Mum's group politics

[wolfhall61]

I'll try and keep it brief. Long-standing group of 12 friends. Met at pre-natal yoga. Do things in pairs sometimes but rarely bigger without whole group being involved.

A few months ago one of them organised a day out drinking champagne in London. Only invited 8 of the group. Based on the fact that the other 4 are not drinkers they weren't invited or told about it. I was one of the 8 who went. I feel awful now. One of the 4 has found out and is upset. She feels it's not for others to judge what she'd be interested in, and that there was an ulterior motive for not being included.

Should we tell the other 3?

I don't see the problem tbh. It's an alcohol focused day and she doesn't drink. I'm veggie going on vegan. If there's a meat festival feel free to miss me out. Even though I could eat the side dishes it's missing the point of the day.

I don't see the problem with splinter groups as trying to get a massive group together is often hard and means others miss out

I think the problem is the fact that it wasn't mentioned to them at all. Kept as a secret for want of a better word. Usually we just send a message - thinking of doing x on y date - who's in.

This time we didn't.

It's not nice to keep it a secret and you was a part of that. It's fine to not invite everyone to everything but if you're keeping secrets from others that's unkind.

I think that's what I'm coming round to.
Didn't occur to me that it was kept quiet until after it, didn't occur to me that it might be upsetting to the others until after.

I wish I had thought more about it.
The other 4 do drink sometimes. I can see her point. I think I accepted the organisers motivation because I was on the right side of the invite.

You read things like this here all the time usually from the perspective of the person not invited and upset.

I realise it was a champagne day and they don’t drink, I don’t drink, and I would wonder if a day out where I wouldn’t likely be interested had been organise on purpose so it could be argued easier I wouldn’t want to go, and excuse not inviting me on purpose.

It could be easily covered up in that theory.

That said I’m pregnant and avoiding group activities where you would end up trying to be friend after to avoid these kind of mix ups. I’m 35 not 14