AIBU to stay friends with this person

[ernjas]

I have a toddler with my DP. We broke up when our DS was newborn and got back together when he was 14 months.

Within that time, I met a guy, we went on a few dates and did hook up but ultimately did end up just being really good friends.

When I got back my DC's father, the friendship kind of stopped, but he's now got in touch saying he's going through a hard time and to see if I'd like a catch up.

Obviously we were ultimately friends and he isn't an ex really, but should I say no and leave the whole friendship in the past? Would I be being unreasonable or disrespectful to my DP if I saw him?

Hi OP, tbh I don't think I'd bother personally. You say you were really good friends, but with respect, if you were good friends, why did you fall out of touch? You said when you got back together with your child's father your friendship stopped. Was that your choice or your partner's?

How long has it been since you've spoken to him?

In my experience, exes who you haven't spoken to in a while who ask to meet up for a catch up are usually after a shag. Sorry to be blunt!

In saying that, you know this guy. If you want to be friends again with him, then by all means, meet up with him. It's not disrespectful to your partner to have male friends.

@Glitterandunicorns thanks for your reply! I kind of stopped contact with him because I'd gotten back with DP. Even though we were friends, there was the brief dating history and I assumed I was being respectful to my partner as I wasn't sure how happy I'd be if the situation was reversed. Now I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do either?

It's been about 6/7 months since we spoke.

I try to put it in reverse, if you’re partner had met someone and slept with them whilst you were on that break, and now wanted to meet up and be a support for that person, would you be ok with it?
Personally I wouldn’t, but everyone’s situation is different.

@sparkleandsunshine That's a good way of thinking about it. I think if you'd known the person for a while before hooking up with them, then that would also make a difference. In this case, if you'd not known him long and had a sexual relationship, then I'm not sure I'd be that comfortable with it.

If there was the same situation for your DP what would be your preference? I don’t think I’d stay friends on the basis that I wouldn’t be keen on DH doing the same in that scenario

If you haven't bothered with him for months or thought about him, I'd say there's not much in it for you. Don't let him suck you in.

Thank you everyone!