Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going back to work...

25 replies

LG123 · 28/11/2018 21:36

Posting here for traffic.

When did you all you lovely mummies go back to work? Did you suffer from working mum guilt?

I'm just really struggling to decide when or if to go back to work. My little girl is 3 months old and my first!

OP posts:
Bambamber · 28/11/2018 21:52

I returned when my daughter was one, and changed careers so I now work evenings and weekends. So now I have our daughter during the husband, and my husband is there in the evening. That way I don't really miss much time with her as the majority of the time I'm gone, she's asleep

Original poster
LG123 · 28/11/2018 21:55

@Bambamber that's lovely, I might look in to that, even if it means a massive pay cut. I just keep looking at her and thought of leaving her to go to work breaks my heart.

OP posts:
NoThankyouHun · 28/11/2018 22:05

She's so young don't make any decisions until you absolutely have to. It broke my heart going back to work when my girl was 1. But once there I went back 3 days a week and after a few weeks went full time. I enjoyed the "me" time being an adult and being a stay at home mum full time was just not for me. But I didn't realise that until I went back to work.

Mumof1andacat · 28/11/2018 22:08

I returned when ds was 6 months. I found it ok. I find it harder now he's at school because I can't go to all the bits they have plays/walkabouts etc. I don't have enough leave. I do work part time which helps. I just have to choose what I can/cannot attend.

Merryoldgoat · 28/11/2018 22:12

I returned part time (3 days) when oldest son was 1. I was very pleased to go back - I wasn’t a good SAHM.

My second son is 9 months. I’ll be going back in Jan when he’s 11 months and I feel like I should gone back sooner.

Zero guilt.

33goingon64 · 28/11/2018 22:15

Why do you think you'll feel guilty? Does the baby's Dad feel guilty (assuming he's working)?

mortifiedmama · 28/11/2018 22:17

13months. No mum guilt. Quite the opposite in fact, but I love my job and hated being a SAHP. I also had PND though and work made that better.

I was fortunate that I had a choice though. When there's no choice that's when you get mum guilt or resentment.

Merryoldgoat · 28/11/2018 22:17

Also, my job is sufficiently flexible and local that I can get to school events easily which is really important.

GnomeDePlume · 28/11/2018 22:20

Probably a bit of an outlier on this. I went back full time after each DC: 6 weeks, 3 months, 4 weeks. The mortgage refused to pay itself.

Didnt regret it or feel guilty. I went into parenthood knowing that long maternity leaves were never going to be financially viable.

didireallysaythat · 28/11/2018 22:20

Three months for both DS1 and DS2.

I don't know anyone in RL that doesn't return to work between 3-6 months. Only on MN do people have fab maternity packages it seems.

GnomeDePlume · 28/11/2018 22:28

didireallysaythat it probably depends on the industry. I have known a number of colleagues to take long maternity leaves but it has almost always been a career killer.

Original poster
LG123 · 28/11/2018 22:30

@@33goingon64 her father is absent. This is why I feel guilty.

I have spoken to my mum about it and also quite a lot through pregnancy, my mum went back with me and brother at 16 weeks then 11 weeks. I know she's still really little and I don't have to decide right now, money isn't tight yet (I was able to save a lot before she was due to minimal outgoings) but I'm just aware that I have to 8 weeks notice to return.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 28/11/2018 22:32

I always knew i would return to work FT. I had 9 months off, and found the transition really easy.

I love my job amd was able to go back into same team and job and felt like i never left.

stinkypoo · 28/11/2018 22:33

4 months, but was able to build it up using KIT days & condensed hours, so back to work a couple of days a week (DD was with her Dad) from 4 months then built backup using holidays and condensed hours until she was almost 2. Full time 5 days/week from then.

resipsa · 28/11/2018 22:51

First time at 13 months, second time at 16 months. TBH, at those ages, they've bonded and anyone can take care of their needs...they really start to need you at about 5 😬

Allthewaves · 28/11/2018 22:52

I took the year as we had saved to cover salary drop.

RandomLetters · 29/11/2018 00:56

I remember looking around nurseries when my first baby was 3 months old and burst into tears at the thought of her being left there. However when she was 13 months I went back to work and she wasn't so tiny and vulnerable - I still felt terrible but I imagine you'll feel differently when your baby is older than 3 months. It probably won't be easy and as mums, we feel guilty about EVERYTHING!! Wink

33goingon64 · 29/11/2018 08:08

Ok, I withdraw that question then. Apologies for making assumptions. The general gist remains though - you need time to be you, possibly more so if you don't have a partner present to share the hard work.

redexpat · 29/11/2018 08:23

I have never felt a shred of guilt. I started a uni course when ds was 11mo.

megletthesecond · 29/11/2018 08:26

DC1 , fine. I was working literally around the corner.

2 DC's, as a LP and working 20 miles away. Hated it. Cried on the way there. Changed job to be back near my house within 8 months.

AlwaysWantedToBeATenenbaum · 29/11/2018 08:40

I returned when my son was 11 months- I was dreading going back when I first sorted the dates with my boss but when it actually came too it, I realised I actually needed the interaction with adults! I went back part time and am lucky to have him looked after by family 2 days and just 1 day with a childminder.

MiamiDolphin · 29/11/2018 08:45

I slogged it out as a SAHM for 3 years before returning to work. I'm glad to have had that time with him but absolutely ready to get back into work.

JaffaBiscuitNotCake · 29/11/2018 09:15

I'm going back in 3 months when DS is 8 months. Absolutely dreading it, just want to stay at home with him. Feel like I'm going to miss all the important bits as I'll be gone most of his waking hours. Am hoping to drop to 4 days a week and once I've done my 3 months to avoid having to repay my maternity pay I'll look for something closer to home

CantsitWontsit · 29/11/2018 09:35

My DS was 5 months old. I was the bread winner then and we needed the money.

At the time I think I felt guilty because other people were surprised and talked about how they had taken the full year. But actually, my DS was happy, my mum was looking after him, and my DH did shifts so it was really only half a day at a time.

My DS is happy and confident and didn't go through that clingy stage some older babies do when their mums go to back work, so it was good in that sense. I didn't miss out on first steps or key mile stones, but that was probably sheer luck.

My friend had her baby after, couldn't imagine leaving her. So took extended unpaid leave until her daughter was 18 months old, and constantly made remarks at me about how she could NEVER have left her child so young and made me feel proper shitty. But three years on, she has taken a job that requires constant International travel and is now a single parent. She doesn't see her daughter at all through the week, and only every other weekend. So go figure.

BalloonDinosaur · 29/11/2018 09:44

I went back when DS was 6mo. I'm the breadwinner, DP works part time and looks after DS.
It was hard initially more for DP than me but I really enjoyed getting back to that part of my life.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page