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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regretting abortion?

10 replies

freya2018 · 28/11/2018 13:09

I had a surgical abortion at 7 weeks in May this year. Reasons were a mixture: was with someone who made me very unhappy, had been in hospital with sepsis in early pregnancy, had just started my degree, no finances, etc.

At the time I was so against the idea of getting an abortion that I would cry and yell at my family for even suggesting it. However I was somehow swayed and just went sort of numb and went along with it.

I wasn’t able to have anaesthetic due to asthma so just had gas and air and I remember the whole thing. I get flashbacks to the pain and remember begging them to stop and hearing them say it was too late. I’m completely traumatised by the whole thing and have been told by GP that I am suffering with PTSD.

I would have been due 20/12 this year and feel sick the closer it gets to that date, especially because I have two cousins - one who gave birth a week ago and one who is due in a few weeks - and it breaks my heart to hear them say things about having 2 new babies in the family, because it should be 3.

I since have a new boyfriend who is literally my best friend and I can see a future with him for sure. However I feel so depressed and just want a baby. It’s all I think about 24/7, wanting a baby.

I would never babytrap him, I’m not that kind of person, but part of me just wants to end things and get a sperm donor because I know he doesn’t want a baby for a few years. Is that ridiculous?

I’ve since got a full time job and left uni due to my mental health (I was doing nursing and they put me on a gynae ward where I saw abortions, despite my year leader knowing what had happened - talk about horrific experiences). So I could afford it.

I just want to know if I’m being a delusional nutcase or not. I am so desperate to be pregnant again and I regret it so much.

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 28/11/2018 13:12

Bless you. Your feelings are completely understandable, and not insane at all. It’s very common for women to get pregnant again soon after an abortion for this reason. I don’t have personal experience but here’s a hand hold until someone with better advice comes along Flowers

Blanchedupetitpois · 28/11/2018 13:16

Oh OP, I’m so sorry. It sounds like you have been very traumatised. Are you seeking treatment for your PTSD? Something like that will be affecting how you feel about all kinds of things.

I wouldn’t rush into any big decisions at the moment, about your relationship or sperm donors etc. Give it some time, seek out some therapy / counselling for your PTSD, and see where you are in a year or so when you’re in a better position to make these decisions Flowers

RayRayBidet · 28/11/2018 13:20

I'm so sorry for what you have been through op. Are you getting treatment for your PTSD?
I can totally understand your feelings about wanting a baby and your regrets. But you have to get yourself well before you can even consider it. If you have a baby you want to be the best mum you can be so you need to take care of yourself before you do anything else.
Your partner sounds like a good man, does he know about what happened? If he is supportive and as lovely as you say I'm sure you don't really want to throw that away.
Don't make any big decisions right now, concentrate on getting well and then see how you feel about your relationship.
I'm so sorry Flowers

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH · 28/11/2018 13:21

Oh @freya2018 I really feel for you. I had an abortion 4 years ago, I had been with my partner for about 7 years and we're still together now, but it wasn't the right thing for us to do at the time and although my heart really wanted that baby I had two children with him already and a slightly fragile relationship that I didn't want to rock. I've regretted it every day since, and also had a cousin who had their third baby the week after I would have been due and he is a constant reminder.

All I would say is that it does get easier to bear, especially once the "due date" has passed. Just try and concentrate on the fact that it was not the right time and the happy and secure life you can one day give a planned child.x

littlemeitslyn · 28/11/2018 15:24

I had one 50 years ago and it still haunts me and I remember every second ☹️

Bishalisha · 28/11/2018 15:26

I too had an awake surgical abortion Flowers

Topaz89 · 28/11/2018 15:58

I know how you’re feeling and I know exactly what you’re going through op FlowersSad
I had an abortion about a year ago but mine was a medical one. I suffered a lot afterwards. The feelings do get easier to cope with over time though, I think.

Original poster
freya2018 · 28/11/2018 20:34

Thank you everyone for making me feel less crazy and more understood. It is such a shame this is a taboo subject to speak about in person because it makes it so much harder to deal with when you can’t say how you feel and have this huge secret that only a few people know about.

I am getting counselling for it starting 3rd of December which I hope will help.

OP posts:
Original poster
freya2018 · 28/11/2018 21:01

@bishalisha oh no, do you suffer flashbacks too then? I came out of it saying it was like torture and shouldn’t be allowed. I really think it should be medical or surgical while asleep, I found it so traumatic.

OP posts:
Bishalisha · 29/11/2018 13:01

@freya I don’t have flash backs but I remember it being completely horrendous and regretted eating in the morning thinking it wouldn’t be too bad. It’s brutal x

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