DH unbothered by son...

[SoxyAn]

Not sure if it's just my DH who is like this... we have a one month old. He was desperate for a boy and now he has one. Thing is, he seems really unbothered. Will only hold him for 30 mins in the evening, was going to gym a couple of days after he was born (fine by me btw), he clearly loves him dearly but it's almost like our baby doesn't exist sometimes...

I feel like my whole being suddenly revolves around my son. The love I have for him is so fierce.

AIBU to find this odd? Or are men often just entirely different to women in this sense?

My ex was like this, he didn’t really bond with our son. We split when DS was 6 months old and I really had to force him to spend time with him. Once DS started walking and talking the bond grew, now they adore each other.
I think as women we find it easier to feel the bond and love as we’ve grown them, they were physically part of us so by the time they’re born we’ve already known them for months.
Men can sometimes take a bit longer, some fall in love at first sight with their children, but I think it’s more common than people talk about openly that it can take longer for men to feel the connection that mothers usually feel instantly.
Give him time, babies are a bit boring.

Is your DH ok in himself? My Ex suffered depression I think, like he felt the weight of all the new responsibilities he had

Sometimes D's even though they love the baby don't pay it as much attention as M's do because they're not getting anything back from the baby.

Once your baby starts to smile at him I bet things will start to change.

The only issue I see is if he's only holding him for half an hour a day he can't be doing his fair share of caring for the baby. That's not on. He needs to be supporting you.

1 month old babies are pretty dull, to be fair.
Does he do his fair share of nappy changes/washing baby/feeding (if you're not b/f) etc.?

Funnily enough DH bonded straight away with our DS and it took me a good while to do so. With our DD (2nd child) it was the other way round!

As long as he's doing basic care I wouldn't worry at this stage. Mothers are more bonded because they're the ones who went through pregnancy and birth, and all the hormones and emotions that go along with that.

Dad's are very much on the sidelines for those nine months and probably a good few months after the birth too. Everything is about mum and baby!

My ds’s (2 teens now!) have different dads, and hand on heart I can say they both devoted every minute they had to them from the day they were born until now. Every opportunity they spent with them, even now, they see them every day.
So I admit I find it strange when other dads don’t. Could there be any under lying problems? Stress? Anxiety? Problems at work? Or do you think he’s ‘just not into the baby’? One friend had a dp like this, and as soon as the baby was walking, talking, he completely changed. He admitted later the ‘baby’ part actually scared him.

Is he doing nappy changes? Baths? Putting the baby to bed? Dressing him? Walking the floor with him when he cries?

If not he should be and it will make all the difference.

He does nappy changes, baths etc but only when I ask him. It's like he just isn't proactive at all.

I don't think he's down and the HV talked to him about how men can develop depression and anxiety too. He seems perfectly normal. Unless I'm just totally oblivious...

He has a daughter and they are thick as thieves, but I didn't know him when she was little so don't know what he was like.

Maybe he just needs time. I try to hand out son to him but he seems to get bored m...