AIBU? DP lied about quitting smoking

[autumndear]

Bit of background: DP used to be a smoker, it helped him cope with a high stress degree at uni and then the high stress job it then led to. He quit smoking before he met me and stuck to vaping to help wean him off smoking completely. I have wanted him to quit full stop for a while and he knows this. I recently moved in with him and he adamantly told me he'd quit both smoking and vaping. Fast forward to three weeks later and I was folding a pair of his jeans to put away whilst he was working from home and a small vape refill fell out of his pocket. I confronted him and he told me he hadn't actually quit vaping at all and had been doing it behind my back (whilst commuting to and from work, whilst popping out to buy a paper in the mornings etc etc) He said he was going to tell me but kept putting it off. I told him I wasn't upset about the fact he was vaping ( he's a grown man, he can do as he likes) I was very much upset about the fact he had repeatedly lied to my face. He's now moping around the house feeling sorry for himself. AIBU to be supremely pissed off at him?

That you're "supremely pissed off" over this is probably why he's kept it from you. "Confronted him" and "doing it behind my back" sound odd in this context as well. Also "moping around the house feeling sorry for himself". You don't sound like a nice person to be honest.

He’s addicted and you don’t sound very understanding. That’s why he’s hiding it.

YANBU OP.

The blatant lying is what would really annoy and upset me.

So he can do what he wants as an adult but you were pressuring him into quitting vaping?

So which is it?

It’s ok to be upset about both the vaping and the lying. As far as I am concerned, vaping/smoking is a dealbreaker. I’d get out now before things get more serious.

You can't make an addict stop doing what they want.

My ex did this. In the end, I had to take the relaxed approach. Getting pissed off with them won't do anything.

Yeah, I'd be pissed off if my OH lied to me. That's the issue. Make it clear you're upset about that. But just say he's on his own now. He can quit off his own back - Which is, ultimately, the only time he will do it.

YANBU to be pissed off about the lying. But you are kidding yourself if you think there's any point trying to guilt him into giving up.

It is an addiction.I'm just over 2 years off the fags now and so glad I did, but you could have told me it was bad for my health, expensive, smelly, dirty etc until you were blue in the face and it wouldn't have made any difference until I decided it was time for me to quit.

Have you ever smoked.... I doubt it very much or you would understand this.
Let him have his vape without feeling bad or guilty!

I get that you are cross about the lying that is understandable but I also feel he must of felt a lot of pressure from you to quit if he felt the need to lie. If you don't want to be with a smoker than why did you start dating one?

he's a grown man, he can do as he likes

But he can't can he? Not if you keep/kept asking him to stop.

So something he does that you don't like but say he's okay to do and then you badger him about it anyway. Are you that surprised that he has lied to you?

I couldn’t be arsed with someone whinging about me vaping. My partner is my partner not my bloody parent or boss. Poor bloke

YANBU about the lying. No excuse for that.

However, look at your own behaviour too. You say you don't mind him vaping on here as 'he's a grown man', yet in real life you are badgering him to stop to the point he is lying and hiding it.

There is fault on both sides.