Name changed for this. I have been seeing someone for the last few months who I knew previously. After being single for 4 years I have very quickly fallen in love with him - something that doesn't usually happen to me. He is calm, considerate, consistent and kind. He is someone I can talk to for hours and spend hours with. We are very comfortable together and feel like we have been together a lot longer than we have. I can't quite describe it. We have similar views about the future and about what we want out of life. We also have a passionate sex life and a deep connection. He is successful in what he does. I have barely met any men like this in the last few years so it's a bit of a shock to my system in a good way. He has told me loves me and talks about marriage and kids frequently. However, we have been having some deep discussions recently and I need to think realistically about the future.
Potential Challenges:
- We are both divorced. Him more recently than me. His divorce was finalised this year. She left him and he has mentioned a few times how he feels a lot of sadness over the past. I too feel the same about my past but he seems to have more unresolved issues than I do.
- His background is very different to mine. He is from a different country, continent, culture and religion. These are things that have attracted me to him. However, I am guessing these things will pose future dilemmas.
- For example, because of my DD, I could never leave the UK to live in his country as my ex (her father) lives in the UK who she see's regularly. I know it is asking a lot but he would therefore have to be based in the UK long-term.
- He is very traditional and believes in the patriarchal system which is the norm in the culture he grew up in. He sees the man as 'head of the house'
I've questioned him a lot about these things and they worry me because I am all about equality and liberalism and have very firmly told him so. He has also lived in the UK for the last 20 years so I'm not sure what being 'head of the house' means in practice exactly. For example, he doesn't seem controlling in any way, respects all of my views and also seems pretty liberal himself. Would that suddenly change if we married?
- He is from a religious background whereas I am agnostic. This doesn't pose a problem now but would it once we have children?
- He doesn't have any children whereas I have a DD aged 6. They have met and it went very well. They were both very relaxed and bonded very quickly, even though it was a quick meeting so this is all good.
- Any future children we have will be mixed-raced. This alone is not an issue and I have many diverse friends in similar relationships. However DD is white and would therefore have mixed race half siblings. I don't know anyone in this situation personally but we would be a 'blended family' which may cause all sorts of issues I'm not aware of.
We are both keen to have children. I'm in my late 30s now and think if it is going to happen I need to think carefully about the future. I also have one failed marriage behind me and do not want to make the same mistake again. But I also have a habit of over-analysing, have not been in relationship for years and have forgotten how one works especially the bits about compromise! I know many of these issues will require patience and understanding from both sides. So AIBU to think this relationship would work on long-term basis or am I kidding myself with all these potential challenges?
Sorry for the long post! Thanks in advance for the replies. Anyone been in or currently in a similar situation?