfortable but I am feeling bullied and manipulated n my own home. She has more storage than the children. If we all put our things about the house like she tries to it would be a mess.