Weed in the bedroom of SS

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I posted about this problem before and I thought it was sorted.

Apparently not.

Two rules in our house he has to live with.

Clean up after yourself
Do not smoke or bring weed into this house.

Now he's 21. He can do what he likes he's an adult. However I don't want him bring weed into the house even if it's just to skin up. That's all I fucking ask of him!

So I've found tiny bits of weed on the cabinet in his room. Tobacco in the floor.

This is not the first time.

The excuse- it must of fell off my clothes when I have been out rolling a joint and it's carried on my clothes and that's why it's on the cabinet.

This just could not happen could it. Not several times.

Can a seasoned weed smoker just confirm to me it's because he's skinning up in there.

I accept he can keep it anywhere he likes except in my house.

It's not my problem if the weather is shit. If he had to smoke it every day, he has an issue

If you've got younger children I can completely agree why you don't want it on your home, otherwise I would probably let him roll indoors.

What is the point of another ultimatum when he's already had 4 though? Throw him out or keep quiet, don't say "No more after this". Your words must sound so hollow.

If you couldn't bear doing it properly at least kick him out for tonight/tomorrow night and then try one more ultimatum once he actually thinks you've got the balls to do it.

I have a similar problem with my DD, he's 21. He doesn't smoke it in or around the house, but I smell it on him, see his high eyes. I absolutely hate it. He knows it's stresses me out but. DH goes crazy when it smells the house out. Our only punishment left is kicking him out - I really don't want to do that.

Up until weed entered his life, he was the most lovely lad, his whole life. He is different on weed and he IS addicted, he can't go a day without it.

So op, you're not alone, I know it's stressful. Hope he sorts himself out. 💐💐💐💐

@fieryginger

Thank you. It's frustrating because I see him fucking his life up here. He moved countries because he fucked his life up at his mothers. Lost his job for one. Through smoking weed.

I'm not against people smoking weed im really not but he has a problem. Same as if he was drinking every day and couldn't stop it's a problem if someone can't go a day without it.

I feel on edge, stressed, snappy with everyone just waiting for him to fuck up again. Because I know he will. He's a dickhead. No sense of responsibility or respect for anyone, selfish, never has any wages left after a week, nothing to show for it.

I really don't want to tell him to move out. You can't discipline a man can you. But today his dad has told him he stops smoking it or he leaves.

Meh I remember you too

I don’t know OP . We had this shit on the last thread . So what if he smokes weed ? If everything else if generally OK

You seem to want an excuse to get rid.

It's unusual for someone to loose their job and become a liar because of weed.Is there a lot more going on here? Is this the only issue you have between you?

You said he lost his job but then that he never has wages left after a week so he got a new job? Does he contribute to the household at all? 21 is still pretty young Op, I know I didn't have a head on my shoulders at that age. I'm not having a go at you at all and I understand you saying my house my rules but there must be more to this?

I know someone who lost his job through smoking weed (don't do it in the work car park if you've got half a brain 🤨.) The op has every right to say she doesn't want illegal drugs in her house, full stop. Add in a younger child and he's got to go if he can't stick to the rules. This is not an unreasonable rule by any stretch of the imagination!

It’s a rule of your house. He knows the rules. Tell him to make sure he shakes his clothes off before he comes in the house because he’ll be out on his ear the next time you find a crumb.

It’s fine to have a bad habit but not if your prepared to lose jobs, homes, friends and family over it.

Oh Costa, that was silly of them! Don't want to be blocking up the whole tread with my replies but yes Op and fieryginger they are addicted and they are also smoking tabacco in their spliffs. Fiery, if your son is not willing or going to stop smoking weed then he needs to change the weed he is smoking. Some strains (of weed) make people irritable and anxious.Ok, so I can't drink vodka, turns me into a mad woman but I could drink whiskey all night and be merry the whole time-both alcohol but different effects.You should ask your son to look for a different type. It really can make a big difference.

I really don't understand why some of you can't understand why the OP doesn't want any weed in her house. It's currently illegal, a class B drug, and some of us care about that kind of detail. Whatever comparisons one might make with alcohol and their respective health hazards, alcohol is not illegal. Is that so hard to understand? I wouldn't want any illegal substances in my house, and I would think I'd have the right to stick to my guns on that point.

And as there are children in the house there is all the more reason to be careful.

OP, sorry to hear all this!
However, got to say - at least your DH has told him now, and hopefully that means no arguing over it between you and DH 👍🏻👍🏻

The likelihood is that yes he's skinning up in there because if you're going for a walk and a smoke then he obviously makes more sense to skin up in your room not out in the street. TO be honest I'd be more concerned about the second hand smoke around my child than the tiny scraps of weed in his bedroom (and yes he obviously stores his weed in there too).

It sounds like it's time he moved out though. What are his plans for the future?

The legality of weed wouldn't bother me unless he was dealing but II have bad experiences with regular weed smokers (not sure to what extent the weed was self-medicating for their other issues but it definitely didn't help and made them just awful to be around) so I can totally understand OP not being cool with it.

Not really answering the original AIBU but if it is an addiction he may need support. Can his DF help him to access services.
There is useful information and links on this site.
www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/drug-addiction-getting-help/
Perhaps showing concern about the impact that smoking weed can have on his physical and mental health , as well as losing his home will also have an impact. I am sure there is a part of him that would like to stop.

Of course you can lose your job due to weed. One drug test is enough!!

I would tell him to move out.

It sounds to me like you just want him out. Have his dad to yourself and start your new family.

Perhaps you all ought to stop rooting through his things. A 21yr old will have plenty of things which aren't for the eyes of small children. The answer is to respect one another's private space so the small children don't go in that room.

He smokes weed and he has to keep it somewhere. The very fact that you smoked it yourself at his age makes you a bit of a hypocrite really.

I feel on edge, stressed, snappy with everyone just waiting for him to fuck up again. Because I know he will. He's a dickhead. No sense of responsibility or respect for anyone, selfish, never has any wages left after a week, nothing to show for it.

I don't know why you don't just admit you want him out and save you all the hassle.

In the last thread you admitted he was nowhere near as bad as you originally said, had come on leaps and bounds recently. Now he's back to being the devil child.

You very clearly do not want your stepson living with you, even when he adheres to your rules of not smoking in the house. You'll always go nosying in his room even though he's an adult and you are basically waiting for him to fail.

Do you all a favour and admit it so the lad knows he's got no chance of succeeding in making you happy and can make arrangements elsewhere instead of pretending.