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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To risk messing up 6 years hard work for potential dream job?

26 replies

SchnizzleNo2 · 29/11/2018 21:34

Sorry this is more a WWYD than AIBU...

I've just found out that I have an interview for an amazing and rare job - woohoo! BUT, the timing sucks. I have 3 weeks to submit my PhD thesis which has taken years and tears out of my life. I've so much left write that I'm working all hours on top of all the parenting stuff you need to do around Christmas time. The interview requires a presentation and a test which I will need to prepare for, and would be a whole day out as it's in a different city. I just don't have that time.
WWYD:
A) Cancel the interview, make sure I do a good job on my PhD thesis and hope that another job comes up next year (but this job is a bit of a one off).
B) Go for the interview and risk not getting my PhD done in time, or at least done but not perfect.

To complicate things, my PhD supervisor is very supportive of me going for the interview. But my husband is very much against it because he doesn't think I can take any more stress.

AND. Part of me actually craves having a break and not working at all for a while as I've gone straight from having a baby, severe PND to a final year of PhD. It's been an intense couple of years and I feel I should spend more time with the kids whilst they're young.
BUT. The other half feels like I've worked hard for this, I should use it and see what I'm capable of.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings - would be interested to hear your thoughts...

OP posts:
Doddlemoose · 29/11/2018 21:58

Extension on submission date? Buy help in for baby and house? Can you pay for anything which might buy you more time?

EustaciaPieface · 29/11/2018 22:03

My gut instinct is to go for the interview but that’s easy for me to say! If your supervisor is supportive then I’d be tempted to find a solution that works for the job and PhD. Good luck - you sound amazing!

titchy · 29/11/2018 22:04

Why do you HAVE to submit in three weeks? There's no reason why you can't submit in three months....

fishfingersandwichextrordinair · 29/11/2018 22:04

Go for the interview

Stompythedinosaur · 29/11/2018 22:07

For an opportunity like that I would go for the interview and sleep less to get the PhD finished.

Do a minimal christmas for one year - it is an investment in your future.

FrogFairy · 29/11/2018 22:08

Could your DH take some annual leave to free up your time for interview prep and thesis? Also agree if possible delay thesis submission date.

Doddlemoose · 29/11/2018 22:11

Sheryl sandbergs “lean in” theory is that WHEN you feel you need family time off is the time to hustle for the dream job - because otherwise you’ll run the risk of never finding anything that engages you as much as the dream job ( If it’s a dream job then you’re motivated to make it work schedule wise)

and combined with the lure of family time it’s then a “danger spot” for not getting in at the right level again.

Not saying I personally agree or not, but irl I do know women with good masters degrees and phds who dropped off the career track and are in retail/service work or on a reception desk. Of course it’s their personal lifestyle choice but just an observation.

chickhonhoneybabe · 29/11/2018 22:15

Extension for the PHD to give you extra time as you may not get the job.

SinkGirl · 29/11/2018 22:17

Definitely talk to your tutor about an extension - although is this is a self imposed deadline or a hard deadline?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/11/2018 22:18

Go for the job and use the "stress" to your advantage to power through and force you to manage your time more effectively. Life is stressful, that's just the way it is but I think you can handle it. Don't let amazing opportunities pass you by.

Loopytiles · 29/11/2018 22:20

Prep hard for interview, postpone thesis submission, cut out all but essential “festive” stuff - DH can cover that.

CitrusFruit9 · 29/11/2018 22:21

Just a thought - can the interview be rescheduled?

OccasionallyIncomplet · 29/11/2018 22:26

Finish your PhD and prepare for the viva.

You have stated you spent 6 years getting to this point. If you are 3 weeks from submission, although you have a lot to write up, you must have done all the research and reading and be in the draft phases. In my opinion you would be crazy to give this up now.

I see the attraction of the interview - it's is the oath of less resistance in terms of the Thesis and might result in you getting a job. However., what if you don't submit and don't get the job? You are then potentially looking at another semester before you can submit and defend?

Jobs, like partners and houses etc.....you always think it can never get better and then another one comes alone.

Keep us updated!

Original poster
SchnizzleNo2 · 29/11/2018 22:46

Wow thanks for all your advice. Some wise words to mull over. I can't move the submission deadline (I don't think) because it's quite a formal process and my viva has been booked with the examiners. I think I will go for the interview because I know I'd always be wondering if I didn't. And I'll rally around a bit more help like you suggest. I was thinking about asking to postpone the interview- would that seem a bit off putting to them though? And should I speak to the HR department or the person I'd be working for who I've had some email contact with?

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 30/11/2018 00:58

What does your husband think about a job in a different city? Is this affecting his view? It's all very well for your supervisor to support you but it isn't his life which will change. I am not saying not to go for interview just that your dh may have other perspectives on the issue.

YorkshireBelle3 · 30/11/2018 01:23

Assuming the PhD is definitely a hard deadline, I'd say speak to the hiring manager and see if the interview can be postponed by a few weeks.

You may find this works ok as Christmas is coming up and with staff leave, decisions on the recruitment might not be made until the new year anyway.

Just be honest with them about the timing and they may try and accommodate you.

halfwitpicker · 30/11/2018 01:41

Do go for the interview

SandAndSea · 30/11/2018 02:10

I might contact them, explain that you're really interested but not available until after Christmas and is there any way you could postpone the interview? Before Christmas, people always think they're going to do loads of things but in reality, many wind down and leave things to the new year. Just my thoughts.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 30/11/2018 06:13

I'd ask the job to have an informal interview pre Christmas - potentially by Skype if possible and for you to declare your interest with the formal one plus interview etc as soon as you have submitted.

Eponymous · 30/11/2018 08:05

Is the presentation to show presentation skills or on a subject you need to show knowledge of relevant to the job?

If the former, I'd consider telling them your preparing for your thesis and can you do the presentation on that. If the latter, possibly ask if you can do the presentation if you get to second interview stage.

With the test, why do you need to prepare? Is it a subject you don't already know? I'd be dubious about doing an interview test on a subject I had to study for, in my experience they would be asking real life experience questions.

YorkshireBelle3 · 30/11/2018 10:16

zebras makes a good suggestion but id use this as negotiation if they don't immediately let you postpone rather than go straight in with this as you would still need to do some element of prep, reading up about the company/ industry etc.

Taytotots · 30/11/2018 10:28

As you say it's an 'amazing and rare' job I'd go for it. If it's a specialised academic one it might not come up again. Talk to your supervisor re the submission. An extension might be possible even if viva booked. Plus remember you will have rewrites after viva anyway so can make small changes after if not quite perfect. It sounds like you've had a tough time with the pnd plus a PhD is a lot to take on anyway - especially with young kids so do look after yourself. Is there anything that can be cut back/your husband can take on? Congratulations on getting the interview!

HashTagLil · 30/11/2018 10:31

Go for the interview, get your DH to do more at home, let slide what doesn't get done and don't be so hard on yourself about christmas.

Sleep is for wimps anyway Wink

Good luck!

Original poster
SchnizzleNo2 · 20/12/2018 15:17

Thank you all for your advice and support. Just wanted to give you an update - I went for it!
I had the job interview on Monday, it went well but unfortunately I didn't get the job. But I'm very glad I tried and I'm not left wondering what if... I also worked my arse off and managed to submit my PhD thesis today - a day early. It's amazing what you can achieve with a bit of determination. I'm so relieved!
Thanks everyone, and have a really lovely Christmas x

OP posts:
Juanmorebeer · 20/12/2018 15:25

Well done OP!

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