To leave my 3 year old to cry? (mummy guilt)

[NotASleepyPrincess]

She’s been screaming and shouting for 15 minutes. I’ve been in to her but she’s gone beyond the point of accepting comfort and pushes me away.

She’s absolutely exhausted possibly my fault as I left her in Nursery an hour longer than normal as I had an appointment I had to go to*, but she just won’t nod off (she’s usually in bed by 6.30 asleep by 6.45).

I don’t like letting her cry herself to sleep but I don’t know what else to do, she shouting for her dummy which I got rid of just after her birthday in June, but if I go in she’ll just push me away again. She’s not been like this for a very long time.

So can I just leave her to cry? Will it seriously damage her? How long do I leave her? Or any suggestions to calm her down?

*LP with helpful family but I pay for Nursery until 5.30pm so occasionally make use of it rather than asking family to take her so I can call in the favours at another time.

No fever? Has she eaten and drunk enough?

She's had her usual 3 portions of dinner and 2 of pudding at Nursery plus snacks and they're usually pretty good at making sure she drinks plenty.

No fever.

Why did you get rid of her dummy if she wasn't ready to give it up?

Because it was becoming a battle to get it off her every morning to the point that she was becoming aggressive about it and I was sick of a battle at 7am to get it off her. She's been fine without it up until tonight when she's been asking for it.

My 3yr old sometimes does this and always has. Usually when there's a change in routine that's unsettled him - something like leaving nursery later could be enough.

I wouldn't leave her. She's pushing you away but the options aren't only cuddle her or leave her alone. I'd stay nearby, in the room, and say I'm here for a cuddle when you're ready then just be quiet. Every now and then if she lulls just gently say I'm here if you want a cuddle. Or maybe feedback e.g. "you feel really sad tonight' or something. I find eventually he does relent and have a cuddle and calm down.

She's probably either starting to get unwell or is unsettled by something/overtired. You can't force her to accept physical comfort of course but equally regardless of what the reason is leaving her alone won't help either.

Hope she calms down soon.

Sometimes my DD just needs to be left alone to calm down. Any input from me, no matter how loving, stops her being able to sort herself out, so I give her a few minutes and then go back and see if she's ready for a cuddle. Usually she is, and it's all ok after that.

She’s old enough to call you if she needs you and knows you’re there. You’re not harming her. Plenty of 3 year olds will be in nursery until 6pm all week too so no need for guilt

As PP have suggested...also - have you tried relaxing music? Some lovely piano only nursery rhyme playlists out there. Pop it on your phone/tablet if you have (we use youtube) Use it to help DS (almost 3) to drift off to sleep.

I usually go in and read aloud and he’ll eventually decide he’d rather hear the story than scream.

Mine gets like this sometimes. Just tell her when she calms down and wants a cudddle to let you know then leave her to it. Potter around near her room so she knows you are there and she can come to you when shes ready. Shes probably overtired and will come lookong for a big cuddle before passong out for the night. Good luck!!

She's asleep!

She'd thrown all her pillows and her duvet on the floor and then looks like she's thrown herself off the bed and fallen asleep there.

Ah poor little mite she was exhausted. Its good to pop back in every two mins and just say..good girl, moms here, off to ssleep now so she knows youre near but won't respond.